26 October 2021 at 9:19 pm #141722Gigi971Participant
Hi everyone, I’m going through some hard times and I was really looking for a place where I can express my feelings whenever I need to. Maybe this will help!
I’m 24, I’m a university student in Italy. I had my worst period back in 2017, where I lost all the money my family had saved for me across the years. Hit rock bottom.My family never got to know about that. I have some problems talking with them and sometimes it feels so hard to even hold a simple conversation, I can’t imagine myself telling them about this, it would be impossible for me. I love them and they love me, they are perfect, I am the problem. Anyways, years have passed, i found some little jobs but almost all the money I ever gained were gambled away, little by little, without me even realising it. I lied to myself for years, saying I was not addicted anymore. But I was, of course.
When Covid came around, it was a blessing for me. All the physical bookies were closed in my country for the whole duration of the pandemic ( May 2020 – July 2020 and Oct 2020 – June 2021 ). I couldn’t possibly place a single bet during this periods, and I didn’t without ever feeling stressed about it. I just found other things to do, gambling wasn’t even an option and I did other things. I remember sometimes I thought about being free and how good it felt, sure I would never get back at it again.
But here I am. Spent little by little most of the money I had left across the summer. And it keeps going. Now I’m on a rent which my parents pay for to let me follow my courses, I see them on the weekends, I have little money left and they give me some every week, more than enough for me to live without problems, and I feel SO down because they do so much for me, but I can’t manage to use it for what I’m supposed to. They think I am growing up living by my own, but I actually spend so much time feeling like S***, thinking about gambling and feeling guilty for the money I lost, the money my parents gave me with a smile on their face. And I’m not even takling about the things I could do if I used the time I lose every day…
If anyone had a suggestion I would love to hear it from you, if no one does, well for me having a place where I can write about myself is already enough. I’m going to write on my journal every time I feel bad about my life, in hope it helps at least a little!
28 October 2021 at 2:24 pm #141859G RecParticipant
Welcome to the forum and well done on taking a positive step by admitting you have a problem, and coming here. I like most on here, can relate to the majority of things you have mentioned, losing family money, never having enough money to live, being stressed, feeling like letting the family down etc.etc. The news is that if you can stay gamble free, over time things will get better and easier.
In terms of where to start, I would strongly recommend the new member groups that are held on Mondays on Thursdays. In these meetings, Charles will listen to your specific situation, and provide personal advice on specific next steps that you can take such as putting barriers in place. being accountable for money spent etc etc.
I look forward to following your journey on here.
29 October 2021 at 1:04 pm #141958velvetModerator
Like G Rec I recommend Charles and the New members group and I also commend you on writing this post.
I’m not going to pretend that it is going to be easy for you but you have had a taste of feeling free which hopefully will stick in your mind.
I cannot tell you that if you do (a) (b) or (c) that your urges to gamble will disappear but I can and will support you by following your progress.
I am the parent of a child who is a compulsive gambler. He took control of his life 15 years ago and now lives a happy, healthy, gamble-free life. As a parent, all I wanted was his happiness but I was totally unaware of the problem that prevented him from being so. I cannot claim perfection as a parent but I know, now, that I did do all the wrong things for all the right reasons. I unwittingly enabled just as your parents are doing – they don’t ‘know’ so they smile and give you money – anything to support you and make you happy because they love you. With knowledge, however painful, it would hopefully help them to do the right things for you for all the right reasons.
I would be surprised if they didn’t already know that something is wrong, they just don’t know what.
I know all about the ‘difficult’ conversation – I didn’t have it for 23 years but when it eventually came, I was able to seek support for myself, learn to understand and thus stop enabling. It was tough, it was the most painful thing I have ever dealt with but at last I ‘knew’ and could make good and informed decisions for myself and also for him. He has since told me, that as long as I enabled, he had no desire/need/reason to stop gambling.
I hope you will keep posting and not just when you are feeling bad about yourself.
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