1 September 2013 at 1:23 am #1334daddaParticipant
Hi. I have been trying to cope for a while. I think on one level, however, I have given up.
I’m divorced, as of 11/2012. Ex filed and that was after his affair with married nurse discovered. Whether it was "a bluff" or not, he told me he is going to marry her … he filed in October 2010. She is getting divorced now … started last summer (2012) for her, I think. Sha and her former husband have a child. My few interactions with her and the contents of the 14 page letter I found in November 2011 struck me as she has some psychological issues of her own … blaming her husband because her life was not a "Harlequin romance". My own ex, with the pathological gambling problem, has never admitted to having a "problem" or being part of it … all blame is placed squarely on me for ALL problems. Anyway, I guess she will be the new source of funds and his "self-esteem".
All my bills are WAY behind. The attorney representing me withdrew once the hearing was over; refused to file a motion to clarify the decree. The house is supposed to be sold, but it is listed at the high end of the appraisal. I just learned recently that he sighned a one year sales contract with the selling agent. If the house is ever sold, both attorneys get the first cut, then there is an "equalization" due me before proceeds (if any remaining) are split between us. I have no money to go anywhere and moved 2000 miles from my relatives. My credit is now destroyed, as he refused to pay a judment due for support until garnishing kicked in on his wages … just this past summer … and the high legal fees for a hostile divorce. I’m still trying to catch up on utility payments. Our younger daughter (20) and I are facing bankruptcy … she has over $10k in school and medical fees … that are OUR (his and my) responsibility, technically, but as she was 18 when incurred, they are in her name.
Her car broke down last week. I’m so sick of repairing cars … and my brakes are starting to sound. Yesterday, I calculated I had to drive about 100 extra miles, just so that neither of us lose our picayune little jobs …
Anyway, he started harassing me after a protective order granted during the divorce expired, in June. He told our daughters he is going to get me out of the house. Less than 8 hours after expiring, I came home from work to find a "demand form" for possession and payment of "back rent" in the amount of $7000. Various texts, phone calls also ensued … and he petitioned (twice) to the divorce Court to have me thrown out … which they did not order any hearing. So he has now filed in Small Claims Court against me ($9000) … which I "think" I can have dismissed, although I need more info …. and I cannot afford any attorney … and the pro bono services never take on my case … I know too, they are swamped more than ever. I understand precisely what HE is trying to do … eliminate settlement to me and get me out of the house, no money, destroyed credit and no recent professional job history.
I’m tired of dealing with Courts. We already were divorced in 2000; I received a paltry "settlement" and our house, for example, should be nearly paid off … it is nearly at the same level as when we bought it, 16 years ago. I was forced to quit claim it to him to receive ANY funds back when, he keeps emphasizing it is HIS house, though when we refinanced it in 2009, he told our mortgage broker he wanted to put it back in both names … but he never did.
There really seems to be no point to going to the Court, if there is only going to be more lawsuits against me, til I eaither die, break down or give up and be homeless. There is no reasoning whatsoever with him … the only "agreement" is to give him his way. The last time I saw him was on the 19th … when he had just filed the Small Claims. He came here, walked right in without knocking and started demanding I get out … our oldest daughter was in the back of the house and came out, hearing the commotion. They started yelling, and it came out that he recently loaned him $50, which he spent on lottery tickets … right in front of her. He left and later returned while I was alone. I taped it, after I saw him walking around the back of the house … the nurse drove him here and as they were pulling out, he was yelling legal and other threats … the police won’t take reports, because they are always telling me it’s "civil". I tried to get an extension on the protective order; the Court refused. I also learned he added himself back to the auto policy in March of this year, after the divorce was over and a week after he was convicted of "Invasion of privacy", for violating the protective order (He is on probation, but I went to the Court later that day and he is NOT ordered to leave me alone as a condition of probation. A call to his probation officer never was returned …). Anyway, he added himself back to the car insurance (our home and auto still under both names) and I can’t "spin him off" as it would affect our daughter, whose car is in his and her name. Since I couldn’t pay his share, we lost the "pay in full" discount … he hasn’t paid a dime toward it … and the final payment for this portion will leave me short again, when it comes out next week.
I am wondering about the whole Court thing … if they looked into the records, they would see the patterns and what is and has been going on. Is there any way anyone knows of to "make them aware" and how his behavior of legal and other harassment … is just pulling me and our younger daughter, in particular, down the tubes? I have no motivation, in general, because for every positive, he is there in the background, undermining it. I would have left, gladly, two years ago … particulaly as during this divorce, the gambling was uncovered … and I have found EVIDENCE that it was a major factor going way back and affecting previous Court action … where I was seen as "the bad guy" but had no idea WHAT was going on … now I KNOW, and could even show how the Court and other professionals were in error, how I was wronged in past because of the unknown of the gambling affecting everything … but the one thing I NEED is some form of firm foundation … some stability … unless the Court KNOWS, this will just go on and on, far as I can see …
… I just can’t take too much more … still grappling with the issues … of how I had a breakdown and yet, recovered, too from PTSD … and have been stronger since … how most of the debts I have are actually related to the unlawful settlement and particularly, his previous hostile legal actions after the previous divorce … as he tried to make it impossible for me to EVER see our children … and the more recent realization that PROBABLY, he "loved me and wanted to remarry" BECAUSE of his Court actions in past … he must have received a copy of the parenting eval done (as he discharged his attorney right after; legal represeentative may receive a copy, but I had attorney, so was never allowed to see the actual report) and feared that I would be able to have the custody changed … now I am forced to watch my life be stripped of every asset from the last 20 years, other than experiences and memotries … and am lookig at, WHEN this is over, being homeless or just a step above, nearly 50 without recent professional job experience … no money, no credit … and the hostage of him and the Courts for the past 15 years, though I committed no crimes and never knew about the gambling, other than that he bought (I thought) about $20 – $30 a week in scratch and lotto tickets … which I thought too much (I’ve spent maybe $5 gambling in past ten years) … but people waste money on stupid stuff in general, and I thought it a harmless though pointless activity … but no worse than spending the same on a restaurant meal or the like … a sports ticket … I didn’t do anything WRONG, and yet, 9 months after the divorce, I’m still a hostage of someone who wants to destroy my life, credibility and all else … and Court orders based on total ignorance of what is and has been going on … and how that is merely allowing additional damage and impossible to "move forward".
Is there ANYTHING I might do?
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