[susieq]

  My name is SusieQ and I live in the United States.  I feel like I am a compulsive gambler in the worst way!  Over the last 10 years I have lost enough money to buy a nice house and anything else I wanted.  I am retired and have spent all of the money I inherited from my mom and dad and most of my retirement savings!  I am to the point that I have "lost it".  When I go into a casino I want to play (slots & video poker) at all costs.  I have borrowed money and paid it back over the years and contiune to spend as if there is no end to my money.  The problem is that it is running out and I keep going.  It doesn’t upset me at the time I am doing it but I hate myself on the way home.
  I am a Christain and know that it is a against God’s will for me to do this yet I continue to go and spend.  It has all but taken over my life.  If I don’t go I am miserable and if I do continue to go I may wind up on the street at 70 years of age – and perhaps have no friends or family.  Knowing all of this I still continue to go and hurt the ones I love.  I always think things will be better today and I don’t give up or go home until the casino closes and I can’t get any more money.  I am like a crazy person running around determined to play and try to win at all cost.
   I have been driving an hour to and from the casino at all hours of the night in all kinds of weather.  This is dangerous and I realize that deep inside but just keep doing it.  I want to keep going even though all this is going on.  I’m not a dumb person and I know better but I continue to go.
   I hope that with the help and support of others who understand what I am going through I will having a fighting chance to overcome my addiction.  I am looking for that help on this website.
   Thanks to all.  SusieQ

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