25 February 2019 at 4:38 pm #6628jenstar124Participant
This is such a hard post to write, but I fear if I don’t do something, my marriage will end.
I have been married to my husband for almost 7 years. He’s always loved poker since I met him, but it was never a problem. It was nothing more than sitting around with college buddies hanging out and having a good time. In 2010, his father unexpectedly passed away. I pinpoint that as the time when his gambling very, very slowly started getting out of control. In 2014, he got a new job and we packed up and moved to El Paso, TX. There are no casinos there, so his gambling was dormant until we took a trip to Ruidoso, NM where there is an indian casino, but even then he wasn’t going crazy and stayed within boundaries I gave him. In 2015m, we moved to Dallas where there was a casino 45 minutes from us in Oklahoma, but it was a drive and he didn’t do it very much. But, when he did, I started noticing the amount he was spending slowly increase. Now we live in Galveston and poker rooms have popped up everywhere. We had some trouble making friends here, and he met people while playing poker. The problem is, the people he met are not the best people. They’ve quit their jobs to play professionally, and it’s all they do. They constantly text him to come play. We’ve been in Galveston since 2017 and his gambling has gotten completely out of control. We sold our house on the east coast (where we’re from, we rented it out when we moved to Texas) and we made $50k off it and he’s already gambled away $20k of it. He mainly gambles when I go home to the east coast to visit family because I’m not around to notice that he’s gone. Last August is when I came home from a visit home and noticed $10k gone. We had a horrible fight and I was ready to leave him but he swore to me that he wouldn’t gamble anymore. I feel stupid for believing him. I went home for a month in December and I know he gambled. I recently went home again and came back to find that he had taken $10k out of our account to invest in a poker room with someone else, without even talking to me about it. I was ready to pack my bags again but he begged me not to. This morning, he was sleeping but his alarm was going off on his phone in the living room and I went to turn it off, and saw he had a text. I checked it to see if it was something urgent work-related, and saw all these texts from people asking him to come play poker and him accepting, owing people money, and also telling people he couldn’t play because “the wife won’t let me”.
I’m at my wits end. I plan to tell him tonight that we need to start marriage counseling, or I’m done. I have noticed how depressed this situation has made me. I don’t want to leave the house or do anything because of how emotionally scarred I feel over this. I’m worth more, and I know that, but I also love him. I also know I can’t make him change. He has to do that, and I don’t think he wants to. I’m sure that the death of his father is what spurred this problem. But, I don’t know what to do.
I can’t talk about this with anyone close to me. I’m embarrassed that it’s an issue. My mom swore to me that gambling could break up our marriage, and it looks like she might be right.gamble anymore. B25 February 2019 at 7:14 pm #6629charlesModerator
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
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You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team28 February 2019 at 12:30 pm #6630velvetModerator
I could see how hard it must have been for you to write your post but I am so glad that you did. Holding all those painful thoughts in while they swirl around your brain with no outlet is not healthy.
It seems to me that fear has tied you up and is stopping you from moving on with your life – I hope that by being here and sharing you will feel less alone and more able to cope.
There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, your husband did not want or ask for his addiction anymore than you did. No compulsive gambler ever set off with the intention of being so.
Do you have good times with your husband Jen where gambling is not top of the agenda in your thoughts?
Did you have your discussion about marriage counselling and if so what was your husband’s reaction?
Everything that you have described is understood here.
Please post again soon
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