Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family I return … now it’s my daughter

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  • #5151
    san250
    Participant

    Hi everyone

    Two out of three isn’t bad eh? I joined here a few years ago when my eldest son opened up to me about his gambling problem. My journey is well documented here and the lovely support I received guided me through ‘finding myself’ and my part as the enabler. Wow what a journey it was.

    I sloped off this forum, gave in to his manipulation until all my finances were back to an enormous zero. However, in all that, I found my own self worth, found the triggers, found solutions and finally … said with the hugest breath ever … let him go on his way, with my love to face WHATEVER life has in store for him. I haven’t seen him for two years, we skype every now and then and I don’t talk about gambling. I keep it very light and don’t invite anything so he can hook me in to hand over anything.

    So … what am I doing back here … I’ve come to find the gambling/enablers cycle thread to give to my daughter’s boyfriend as she has now ‘confessed’ to being a gambler too. Thank goodness I am in such a great position to become an observer and there to offer emotional support should she need it. I didn’t react when she told me.

    I was delighted when she said her Doctor had said about going to a Gordon Moody place, because I remember what a great opportunity it was and hoped my son would take. But they both declined. She is seeking help from GamCare as she is in the UK, I’m not. and was having her first appointment with them yesterday. I don’t know how it went.

    So much love everyone, keep strong, remember that addiction is not the ‘real’ person underneath your loved one. We live in hope, one day, they will realise their own worth and see the light inside themselves and know that we can’t do it for them.

    Love, light and peace to you all.

    Sandra xx

    #5152
    velvet
    Moderator

    Dear San
    I nearly wrote to you the other day and then I thought ‘no she isn’t looking anymore’ and then here you are!
    It was surprised/happy/hopeful/pleased to see your name pop up and then I read your post…..!
    I can’t remember the exact number but I remember learning that there are at least something like 10 people affected by the addiction to gamble and I know that siblings are high on the list of people affected. ‘I wrote my thread ‘siblings’ some time ago and I have brought it up for you – a couple of replies are worth reading
    I know that nobody mentions another sibling becoming a CG but there are often terrible fall outs as a result of the addiction which don’t make the forum so I hope you will find the group again and we can ‘talk’ one-to-one.
    In case you don’t make it to the group in half an hour – how is your partner’s health and yours?
    Fingers crossed I get to ‘meet’ you again but I must eat first.
    I will leave it there for now San
    V

    #5153
    san250
    Participant

    Happy New Year everyone

    I am so grateful or all the support and helpful advice and information from everyone here. I had a message left overnight from my daughter to say “HELP, I’ve had a massive relapse and now I don’t know what to do. blah blah blah basically wanting me to bail her out. I have no money it’s all gone, so even if I wanted to I couldn’t. I messaged her back suggesting she reach out to her sponsor/helplines that she is hooked up to. Didn’t say I couldn’t help her! yet. But to reach out for the people that CAN help her, that it’s normal to relapse, there’s no shame and no blame and that I love her. Now I wait … not all things stop wait, just wait.

    In the meantime, I have done some inner energy work connecting with my innerchild to find childhood wounds for release and so I took my daughter’s message, inwards and found the wound! It’s so amazing how this works! So this is what I found … I was around 2 years old and very unhappy, I asked my inner child why she was feeling so unhappy and she said, “I know my mum is still grieving/unhappy (she lost a baby a year before I came along), but I can’t make her happy, no matter what I do.” I released this stored energy and feel much lighter now.
    So where does this fit in with my daughter? My daughter triggered the same emotions that my 2 year old innerchild had “Wanting to make other people happy so I feel safe in the world” (Give my daughter money so she is happy so I feel safe in the world again … and don’t have to face this horrible sadness in my body). It’s the trigger of this feeling that leads to, and makes it alright for me to, enable my daughter by rescuing her (bailing her out). Get the feeling out of my body with energy work and now I have no emotional charge to rescue her.

    She gets to face her demons, knows I love her unconditionally will support her but NOT enable her by bailing her out. Win/Win in my books.

    I hope that makes some sense … stay strong everyone.

    Much love

    San xxx

    #5154
    velvet
    Moderator

    Dear San
    Not just ‘some’ sense but complete sense. With some support you have worked out for yourself what triggered you and it is bringing you great peace of mind. Allowing your daughter to work it out for her unique self, with the right support, will do the same for her, maybe today, maybe not today but on another today – that is how she will build her own bank of experience that will keep her safe. It is each individual that does the work – we can only save ourselves.
    I wish you, your partner, your daughter and your sons a Happy New Year too and look forward to updates on them all.
    V

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