- This topic has 10 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Anonymous.
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19 April 2015 at 9:50 am #30009Maui415Participant
First of all I am so thankful for having this online community of support. Just knowing im not alone helps a lot.
Tonight, Saturday, April 18th I relapsed to slot machines and lost $1,400 of my last savings. It may not seem a lot, but it is to me. I live on a fixed disability income and have already used up my retirement funds of about $20,000 in only 4 months of gambling, which is what made me realize I have a serious problem.
I don’t want this to be very long. Just desperately need some encouragement and positive ways of thinking this through. I feel horrible, I hate myself for not being strong enough to stop and stay clean from gambling.
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19 April 2015 at 12:46 pm #30010AnonymousGuest
Hi Maui, I feel for you. The realisAtion of what we have done leads a horrible gambling hangover !!
It’s not too bad when there is still some money left in the account because our addiction tells us that we can win it all back. Sadly that rarely happens and even if it did it would just feed our addiction!!Well done on coming here and admitting you have a problem . You need to cut off access to gambling , by cutting up cards, self banning from casinos, putting a gambling on your computer!
You can recover to this addiction as many on here have done. U have taken the first step!!
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19 April 2015 at 3:03 pm #30011gov3Participant
Weldone on admitting that you have a problem , it is now time to find ways to recover from this horrible addiction .
We have all gone through the same , mist of us lost allot of money in the long run .
But it is never too late to stop.
Tell yourself everyday I won because I did stopAs above cut all the cards , get off from online banking eliminate anything that allows you to gamble and just go cold turkey. It’s day 6 for me it’s hard but with determination we will all get there .
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19 April 2015 at 6:02 pm #30012lizbeth4Participant
Hi Maui. You have come to the right place for help and support. I would recommend going to GA meetings and the chat sessions here. Recovery is a ongoing progress. Get all the support you can. It is a hard journey but well worth it. Along the way you find out a lot about yourself. I will be thinking of you today.
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19 April 2015 at 6:54 pm #30013Maui415Participant
happy68 – thank you so much for your reply. It’s comforting to know someone truly understands the regret, guilt, shame, and urges a CG goes thru.
What you said about it not feeling too bad when there’s still some savings left and the addict in us is telling us we can win it back is so TRUE. That’s what I did last night.
i came to the casino and checked in the room with the intention of ‘playing’ only$200. Before I knew it, I was back and forth between my room and the slot machine. When I lost $800 I felt horrible. That’s when the addict thinking came in and said just play the rest of the $600 and win the loss back and then stop. You already know the predictable ending to that, and I did know too. But the logical part of my brain was too weak at that point while the addict part was in full force.
I recall walking out from my room to the elevator in a trance like state. I was thinking I should just hold on to my last few hundred dollars but my feet kept moving towards the elevator and on to the slot machine.
After about 45 minutes, (and $0 left out of the $1,400) im back in my ‘free deluxe hotel room’. I can’t begin to describe all the negative emotions going through me.
That’s when I search the web for this web site. I need all of your words of encouragement to know I can stop.
Today, April 19, 2015 will be my first day to recovery.
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20 April 2015 at 6:03 am #30014FritzParticipant
Good job reaching out for some help. You can and will escape the madness if you put your mind to it and use the support available to you. Try to focus on the now, redirect your thoughts to your recovery efforts if they drift back to your past gambling episodes or thoughts of remorse.
It is important not to worry about the lost money, we actually don’t need that much to survive anyway. Focus on acceptance first. Accept that you have a problem and that you can never gamble again. Accept that the money lost is gone forever and that trying to win it back is the worst thing you could do. Focus on being honest with yourself and those around you. Take it a day at a time, and know that the pain will ease with time gamble free, just try to be patient. It will sting and hurt for a while but it gets better.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned through my addiction is that relationships are paramount. I became obsessed with money (recovering what i lost) and sacrificed my relationships for a long time because of it. I became obsessed and couldn’t think of anything else. I was depressed and lost interest in life. I now have come to realize that the losses are meaningless in the context of my life and what I am here for. Once I was able to let go of my monetary losses and focus on living my life from now forward with a clean slate, things started getting a lot better.
I hope that this will happen to you too. I hope you will recover without going through more gambling episodes and more pain. But even if you relapse, remember that there is always another chance, and don’t ever give up. All the best to you.
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20 April 2015 at 6:36 am #30015Maui415Participant
Hi gov3 – I like what you said that it is never too late to stop and by stopping I will win. I’ll keep those positive thoughts with me.
Congrats on Day 6, we are all in this together – strengthen and support
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20 April 2015 at 8:56 am #30016DuncKeymaster
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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12 October 2015 at 10:52 pm #30017Maui415Participant
Fritz,
You have no idea how much your reply is helping me so much at this moment.
I’m sitting here at McDonald’s eating comfort foods as I am full of regrets and self loathing right now. Here in Reno for the last three days, used up the 3 free comp nights. My plan was to relax by the resort pool, work out, use spa, read a book, maybe play slots for an hour or 2. Instead I blew out a thousand dollars which I saved over the last few months, and it’s all gone.I DONT EVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN ANY CASINO EVER! It’s a very dangerous place for me. I CANT CONTROL myself once I start, no matter what strategy I used, and I’ve tried many. I ALWAYS end up gambling until all my cash is gone. And I hate myself for it. I don’t want to feel like that anymore.
I’ll be checking in here frequently, as I need your support. All of you – who have been there and understand exactly what I’m going through. PLEASE.
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12 October 2015 at 11:02 pm #30018Maui415Participant
Fritz,
You have no idea how much your reply is helping me so much at this moment.
I’m sitting here at McDonald’s eating comfort foods as I am full of regrets and self loathing right now. Here in Reno for the last three days, used up the 3 free comp nights. My plan was to relax by the resort pool, work out, use spa, read a book, maybe play slots for an hour or 2. Instead I blew out a thousand dollars which I saved over the last few months, and it’s all gone.I DONT EVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN ANY CASINO EVER! It’s a very dangerous place for me. I CANT CONTROL myself once I start, no matter what strategy I used, and I’ve tried many. I ALWAYS end up gambling until all my cash is gone. And I hate myself for it. I don’t want to feel like that anymore.
I’ll be checking in here frequently, as I need your support. All of you – who have been there and understand exactly what I’m going through. PLEASE.
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12 October 2015 at 11:31 pm #30019AnonymousGuest
Lots of support on here Maui. You need to restrict your access to money ,time and gambling venues. This compulsion to gamble can be beaten..
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