5 May 2022 at 12:37 pm #154014wewinwhenwedontplayParticipant
I have an honest question that needs its own thread. How in the world do we as gamblers truly ever start fresh? I just can’t seem to do it. These past couple of months have been one of the worst relapses I have ever had. I have lost about 30 to 40 maybe 50 grand (possibly more) of money that it took me a long time to save from work (when I was employed). And that isn’t it, I was already in debt about 80 to 100 grand from gambling throughout my life. Keep in mind that I come from a low-income background and family. It’s driving me insane. Apparently me losing my job and being unemployed has been one of the worst things that could have happened in terms of this gambling addiction. I have now turned the casino into a money making system (that clearly doesn’t work) in my mind and whenever my so called “strategies” don’t work, I blame myself (when I know deep down that the casino is there to capitalize on gambling addictions and they aren’t designed to lose or be beat).
But again, my question is, how do us as gambling addicts ever truly start fresh? I can’t seem to do it. Whenever I try to start fresh and leave the past in the past, I can’t help but think about how much money I have lost and how much debt I’ve accrued, what I could have done with that money, who I could have helped with that money, the time I’ve lost that could have been given to other things such as family. These thoughts can’t seem to be erased, especially when I am doing something that may pay me maybe 10, 15, 20 dollars an hour give or take. It is so hard to live like that knowing how deep of a hole I’ve dug myself into. So again, how, how do we start fresh? Does anyone know the answer to this question?
One of the reasons I keep running into this issue is because as I am going about my day, doing deliveries on a delivery app to make some money, it is hard for me to do these 5, 8, 10 dollar deliveries without me thinking “who am I kidding, this will never get me out of debt or anywhere near financial freedom,” or, “let me just drive to the casino/cardroom and try the “strategy” that has worked SOMETIMES (emphasis on sometimes because I know it doesn’t work all the time, making it another unsuccessful strategy which a foolish gambler tends to always try to create in their mind) to make an extra 40 or 80 dollars for some gas and to save me some time.”
I have no idea how to start fresh. I honestly am writing this fresh off another relapse. I just got back from losing at the casino/cardroom once again less than an hour ago. I am sick. I feel trapped. I do not know how to start over / start fresh and leave all of those gambling effects in the past, because they truly did much damage (financially, relationship wise, emotionally, mentally, etc.). It would be nice if someone came around and offered me a great paying job that would allow me to pay off all of my gambling debt and recover all my losses in a year or two (or even three years), but it appears that just something in fairy tale land for us gamblers (or at least for myself).
Does anyone know, how we as gamblers ever truly start fresh?
5 May 2022 at 1:38 pm #154022Dark EnergyParticipant
Hi, maybe I am not the right person to answer your question, I guess someone with a 1 year + could answer it better. but from all that I learned from this long journey in recovery, it is not about money. I get my debt paid and I piled it up again, and now if someone pays all your debt and gives you some extra you will back again to gambling, you\we need to fix the problem first, because of that this time I am not focusing on paying the debt I am focusing on how to handle money how to control it( either by my self or using a 3rd party) first then paying the debt. because it is meaningless paying the debt again just to pile it up once more.
read this booklet I found it very helpful for the financial aspect.
it may look like it is about money, but it is not. it may be started as a money issue but now it is not. and I really don’t buy into the dopamine cycle of it because it is not the case with me. it is a combination of the following:
1: a control problem, the control circuit in our brain has been wired wrongly, and we can’t control ourselves once it comes to gambling.
2: irrational thinking: looking as the casino games or ( leveraged trading) in my case is the fast solution or the only solution to solve my financial problem, is what let me back many times, in the normal days without having money to trade I will be very rational and I know you are the same because of what wrote up. but because of our control problem once the money comes irrational thinking will take over and we will relapse.
3: there are deep issues behind this addiction, in our life \ and personality that needs to be fixed as well.
one more point learned here in this forum is it takes more than a few days to fix what years of gambling have done to us.
5 May 2022 at 1:44 pm #154023sjc1Participant
Following…….if I had thousands and thousands to pay off my debts I would probably gamble it. The more I have the more I gamble. I cant control myself. When I’m most down from the horrors and effects of my gambling I want to gamble more….its like an advancing army that just won’t stop. I cant see an end.
5 May 2022 at 7:30 pm #154066charlesModerator
Hi, good question.
You have already had a couple of good answers.
Regarding the finances there are ways to draw a line. There are lots of options these days – from repayment plans through to bankruptcy. You don’t need to clear the big scary total, you need to get things to a manageable weekly/monthly budgeted amount. Get some proper financial advice and you will be able to do that. Whatever you do with the finances though that isn’t the total answer. Even bankruptcy can mean more available cash with which to gamble if the addiction isn’t addressed.
An honest question requires honest answers though. Some of those answers are in the form of more questions. You have lost a large sum of money recently, have you now put financial barriers and accountability in place? You have just got back from the casino? Have you now got yourself banned from there and others in your area?
When you are going about doing your deliveries what non gambling activities have you got planned for your free time? Things to fill both time and thoughts away from gambling.
What support are you using? Getting to local Gamblers Anonymous meetings?
Read the other stories here, look at the advie you have been getting. It is important to not “just” stop gambling. We put a lot of effort into our gambling, we need to put the same effort into our recovery.
Keep posting and let us know what positive actions you are taking.
5 May 2022 at 11:15 pm #154087LosingitslowlyParticipant
Charles is right yet once again. Have you looked into bankruptcy? It is a harsh road to take but it could be the fresh start that you are looking for. I dont know what your living situation is but if you dont own your home then it is easier to declare bankruptcy. It does stay on your record for 5 years here, but with your current credit and debt level, would it be much worse than defaulting on debt? Look into alternatives other than simply trying to pay it off and there may be other counselling options offered when you do. It is a long road that you must travel and you should get your feet on the road as soon as possible. No one can make this journey but you.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.