[Amber_Disfordone]

Hi all today is day 2 of being gamble free. So sad empty I don’t think I have even let it sink in the damage and ugliness of me in this disease. I know there are probably worse days to come, but better ones to follow if I can make the nessicary changes. I will try to get to those better days one day at a time.

[Cruising247]

Hi Amber
Continue to take one day at a time. That is what I have been doing for the last 29 days. I cannot believe after tomorrow I will be gambling free for one month, I am so excited.
So continue to take it a day at the time, you will be amazed at how fast time flies. It seems like it was just yesterday for me, but it’s been almost a month. Hang in there, you got this. Just try to come on the forum for accountability. I just returned a couple days ago, the success stories give me that motivation I need to press my way through.

[Amber_Disfordone]

Well another sleepless night… but I didn’t gamble so I guess that’s what is important. I could have, my family isn’t here, but I didn’t even tho the thought did cross my mind. Instead I went to an online meeting and stayed on FaceTime with my partner until I attempted sleep. Up and down all night. Reliving the misery I caused. Dreading all the embarrassment that I will undoubtedly will have to face. But one day at a time things can get better and I will keep that in my mind. Day 3 now I guess I do not feel any better yet but I can if I change. My family can feel better and someday I hope they will be able to trust me again unbelievably they still love me and want to just see me change. Please God let me get better. I am powerless to gambling my life has become unmanageable I can not go on like this

[Amber_Disfordone]

Congratulations on your 30 days!! And thank you for your supportive words. I will continue coming.

[Amber_Disfordone]

Just wanted to get some messed up thoughts out of my head. As much peace I know I will have once I have finally let go of this demon the thought of saying never again scares me. I’m in this abusive relationship with gambling where I remember all the good times just to get punched around again and again. And worst of all I have become the emotional abuser to the people who I really love. All the passion I’ve put in my demon has been devastating misplaced. I hope to see the day when they are finally getting what they deserve from me and not the bs that I have left for them once I come limping home with my tail between my legs. They greet me with love and forgiveness that I don’t deserve and so far I just take that back to the casino. Not again. Not today at least one day at a time. Today the emotions are coming a lot of tears shed. Hopefully the ones that will finally show me that this is rock bottom. Tears that can float me another day further from my self destruction. I listened to a podcast today that suggested I never forget this pain. Don’t dwell but don’t forget. I hope I can always heed this advice

[Cruising247]

Hi Amber,
Thank you.
“One day at a time.”
You got this, you can do it I am cheering for you.
Just concentrate on getting better, not giving in to that demon. When your family see you trying to take control of your life again, you will slowly begin to regain their trust.

Hang in there…

[Amber_Disfordone]

You’re so right Kin that is I’m sure where I have gone wrong with every attempt at recovery is when I think I’m strong enough I forget that I need ga I need God and I need to acknowledge every day that I am an addict and forever will be. But I want to acknowledge that daily so I can stay in recovery instead of this constant round and round with relapse. I wish you strength. I wish someday we all wake up from this nightmare.

[Amber_Disfordone]

Thank you so much! I know that you are right. Time and effort and proof of dedication to living the right way is what I need to do. It’s so hard not to focus on the pain that I’ve caused yet. But someday one day at a time I know. I hope you are having a blessed day ❤️

[charles]

Hi Amber. You have stopped before and you can stop again. This time though keep things in place. Keep the barriers up – actions that help you stop gambling are the same actions that can help rebuild trust with family.

This time also keep using support – here and GA meetings etc. If we need help to stop then it is important to keep using support to maintain recovery.

[Amber_Disfordone]

Thank you Charles and I know that’s true. I cannot let go of the life line that keeps me safer from gambling. I tried to get int a ga meeting online today but I am having technical difficulties. I’m happy that there are in person meeting options again I intend to go to my first in person meeting in 13 years in the morning. Zoom is so great and such a convenient option but I feel like it will feel a whole lot more real in person. I’ll see tomorrow.

