16 May 2014 at 5:12 pm #3359FatimaParticipant
My husband likes to gamble. He started gambling 6 months ago. Every once month during his salary he would not go home for days and gamble his money. Don’t get me wrong , even if he has this addiction he is the best husband in the world and I know we would surpass this someday. Please help me with him… What do I need to do to have him realize that gambling is not doing favors to our relationship. How do I speak with him? I don’t want to be separated cause when I weigh the good things he has done for me, that is when I realize that I won’t give up to this man rather I would help him recover… But how??16 May 2014 at 9:48 pm #3360jenny46Participant
You have found the right place Fatima to consider your concerns. My ex partner and the love of my life is a CG, so I may have an idea of where you may be at right now.
I cannot help you with him. Put simply …. if he has this addiction he will need to admit it and to want to help himself. This is something that hopefully he will want to do for himself, because he wants a better life for himself and later , others around him.
It is difficult to know how you should speak to him ? there is not a lot in your post to say how you have tried to speak in the past ?
This addiction knows no boundaries and without knowng what you have already tried, i would say, always be you, always be straight down the line. Be honest with him, and if you can find the right words then deliver them with kindness.
This addiction thinks it is the god of manipulation, It is sad and it is weak, it shouts and screams in an attempt to hide its sadness.
The best way that you can stand with your partner and stand against this addiction is to learn to look after yourself.
I know this may not be the answer that you have come here seeking but it is non the less a truthful one. Looking after you is difficult but is your best and only way of helping him to recover
Jenny17 May 2014 at 1:19 pm #3361moniqueParticipant
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our17 May 2014 at 1:24 pm #3362moniqueParticipant
As Jenny says, you have come to right place. I also echo her thoughts about the priority being that you look after YOU. It can seem counter-intuitive when you see so clearly that your husband has this big problem. But it is true that none of us can ‘save’ a gambler or ‘make’ him understand the reality, no matter how much we love him. Only he can learn his own truth and make a decision to walk in recovery.
But we have some power to live our own life well and to look after ourselves. That is the start of a new journey. We cannot say what the precise destination will look like, but we can support you as you travel a new path.
Hoping to hear more from you.
Monique17 May 2014 at 4:19 pm #3363velvetModerator
As Jenny posted, you are in the right place to push your thoughts around and I hope you will write again soon so that we can support you as you deserve to be supported.
Nobody here would ever ask you to give someone up or not. What we offer is judgement free support so that you can make your own informed decisions because this is ‘your’ life.
I ‘know’ that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result and I hope your husband can learn to change his life but you cannot make your husband stop gambling, only he can do that.
As Jenny has mentioned, looking after you is so important when an addiction is in your home. Addiction demoralises those around it and causes those who care to lose confidence and self-esteem. As time goes by, loving a CG (compulsive gambler) becomes increasingly difficult unless they accept they have an addiction and seek to change, so it is important that you keep your strength up, for both your sakes.
In a future post I will suggest to you ways of talking to your husband but at the moment he is obviously not listening to you and the following might be a way to communicate with him and hopefully let him know you are aware that he has a problem and that you are seeking help for yourself.
Click on ‘Resources’ at the top of the page and in the ‘Search by Keyword’ section type ’20 questions’. Click on the 3rd resource listed, ‘Gamblers Anonymous – 20 questions – World’ and then click on the link. I suggest it is good idea to print off the 20 questions listed and leave them where you husband can find them – maybe tick the answers to which you would say ‘yes’.
This is not a be all and end all solution but it is a positive step and will help you to know if he is compulsive or not by how many yeses you would award his behaviour.
I will send this reply now but there is a lot more support available to you.
I really do understand that you love your husband. I know CGs are not bad people but the addiction is bad and your husband’s addiction will take you down with it, if it can. You have been very brave writing this first post – well done. I look forward to supporting you further.
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