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  • #4768
    Battmannxyz
    Participant

    I’m not sure how to online forum…
    I picked up my phone tonight with the hope that I might get some answers.
    I live with my partner and his parents in their family home, and tonight it came out (not from him) that he has a gambling addiction. At first, I thought it was drugs… as he does like that too…
    But I fucked up when I said that I had ga8ned a bit more respect for him knowing that it wasn’t drugs. We have been together on and off for 11 years (young relationship) been through some very tough times and grown up together.
    I’ve just recently got promoted… on a lot more money and I am starting to get my life together. 8n the past I have seriously struggled with addictions myself and self harm (which I am still working on)
    We hav3 been talking about buying a house together. But I just don’t trust him. I don’t trust a single thing he says and his money issues scare me because I’m constantly bailing him out, with petrol and food etc. I have my own demons I need to conquer but I would never forgive myself if I just walked away. It would ruin me. I love him so much and seeing him cry and in pain hurts so much more than anything I could do to myself. I’m not asking how to fix him because I know he needs to want it himself. I need to keep my sanity and atleast make sure that I don’t go back into my old ways.
    I hope I have made some sense

    #4769
    velvet
    Moderator

    <

    Hello Battman

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4770
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Battman
    Nobody on this site will ever tell you to leave your partner or to stay, what we will give you is information on the addiction to gamble because knowledge of the addiction will give you power over it and help you to make informed decisions on your life.
    I assume from your post that the information came from your partner’s parents and I wondered what, if anything, they were doing to support their son – and you.
    I am not judging Battman, but when you say that you are bailing him out, what you are doing is freeing up money for him with which he can gamble. Giving a CG (compulsive gambler) money, or financially bailing out, is the same as giving an alcoholic a drink or giving a quick fix to a drug addict – you were not to know.
    You make complete sense to me and you are right when you recognise that the only person who can save your partner is himself, however, what you can do, which is the right thing for you and for him, is to look after you first and foremost. If you allow yourself to be manipulated and taken down by your partner’s addiction you will not be able to support anyone. Your partner didn’t ask for or want his addiction anymore than you, he would probably give everything to be able to gamble responsibly but he cannot – you on the other hand do not own his addiction and you can be the rock for both of you.
    It is very hard to be tough but CGs tears are generally only for themselves and the fact they cannot gamble – only after acceptance do the tears tend to fall for real remorse for the pain caused to others. Please try and deal with your own demons and let your partner deal with his. If he chooses to gamble and lose his money, I suggest that you let him be the one to take responsibility for his choice and if he is hungry, give him basic food.
    I am hoping that your partner’s parents are supporting you with this problem, the addiction to gamble is divisive and unity against it by his whole family is the best thing for your partner.
    Now that you are aware of his problem, has your partner accepted his addiction, does he want help? If he does then pointing him towards the right support for him is the best thing you can do, after taking care of yourself first. This site offers terrific support to CGs – on our Helpline (which is also there for you), our CG groups and our CG forum ‘My Journal’. In the UK there are the Gordon Moody Association residential programmes which are responsible for many, many success stories – including the CG in my life. There is also Gamblers Anonymous. None of these groups are judgmental; your partner would be welcome and understood in all of them.
    Well done starting your thread, your partner is indeed lucky to have someone like you on his side. You are now among those who understand you and who will support you and be here for you for however long you need it. It would be great to communicate with you in real time in the Friends and Family Group on Tuesday 20.00-21.00 hours UK time. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
    I will leave my first reply to you there Battman and wait to hear from you.
    Velvet

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