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    • #30987
      Lost All Hope
      Participant

      I had a journal years ago but decided it would be best to start over. I hope whoever reads this, who has not gone as far as I have, will take notice and see where they will end up if they continue to gamble.
      I am a 56 yr old female. I started gambling in about 1989 when I got married in Las Vegas. That was my first experience with gambling. When I returned home, I started playing bingo with friends…that progressed to going to the riverboats several years later. By 1999 I was divorced. Several months later while gambling at a riverboat I met my next husband. He was a high roller gambler and boy he didn’t have to convince me that I could be one too. We married and gambled like fiends. We divorced in 2004. I moved away, got a job, but continued to go to the riverboats and play the lottery. Life was hell. Always in debt etc….finally in May of 2011(?) I banned myself from casinos. Life was ok after that although I continued to play the lottery here and there but my rent was getting paid on time and even though I still didn’t manage money well, things were not going all that bad.
      The in March of 2014, on my birthday, I was on break at work and someone asked me what I was doing for my birthday..I said I had no plans. I have no family where I live and basically no friends. They suggested I go to one of the new gambling cafes Illinois has recently allowed in. Before that point, I had no desire to go to one. Well, needless to say, I went. Things right now could not be worse for me.
      In debt, behind in rent and the worst part…..money is missing at work from petty cash. They have discovered in the last 2 weeks, 2 managers at other units with money missing. they have fired both and are in the process of prosecuting them. They are doing audits at all units now so it is just a matter of time, probably a week or 2 before they do mine. I have totally ruined my life. I go to sleep at night and pray that I will not wake up. I’ve ruined my life over a stupid machine that took my money and worst of all my dignity. I could have had a good life but it’s too late now…I hope it’s not too late for others. Stop before you get to the point I did and there’s no turning back.

    • #30988
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      <

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team


      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #30989
      Anonymous
      Guest

      You know the great thing about life is it never too late to start again as you found last time you stopped gambling. Stop and think! Is there any action you can take today to improve matters?
      It’s a horrible situation to be in but one which will come and go ,regardless of how uncomfortable it is right now. Losing a job isn’t the end of the world. Being prosecuted isn’t the end of the world..let’s get perspective…I’m just saying people have done far worse things than stolen a few quid!!! you are way way down the pecking order of wrong things people have done! you are basically a good person who has lost their way a little.

      Money missing from petty cash doesn’t sound like a lot. Can you sell something to cover it? you have a few weeks…can you get a second job, eg cleaning or serving in a fast food joint or anywhere to cover it?

      Take action today to stop gambling. Self ban from all casinos you frequent. Cut up all cards. There is always hope..sometimes you just need to let go of the fear and think clearly.

      Hope this helps..i know how devastating gambling is and how it can bring us to our knees…but never ever lose hope.
      I will pray for a resolution!

    • #30990
      Lost All Hope
      Participant

      Thank you for your post Happy68. It is a substantial amount of money..2k…..a felony and at my age, lets face it, I would never be able to get another good enough job to support myself with having a felony.

    • #30991
      Lost All Hope
      Participant

      And thank you for your prayers, I really appreciate that. I question whether God listens to prays for people who have done wrong though.

    • #30992
      Lost All Hope
      Participant

      I do know that this group helped me tremendously in the past and hoping it can do so again.

    • #30993
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Lah!
      Would this be the same God who welcomed sinners, who forgives us all time and time again, who is holding your hand right now and guiding you through this situation?
      There must be a way to raise £2k..maybe a loan from somewhere?
      I don’t believe that God waits for us to change to help us…(some people on here believe that…the he only helps us when we are doing the right things) …I believe he helps us every time we call on His name, and often when we forget to! rem all those people in the bible that he cured and some forgot to say thank you..he didn’t take back the cure, or put any conditions on it.
      I hope this group helps you loads…Take time out and reflect …there is a way through this…you still have a few weeks…take action!

    • #30994
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Lost All Hope. I know right now that life feels hopeless. I felt the same way when I came to this site. Is there anyone that you feel that you can talk to? Someone who could be there for you? You may have to let things play out at work and face the consequences. You are not a bad person, you are a CG. We have all done things to gamble. I understand your concerns about your future. I am sending you good thoughts and vibs. I hope that everything works out for you. It’s never too late. Don’t give up on yourself.

    • #30995
      Lost All Hope
      Participant

      I’ve been sitting here thinking about what to write and am coming up with just nothing. It’s like I am just numb. I’m just daily waiting for it all to come crashing down.

    • #30996
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Dear Lost, I know that I am not there physically but I am here for you. You have been in my thoughts. I know the feeling of being numb and feeling lost. Can you find a GA meeting to attend? It’s a start. It may be of comfort for you to be around other people who understand what you are going through. We have all felt despair and hopelessness being CG’ s. Do you have any family members that you can turn to for help? I am around your age and I know that it’s probably hard for you to ask for help but we all need help sometimes. You are not alone. Please post your feelings. It will help you processs everything. Take care.

    • #30997
      female g
      Participant

      this is a rock bottom situation I would think and during this time I hope you place yourself in basic lockdown. Through out, cut up and remove any access to money that can be spent in a casino, including any other type of gaming house.. Is there someone you can find support from?? A ga meeting and support person to help talk you down when urges strike. We often refuse to listen to ourselves when we trigger ourselves to go, but that too must change in order to stop.
      I have always had the most success when I tighten up my controls. It is extremely important not to become complacient EVER that is when trouble will arise. The gamble monster will rear its ugly head when ever it finds your not alert.
      Remember God helps those who help themselves. Don’t loose faith when you fail. Look for strenght instead. xoxFG

    • #30998
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Lost. I was wondering how you are doing. Please post. I hope that you are okay.

    • #30999
      Anonymous
      Guest

      HI LAH, hope you are feeling a little less worried. xx

    • #31000
      Lost All Hope
      Participant

      Hello everyone. Haven’t gambled but then I’ve had no money so not really a god indicator if I will or not. There really isn’t anything I can do except wait for the shoe to drop. Whether its today or 2 weeks, I don’t know but it will be soon.

    • #31001
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Lost. I know you are under a lot of stress and uncertainty. I don’t know what you believe in. If possible, try to hand over to your higher power some of the stress so you can calm yourself a little. I am thinking of you.

    • #31002
      ripvanleonard
      Participant

      Hi LAH, I was in a similar position before going to the GMA program. As hard as it was, I handed myself in. It went heavily in my favour. Although I have a criminal record now, I also have peace of mind. It was more stressful waiting to be discovered. At least by handing myself in I felt like I was taking control and accepting the consequences.

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