4 April 2014 at 2:25 am #3308TryingMyBestParticipant
I found this website after a google search. I have two CG’s, my mom and my now ex-boyfriend.
I dated my one CG for almost a year. Around the second months I told him about my mom’s gambling addiction. He continued to hide his own from me. Around the fifth month circumstances led to me finding out about his gambling problem. I have been in relationships with one other person suffering with sexual addiction and so this time I was a lot more aware of my own codependency issues. Six months after t he discovery of my CG ex’s addiction, I decided that it was time to walk away. I am not sure that oit was the right decicion, but I am tired. I am tired of the lies, the promises of change and most of all the unwillingness to use avaiable resources. I’ve had control over his finanaces and the system we have set up we had agreed that he would send copies of his bank statements at the end of each week. I got tired of having to nag him about it. I got tired of promises made about gifts aroudn my birthday and Christmas that just never came. I ultimately decided that however much I love him, I have to walk away and choose someone that will love me better. That will have the ability to love me better. I told him that with my mom I cannot choose, but with him I can. He is a wonderful person and in the gay community it’s hard to find someone who wants to be faithful and raise a family. I thought I had found my future husband. Nowmy dreams are shattered and I am forced to face what was always plain to see: 1) I cannot help him, just in the same way that I have come to accept that I can’t help my mother. 2) I come from the chaos of addiction whether both mom and dad are addicted (gambling and alcohol), I chose a partner who was addicted to sex and the second time around I did the same by choosing my ex-boyfriend (CG). Because of this I have to admit that this is my pattern and that I want to choose better. I have to take a hard look at myself and do my own recovery work.
You guys, I need a lot of help. Where do I start?4 April 2014 at 8:29 am #3309velvetModerator
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our4 April 2014 at 7:44 pm #3310san250Participant
you have such an insight already to the gambling/addiction. I personally think you did the right think in walking away as this will give you much needed space to start/continue your own recovery. I also believe co-dependency is the other side of the coin to addiction/abuse in general. And when you can work through co-dependency you will become a much stronger person and will not attract the addicts. Well done for starting your thread and I hope others will give you some ideas on how to start your recovery.
Although my mother is not a cg, I have not spoken to her in over a year and I have to say I do not miss the drama and chaos she caused in my life. It was very hard to cut those aprons strings but I feel so much better for it and my life is much quieter. Just something to think about. Best wishes San6 April 2014 at 3:40 am #3311twilight16Participant
As San’s wrote, you know much of this addiction and how it operates. It is never truthful and it is only out to get the next fix. Unfortunately, unless the cg is active in their recovery really wanting to stop gambling there is little anyone can do.
My father is a cg and I know from a very early age what this does to a family and how this addiction tears deep in a family. As you said there is little you can do to make anyone stop gambling, but there is much you can do to take care of yourself. I went years turning the other cheek with my father’s gambling and in the end it really nipped me. I suffered much and so did my family. This addiction just keeps on snowballing until it is either stopped, by not enabling or until it destroys the cg and often this includes the family. Your parents will always be your parents, but they are not entitled to ruin your life. Hopefully you have not enabled them as this will only allow the addicton to grow.
It seems everyone has an addiction these days, so don’t be too hard on yourself. In time the right person will come in your life , I think it is best that you just focus on you and being happy.
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