[Amber_Disfordone]

I didn’t make it to the in person meeting this morning but I did go to one online that I think I was meant to be in instead. A lot of things said I needed to hear. I spent some time today looking back at what I was writing here in the past. There is hope. The longest I’ve stayed committed to this journal was 43 days from what I can see. The fact that it got me to 43 days shows me that it does help. I must be diligent with this, with meetings, prayer. Those things have helped. Not doing them has always led me back to devastation. I can not do this alone. I am powerless to gambling.

[Amber_Disfordone]

I’m so upset about the money, but that’s gone and I can earn more. I’m just so livid about the joy that I wanted to say it stole from me, but no that I chose to give away to gambling. I am so humiliated I can’t look a single person in the eyes for the past 4 days because I’m scared they’ll be able to see the ugliness inside of me. All day at work avoiding and then the worst part is when I go home and feel the same. And they have the whole truth and want to try to love me through this. I hope I change so it is all worth it for them. The joy that I give away to gambling even once I’m done. I have a date with my daughter tomorrow I hope I can muster up the excitement she deserves. I have been here before I know it gets easier but I don’t know if I want it to because in the past that is a beginning of another go around in the ring with my demon. Not this time!! This time I won’t get back in the ring, at least not today one day at a time.

[Amber_Disfordone]

Well today is my fifth day for sure without gambling. Went to a zoom meeting this morning but I didn’t share. I’m just so emotional now. I am going to make it a goal to share something every time tho and also to get to a face to face meeting

[Amber_Disfordone]

So today is my 7th day. Feeling better,feeling like I can stick to this. Going to a meeting every day reading a lot tuning in to some podcasts. Looking forward to it beautiful life one day at a time

[Amber_Disfordone]

I don’t know about you all, but for me when I’m in these very low days time slows down almost to a halt. I relive every last relapse try to remember all the mistakes that I made to get me back to this place. It’s almost as if God slows down time because he wants to make sure I take the time to GET it finally. I hope so. I hope I’m learning. I hope I can grow and change from all these terrible dark times and experiences so that one day I can look back and say they were all worth it because I will be so proud of the person I became and this was just the path I took to get there.

[Cruising247]

Hi
It seems like just yesterday when you said you were on day 2, and you have already made it to day 7.
I am sooo happy for you. You got this….
“One day at a time.”

[Amber_Disfordone]

I’m so tired of ending every year thinking thank goodness this year is over…as if the year has anything to do with it. So tired of the life I was choosing to live before. I really hope that I can stay focused on what is important. I want to be in December next year thinking “Wow! This was an amazing year!” And be able to be proud of myself and my growth and look back at all the happy memories created because I didn’t let gambling tarnish any of them. I don’t know if it’s good to be wishing into the future… but I can get there one day at a time. ❤️

[Cruising247]

Hi Amber
Just dropping in to say Hello.
Hoping you are doing well.

Taking it “One day at a time.”

[charles]

Hi Amber – the way next year ends will depend on what you do NOW. Keep using support, keep the barriers in place, get to those mee5tings – both online and in person. Life doesn’t get better straight away but it does get better. One thing that does happen straight away is that it stops getting worse!. Keep posting.

[Amber_Disfordone]

Thanks guys! That is so true and I think that that is something that has finally clicked this time… I know not that one I stop going to meetings and writing here it’s only a matter of time until I will gamble again… not this time I’m sticking around I’m going to continue with GA!! I will be diligent. Odaat! ❤️

[Amber_Disfordone]

Cruising do sweet of you to check in on me. I’m doing good. Day 24 now! I hope you’re doing well too!! ❤️

[Cruising247]

Hi Amber!
Sooo excited to hear that you are hanging in there, Congratulations on your 24 days of being gamble free.
I’m on Day 53, still taking it “one day at a time.”
Again, Congrats!👏👏👏🎉

[Cruising247]

Hi Amber!
Happy New Year!
Dropping in to see how it’s going?

I hope and pray all is well with you.

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