1 November 2021 at 8:07 pm #142133felaios777Participant
I am 27 years old, have a university-degree, a decent and respected job, am single, no kids. I am gambling (sport bets) frequently since 3-4 years. There was a period of about 2 years before that when I was gambling too and I was able to stop doing it without any help or any tools, for about 1 year. Looking back, I respect myself for being able to do that and I wish I was able to manage that again. Made several attempts since then but can’t manage to hold it off for more than 2-3 days, before I start again.
I am perfectly aware that I have a problem, it affected prior relationships since I was very moody and aggressive when I lost bets. But I still find myself placing bets when I catch myself having a weak moment. Problem for me is that it is that easy to place bets. Just go onto a website, register/log in, make a deposit and there you go. I self excluded myself literally from dozens of pages, but there is always an opportunity to bet somewhere (new bookers, etc.). It takes hours to resist and 20-30 seconds to make a deposit. When I get my salary at the start of the month I have moments when I think “alright man, you have enough money on your bank account, just leave it be and do not even try to play, you know what will happen otherwise”. Well, guess what. When I have that weak moment and make my first loss on a bet, things start to go downhill and before I even realize it I have lost an amount of money which I try to win back. 2-3 weeks into the month I realize that I have fucked up everything again.
The less money I have, the more I struggle, because I have that deep hope to be able to make winnings and have more money. I am someone who hates losing, am very competitive and emotion-driven. So if I lose a bet, I get so frustrated and I instantly try to make another deposit to make up for it. And I do not bet on games or sports that I have some knowledge of, no, I try to place on those bets where you can make the fastest money, but I do not have much knowledge of. You can imagine that in 9 out of 10 cases this leads to a disaster. Lost about 200€ today when I can not afford to lose that amound of money in my current situation (paying back a hight credit which I took to finance my new appartment). Luckily I have friends and a brother who can and will loan me money which I can pay back in about 4 weeks without any problem. I am on vacation from work now, since 10 days, and since I can’t afford to go anywhere to travel right now, I spend most of the day at home and this doesn’t exactly help me to get away from gambling. I have lost more money on those vacation days than I did before in a longer period of time.
I am really, really frustrated. I hate myself right now, I am so pissed and want to hit myself when I think about what I did a couple of hours ago when there was absolutely no need to do that. One hour of uncontrolled betting leads to weeks of not being able to afford anything. I can’t emphazize how angry I am at myself. I have reached an age where I want to make that final step into being an adult that can stand onto his own feet and be independent. I want to have a stable financial situation, travel a lot and maybe even start thinking towards a serious relationship, kids, etc. Meeting women is not a problem for me usually but since at least 2 months I am not active on dating since I do not have any motivation left because of losing money all the time and I do not want to drag any women in this hole I find myself in right now.
No one knows about this. At least not that I have a problem of that size. People know that I bet for fun, but they don’t know that I am literally living two lives at the same time. When I am at work or with friends, everything seems and feels normal, but inside I always have that urge to place the next bet.
Really feel like a loser since weeks. Like someone who can not stand up against this goddamn addiction and do something about it. Like a helpless and unresponsible kid.
I always catch myself thinking that I could win and earn money if I was betting with more patience and more self-control. I have now decided that I am simply not capable of doing that and it always leads to losing too much money eventually.
Is it even possible to beat this addiction? To be gamble free forever? In the last 3-4 years I have placed a bet almost every single day. When I manage to stop for 1-2 days I feel the relief of not being stressed, being more relaxed, but one little trigger or when little weak moments destroys it all. I have to also say that I never used anti-gambling-tools before. I have downloaded gamban now on my phone and notebook. I have self-excluded myself from the booking pages that I used the most.
I would really like to read something encouraging, someone who has had similar struggles and managed to overcome this. I still consider myself “lucky” to not have destroyed my life yet. I do not have any debts that I am not able to pay back. Before it gets worse I want to make this stop and be gamble-free.
1 November 2021 at 8:07 pm #142152charlesModerator
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
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