Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #9294
    bdesai1986
    Participant

    For the past 5 years I have gambled on n off. But for the past 2 1/2 years its been rough. I haven’t been able to control my gambling and I did things to cover my losses that make me feel like I’m lower than dirt. I stole, I lied, borrowed, and ruined my credit. At first my girlfriend didn’t realize what was going on and how bad it was, because I hid it from her. But as her and I got really serious, I could no longer hid my gambling addiction. I would go in the middle of the night and come back in the morning while she was sleeping. I even lied to her a few times and each time I got caught. I went from being the person she respected and loved and thought we would have an amazing future with to being the liar, gambler, disrespectful person. I became despressed, insecure, and angry….which made my gambling addiction even worse. Even after all my crap that I put her thru she stuck by me to help me overcome this. Because my gambling I was always broke, and this made it a lot harder on bout of us and it came to the point that she was just getting tired of all of this. Two weeks ago we broke up because she had enough. She thought I went gambling again, this time I was being truthful and said it had been a month. She didnt believe me and left. I was being honest that it had been a month, because I began to focus on the positives of my life and to move forward with everything. I was starting to be more confident and happy. Even after she left me, I was still focused on doing good and to show everyone, esp her that I’m changing into a better person. I felt great! But then this past sat I was at my brother’s house for his birthday and he was getting to me, and it got to the point that I didn’t want to stay at his house any longer. The plan was to just head straight to my parents house and go to sleep, but I began to get this weird urge to gamble. Instead of going home, I went to the casino. I tried to fight it but I just wanted to go play to see if I could win some money and be able to relax. Long story short, I lost a couple of hundred dollars and got home around 730 am. I felt like crap for two days and just wanted to hide under a rock, and what made matters worse is that my girl that left me, works at the bank where I do my banking. She called two days ago saying that in came up on the report of having a negative balance and that in needed to transfer money in the account. I could hear it in her voice that she was sooo disappointed in me because of my actions. I was trying to get past this situation and move forward but then yesterday I screwed up again. I went and gambled, and I regret it sooooo much. I feel like killing myself for doing something like this. I really wanna show people, esp my the girl i love that I have changed but its difficult to show that when all I do afterwards is give into temtation. I just wanna get past this and be able to get her back. But more so I just want to fight this disease that I have that gives me urges to gamble. I def need help, and I just hope to I can get thru this.       forgive but never forget

    #9295
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    Hi Bdesa, A Warm Welcome to Gambling Therapy
    Having found us you have also found a diverse community who can help and support you on your recovery journey.
    Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in this addiction
    Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer…
    To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or click here to see the weekly group schedule.
    For one to one chat you may want to try the live advice helpline. Click "connect" when these options become available.
    Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.  
    Take Care
    Harry
    25 year poker player, 25 year Hierarchal fool, 25 year ego boost…  Intellectualisation was my down fall, simplicity was my salvation

    #9296
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Bdesai
    I have just noticed you slipping down the forum and only had one reply so I have popped over from F&F (Friends & Family) to bring you back up to the top.  
    Nothing you have written was a surprise to me and if your girlfriend wants support she is welcome in the F&F forum anytime.
    I wouldn’t be writing on here B if I didn’t ‘know’ that this addition can be controlled and that you can live a gamble-free life.  
    You have made the first step forward by admitting your addition and writing on this site.  I hope you access the groups and meet others just like you who are working on their recoveries. 
    It is hard to change and takes great courage and I think often those around CGs do not know how to support.  It is hard to believe someone who has constantly ****.   I know it is an old cliché but time is the greatest healer and given gamble-free time you will find that you will be trusted again.  
    Many CGs find it greatly beneficial to self-ban themselves from casinos – I hope you will consider this.  
    You are in a cycle B and only you can stop it.   You are not lower than dirt – you are a compulsive gambler and you always will be.   You can control that addiction if you really want to do so.    
    The straight talking bit G is that you will always be broke and you will never win – that is the nature of your addiction.   I am proud to know many CGs who live wonderful lives in control of their addiction and who have shown extra special personality as a result of fighting their demons.  
    Please write again, join our groups, contact our helpline, join GA, do everything you can to find the support you need.  
    One day at a time B are the words you will see most in this forum.   All you have to worry about is today – make a pact that just for today you will not gamble.
    Look down the threads B and you will see a thread called ‘August – ODAAT’ by Cat438.  Join in on it.  There is usually a pact being run and they do work.   You will know that you are not alone.  
    I will pop over again soon to see how you are doing.   You are among people who understand you.   You can do it.  Well done writing this post – the first post is the hardest.
    Velvet
     

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.