Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family I hate being the responsible one!

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  • #6095
    LoriMc
    Participant

    Hi! I’m new to this site and am looking for advise/support/encouragement. I am 58 years old, married to a compulsive gambler. We have a relatively young marriage of 4 years. He blames his addiction on a medication called Mirapex/Pramipazole that he takes for restless leg syndrome. Luckily, he has an appointment today to talk to his doctor about getting off of it. I hope it helps. In the meantime, I have to keep a firm grip on our finances-you all understand this, I’m sure. However it is taking it’s toll on our relationship because he gets very upset when I question him about where he’s going, how much money he will need, etc. I feel like a mother, to him and I don’t like it! Anybody have some advice about how to monitor him without offending him? I am getting tired of feeling like I am a b—– and my common reaction to not liking how I feel in a situation is to get out of it. I really don’t want to break up! Advise please!

    #6096
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hello Lori

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6097
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Lori
    I am seeking experienced help for you on the subject of Mirapex Pramipazole and will let you know the outcome asap.

    Your husband has obviously accepted he has a problem and you are looking after the finances, both signs which bode well for a better future.

    I suggest that you don’t ask him where he is going for the time being – if he is a CG (compulsive gambler) then the chances are you will get a lie anyway, so save your breath and your energy.

    Did he willingly ask you to look after the finances? Many F&F do handle the finances but I understand what you mean about feeling like you are mothering him and that it is not what you expected to do in your marriage – hopefully given knowledge of the addiction to gamble you will make your own decisions on how you want to go on.

    I am hesitant about writing too much until I either have good information for you, or your husband gets good advice from his doctor which confirms or denies his self-diagnosis.

    I assume that he is saying that his addiction kicked in shortly after he started taking these pills and there has been no previous evidence of a problem. When did you notice that he did have a problem?

    Later marriages should be a joy and I am hoping that this concern will be short lived. I hope it helps when I tell you that the CG in my life has not gambled for 12 years and I do not mother him. I know that the addiction to gamble, with or without medication triggers, can be controlled which is why I am on this site.

    Speak soon

    Velvet

    #6098
    LoriMc
    Participant

    Hi Velvet and thank you for your reply to my letter. I am looking forward to seeing what information you are able to find on mirapex. There is a lot on the internet and I have researched it a lot. Unfortunately, there is nothing right now to take it’s place that works as well. We have tried natural remedies as well. My husband saw his doctor the other day and is trying to reduce his dosage gradually while taking a muscle relaxer. We are waiting for appointments for xray and mri to confirm or deny that his issue is caused by an injury or actually rls. In the meantime, I am still taking care of the finances (yes, this was his idea) and he is trying to stay busy fixing things around the house. I appreciate your advice. It is hard to talk to any friends or family because people, unfortunately, are very judgmental and quite frankly they don’t believe that his addiction is a side effect of a prescription drug! I have told skeptics in the past to look it up on the web and they are still judgmental. So this forum is wonderful.
    I hope you have a wonderful New Year wherever you are! We are in California US.
    Lori

    #6099
    charles
    Moderator

    Hi LoriMc,

    First of all I should stress that I am NOT an expert when it comes to the questions you have asked regarding your husbands medication. What I am though is a compulsive gambler who currently isn’t gambling.

    I had a quick google so you have probably already seen the same stuff that I have….. if there is a link between those medicaions and addiction then it would appear to be that it is because it tops up the dopamine “reward chemicals” to where they should be in the first place. It seems that the levels of the drug used to address restess leg sybdrome are far lower than those used for Parkinsons so the efects with addiction would be less.

    I’m not going to pretend to understand the scientific side of thigns but what i can say from experience is that it doesnt seem to matter what causes the addiction – once we crodss the line into compulsive gambling there doesn’t sdeem to be a reverse gear. A return to “normal” gambling isn’t possible. It’s great that your husband is going to talk about things wiht his Dr but even if the meds are changed it is unlikely he would be abloe to return to controlled gambling.

    It’s great that he has asked you to looka fter the finances. Is he doing anything else to adress the addiction? Is he going to be posting in the My Journal Forum? Get to GA meetings or whatever?

    #6100
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Lori
    I have to be quick as I have just finished my group and I am ready for bed but i just wanted to say that I appreciate that what Charles has said, (which is what I was getting from other sources too) was very difficult for you to hear. I hope you will pop in to a group so that we can talk privately in real time.
    Acceptance of problems is always best. If your husband has got a problem that will not be going away you will need support and it is here.
    He can control his gambling with support.
    Don’t give up hope. Your husband didn’t ask for or want this to happen to him anymore than you.
    speak soon
    Velvet

    #6101
    Stella16
    Participant

    Hi Lori,
    I came across you post, and very much understand how you feel. this miraplex ruined my 17 years marriage when my ex husband Was diagnosed with Parkinson’s decease and was prescribed this medication. It took him 5 years to gamble all we had and eventually we filed bankruptcy . I am 56, and live now with my 80 years old mother who doesn’t have Parkinson’s, but just as bad and on her way to the same place. Bankruptcy! This medication is the cause of gambeling because as soon as they got him of it he stoped. It was a matter of days. There was a law suit in Canada about people’s life’s being destroy by this med, and a settlement as well. Hope this helps,
    Stella

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