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    Ok so here goes, my names J, after ALOT of reading on this site, I find its only right to post my journal aswell as experience to help myself and others. I am 22 years old.
    I first entered a casino when I was 12 years old in Kenya, with my uncle, won a little money maybe 40 quid or so and loved it, the thrill, the fact that I could make money while doing nothing but soemthing I got a buzz from.
    When I got back to the UK, I always used to play slot machines and take aways when ever I could, yes it was illegal but they still would let me, so I would not complain, playing to the maximum of 5-10 quid hoping to win the jackpot, like I said I loved the thrill and buzz, my father used to own a pizza shop along time ago, and my brother would play on the machine there, he had a book and would ALWAYS win, it got to the point that the machine was oweing him money and didnt have any money to pay out so when the guy comes he used to pay my brother.
    As I grew older and went to college, there was a shop just down the road with bigger jackpots of up 500 quid, Ps. I had the money as I used to buy and sell things from electronics to fake clothing, so thats where I got the money from to pay with. I always used to pay there sometimes go in with 40-50 quid win 140 or so and leave but I always needed someone with me to make me leave, sometimes I would just stay there untill I lose it all over again, once I won the 500 quid jackpot, could not belive it, so much for doing so little! but guess what I walked out with 20 quid or so, I thought I could win another jackpot in a another machine , so I kept on playing and once I had around 300 quid I thought once I get back to 500 I will leave but it never happened and I walked out with 20 quid. So in short whever I saw a slot machine I would want to play it, aiports, take aways etc.
    When I got to University, with having a strong addiction for weed, smoking huge amounts every day as a must. after a year or so I started gambling again but this time I got into roulette, and betting on football games, sometimes I would win and sometimes loose, betting on games I used to pay with my friends, all add up money and bet on matches. To be honest I am the one who got my friend into roulette as he used to see me play and win, so he would want to aswell, but his addiction was no way as strong as mine. I would want to play all the time, at this time it was at hundreds of pounds and maximum would be a thousand pounds.
    After my second year of university, me and my friends went to the casino with 300-400 pounds each, I won 4.5k, and it is to them that I left with those winnings, the next day I had these stupid thoughts that I could be a professional gambler, and that I am so good at it etc. I than started to play online william hill live roulette and lost everything in two days, and I felt as if I had to get it back, that 4.5k and If I got it back I would stop, so I started going into my brothers account and even added my dads credit card on my william hill account and it worked, with those two sources I had the last 900 quid to use, if I had lost that I would have nothing to eat, but I still played it.
    That night I took that 900 quid to around 4k, so I was really happy clicked withdraw, but I dont know if you guys know, william hill has this thing that they give you one day to reverse your withdrawel and so I did the next day, I thought I could take it to more than 4k, and I did got to around 12k, I was soo happy I couldnt belive it. clicked withdraw but yes you guessed it next day I reversed it again and took it to 25k’!! Words couldnt describe my feelings, the most I won in one spin was 9 grand, and withdrew the whole amount I even broke my internet adapter so I would not try and go back on.
    So I got the whole amount 25k, just in time for my holiday as I was leaving to Dubai  than to Kenya, to meet my brother and my dad, while in Dubai I brought jwellery, and spent money on two of my friends as I knew they didnt have alot on them and since I had won this I didnt mind.
    Once I got to Kenya I tried playing with stock markets, buying and selling shares, after spending money in Dubai and paying my brother back I had around 20k in the space of one month I made that to 32k, with shares, I found out I failed my second year at uni but didnt really care, as I thought I had all this money to start me off doing soemthing. In August 2011 the stock markets crashed and that was the time I than moved to spread betting as I thought I could make more and more but quickly, markets crashed I lost half of it within a few days.
    I than went back to London, and had 16k I wanted back that 32k I had a few months ago, so I went to the casino everytime with 2.5k over a week I lost everything had no money to eat! friends were looking after me. I was meant to deposit money into my dads account, (2k) so I rented out our house, and put the money in. but I wanted that money that I had 16k just a week back, I was even thinking of pawning my familys jwellery and trying to win my money back than thought I could go back to the pawn shop and buy it back with the winnings, but my friends stopped me.
    I went back to Kenya told my father that I lost the money in shares, so he would not know I had a gambleing problem, yes he was angry but at the end of the day what could he do it was my money, dad foudn out about the house on rent it caused big problems as the family did not move out after the date which they were meant to.
    after 6 months my dad and my brother left kenya to go and sort out the house and left me in charge of the business and I started to gamble again in small amounts first it was 50-100 pounds than it started to get worse, 300-400 pounds and at most I would go in with just under a 1k hoping to win all the money that I had lost, in over 2-3 months I had lost around 8-9k, my dad found out I told him I would not do it again and he trusted me, so he didnt come back to kenya but said if he caught me doing it again he would get on a flite without me knowing and come back, and yes it was ok for a month or so but then it started AGAIN as I met a friend who lived next to me who I thought was a friend told him my problems sort of than he would feed my gambling addiction and say look take this 400 pounds, pay me back 500 pounds in the morning, I thought I could win and went. that happened alot of the time and it would even get to a point where i would not have the money to pay him and he would want 200 pounds a day in intrest, 100 in the morning and 100 at night from a 400 pound loan!
    I got as low to changing banking slips so I could not let my father know that i was in to it again, sold the jwellery I brought for them in dubai, sold my watch sold my laptop and my brothers.
    It got to a point where I had to tell my father otherwise the business would close down because of me, so I did.
    He is so mad at me, and I fullly understand, sometimes he gets to frustrated as he says how can you go so low etc. but he doesn’t understand that compulsive gambling is like a disease I kept thinking that if I go back with more and my number comes in I could win it all back. I am now seeing a thearpist and praying that I stop, as what gambling has done to me I really want a future without it, I know I can do it but sometimes when my dad gets mad as he thinks of what has happened, and shouts etc. I just feel like going back to london as I am getting 25k from my grandmother who passed away and I think I may go with that.
    I really want a future without all this, and it has been more than 5-6 weeks that I have not entered a casino but I am worried when I do get my 25k I may go back, and I really dont want to I am doing all what I can, thearapist and praying I hope this helps others like me and gambling is not the way for people like us, you just cant cut your losses and think if you go back with more you will win.
    I dont want this life, and I am sure others don’t. (help)"Thats Life"

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