Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #5825
    frankie06
    Participant

    Its official i asked my bf to leave tonight. He had been begging me all day for £10 to play online with and i kept saying no im not lending it u. He gets paid friday too so he kept saying you’ll get it back from my wages wen im paid. So he took his card back off me when i wouldnt give to him and he cancelled his online banking so i have no access i said if ur doing that u can pack ur things and go and then he called me really nasty things and started packing up. Then he was upstairs sat on the bed saying he isnt leaving he pays tbe bills here. So i rang his mum she spoke to him and he said im going ur two faced and a rat. Among other names and upset my lil boy even more when i was trying to put him to bed. He madd me take his key off the keyrings and said so thats it we are done. I didnt say anything but inside im broken because he doesnt see the gambling as a problem. He even said i dont have money for fags or petrol please and i dpubt ill get the money back he owes me on friday now i need to work out how much i need to save for bills coz im on my own. I was in tears non stop.
    Dont know if ive done the right thing we love each other but the strain on our relationship is hell. Every day. I pray he find help and wants to get help im emotionally, mentally and physically absolutely drained. It was a rollercoaster relationship but we had amazing times and really bad times. What is your advice for me i cant take him back straight away but should i wait and see if he gets help i really need ur help and advice if anyone has been in this situation. Its the first time i kicked him out
    In the end he was sat outside with his bags and i locked the door and went to bed.

    #5826
    vera
    Participant

    You won’t regret making this move.
    If the relationship is meant to last, this could be just what he needs to bring him to his senses . An active CG is impossible to live with. The confusion and chaos they create is , as you say, HELL!
    I know this because I am a CG.
    The “love”you felt has turned to fear, which is the direct opposite of love.
    Give him time to chill. He is bullying you and that will have a bad effect on your 3 year old child.
    Don’t worry. CGs are survivors.
    This might be the exact treatment he needs to get him to turn his life around.
    Next step is LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.
    Stay strong and stay close to this site. Lots of help/support available.
    Gambling is not about money, although money is the thing that highlights the problem.

    #5827
    Anonymous
    Guest

    The biggest thing, ( in my opinion ), that you can do to help your boyfriend is to stop enabling him.

    Even though you were looking after his cards and online banking, the occasional £10 here and there was keeping his addiction alive and bubbling. I am not saying that it’s your fault, of course it is not. And I think it highly unlikely you are/were his only enabler. Personally I think you have done the best possible thing for all three of you.

    I don’t think anyone can live a comfortable life when living with a CG. ( An active one).

    I do not think for one minute you have done the wrong thing, however tough it might be if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t even consider taking him back until you can see that he acknowledges his problems and starts taking steps to get himself sorted out.

    Neither would I pressure him to seek treatment although if he decides to contact you a gentle nudge in the right direction might just help.

    Like Vera, I am also a CG. Believe me we can all be very devious, the masters of manipulation and deceit. What ever the future holds for him nothing is your fault you have tried your very best to help him.

    In my eyes, I’m afraid to say, it may be sometime before he seeks help, if at all. But for your sake and the sake of your little one I KNOW it would be futile trying to rekindle your relationship until he does start to look for help.

    I know it will be of little comfort to you when I say “time is a great healer” but if he doesn’t seek help, you will eventually one day get over this break up and probably consider it a lucky escape. I hope that is not the case for you, but it is a very real possibility.

    You have acted with great strength and courage and I applaud you for that.

    Although it’s hard to accept, I’m sure you’re well aware that there’s very little else you can do to help him.

    Take care, and if you haven’t already done so, please try and get to one of the F+F support groups.

    Wishing you well.

    Geordie.

    #5828
    frankie06
    Participant

    Thank you both so much for replying i was also chatting to a professional on the gamblers annonymous website for some advice.
    I just feel really sick and numb at the minute i dont know if i can carry on living where i am as the bills are a lot and i work part time.
    I know its the right thing but i think he will turn it on me and tell me its my fault

    #5829
    kathryn
    Participant

    What a brave thing you have done.
    Cg’s are very manipulative, so you need to be prepared.
    You also need to take a breath. I would imagine your head is in a whirlwind at the moment, don’t panic too much, I know you are overwhelmed, but you are going to be ok.
    I am sure that your cg does know that his gambling is a problem, but the addiction will not let him stop and is on full defence. This could be the wake up call he needs.
    Hes going to try everything to try to get back into your good graces.
    The anger, well, that’s not surprising. Youre not giving in and he doesn’t like it. You are standing up to him and he doesn’t like it. He cant gamble and he doesn’t like it!!!!!
    I gambled for 15 years. We lost our home (had to sell it) and I kept gambling. When I stopped it wasn’t because I was kicked out, or my husband had left me. It was simply because I could no longer look at myself in the mirror. I could not stop feeling violently ill. I wanted and needed to stop because I believed if I didn’t I was going to die. I was dying, the person I had been was gone, replaced by this sick, lying, sneaky person who I could no longer stand.
    That’s when I stopped.
    Maybe if my husband had left me I may have stopped earlier, who knows? What I do know is that this addiction can be managed, I stopped gambling, and your partner can too. Unfortunately, he wont until he is ready.
    You need to look after yourself and your little boy.
    Don’t lose yourself in all of this.
    You WILL be ok.
    Time can work wonders.
    Take care Frankie.
    Love K xx

    #5830
    frankie06
    Participant

    Omg i cant believe you did it for so long 15 years! Thanks for replying hes already messaged me to come back and saying he doesnt wana gamble his money tonight coz he gets paid at 10.30pm approximately. I know thats just his way of trying to come back and start all over again.
    What is ur advice to me when hes asking to ocme back. I miss him but i dont want to be treated like shit anymore calling me names and saying he doesnt want me to dictate his money.
    Thank you for so much support on here

    #5831
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Frankie
    Please use your other thread, you are getting replies and on it and it is confusing trying to cover 2 threads.
    Velvet

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