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  • #3303
    velvet
    Moderator

      
      
      

    IF you are reading and not posting please read on.

    IF you feel you were overlooked at any stage please post again.

    IF you feel you need support but feel unsure about posting, we understand – we all did a ‘first post’ once and know how daunting it can be.   Just write a few words – you will heard and you will receive a reply.

    IF you feel daunted by putting words to paper please don’t worry. Every word registers with someone, every word gives credence to our unity of spirit. 

    IF more people post the more we emphasize that we are not alone and we can succeed.

    IF you feel you cannot support it doesn’t matter but please make yourself known.

    IF you feel you cannot support but have read other posts and would like to say ‘just something’ – write on that person’s thread and register that you have heard them – it will make a difference.

    IF your loved one has controlled their addiction and you would still like support – please post. It is why I started on this forum.  

    IF your loved one has controlled their addiction and you don’t feel you need support any more – you can make a difference by posting to others, although I fully understand why you want to leave this part of your life behind.

    IF your loved one did not control their addiction but you have moved on – you can make a difference by updating, although I understand again the desire to leave this part of your life behind.

    IF you want to talk privately then the F&F group peer groups, a bit like Gamanon, are available between 1300-1400 hours UK time every Wednesday and between 2100-2000 hours UK time every Thursday.  What is said in the group room stays in the group.

    IF you are in need of support over the weekends when there are no groups the site has an un-facilitated chat room. It is for the whole community. I think it is great.

    IF I have left any iFs out please always feel free to moan at me.
    One person saying something can be shrugged off. Two people saying something might be worth checking out. A forum of people saying the same thing in a multitude of ways and languages proves, to me at least, that we are saying something that is right and can be life-changing. 
    I appreciate that most members who no longer post have left the problem that they came here with behind in the safety of this forum and that is how it should be but occasionally we hear that someone has been reading for two years and not writing.

    IF you are reading and any of the above applies to you please just say ‘hi’. 

    Velvet
     
     
     

    #3304
    jenny46
    Participant

    Fantastic post and could be a great topic !! If I could sum up my experience with this addiction many of my sentences would start with IF …. after every IF comes a BUT !!

    There are no buts about this forum, I am just so glad the “but” I had that day didn’t stop me from coming here !! I still do the IFs but I don’t do the “buts”.

    Good one !!

    Jenny x

    #3305
    nomore 56
    Participant

    Velvet, your post hit the nail on the head! And Jenny, thx for mentioning the “Buts”! I would like to add an “If only”. My mantra for so many years. If only…my hb would see the light and quit gambling. I had not made so many wrong decisions. If only this and if only that. Then my life would have been great, peaceful, meaningful, insert the positive result here….The way I look at it today is that the “ifs” and “if onlys” were just a way for me to justify my stand still, my not acting when deep down inside I knew that I was my own worst enemy. But hindsight is always much better of course. IF I could turn back time, things would have panned out much differently. BUT that is not an option. The ” if he would only quit gambling” became true. It looks like this today: my hb takes care of his own money but gives me the majority of it so I feel safer today. He has made amends to his family as much as possible. He has built better relationships with his daughters by being truthful, reliable and responsible. He doesn’t make any promises that he can’t keep anymore. He listens and tries never to judge but to understand where others come from. I appreciate this change so much. BUT I honestly wonder IF our marriage would have turned out to be better had he not been the pretend person I met all those years ago. Maybe, just maybe I got what I thought I needed. Not the gambling of course but the person he was back then. Or rather pretended to be. Weird thinking, I know. However, after the attempts he made to start recovery, the years of relapse mode, after everything that happened and the nightmare we went through I would have never thought that he would make these incredible changes in almost all areas of his life and turn out to be the man he is today at the ripe old age of 61! I guess what I mean is that this transformation is possible, no matter how hopeless the situation might be. Yes, we are only friends today and there are many things that will never go away. A lot of damage was done and can’t be repaired. But at the end of the day IF a cg like he was since childhood can turn his life around, so can almost every cg.

    #3306
    adele
    Participant

    Well then … Hi!

    I tried real hard to think of one more “IF” just so I could moan at you Velvet, but alas, it seems you’ve covered them all!

    Things are for the most part good with me – and very, very busy. Of course I still read here, I’m just usually too pooped to post …

    I will update soon.

    Adele

    #3307
    twilight16
    Participant

    I remember when I first came here. I was nervous as heck to post, feeling overhelmed to get my feelings out for others to read, but you know it was what I needed to start my journey. I believe the first thread is the hardest but then it is all downhill.

    If you are scared, don’t be. It is quite a liberating feeling to get the junk you have been holding in out.
    Twilight

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