Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum My Journal I’m determined to forgive myself and detest gambling

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  • #11150
    rr04e
    Participant

    First of all, it’s not my first post. A few years back, I was quite active for a few months until I crossed the line and made my first bet again. It is the same vicious cycle and it’s just the matter of time. This reminds me of “uncontrolled”statement. Everyone’s destiny in gambling world is the same. It’s just the matter of time. It’s just the matter of rate. One thing for sure is it’s all spiral down.
    Let me introduce myself again. I’m 32 yrs married guy and having one year old daughter. I’m just a few hours away from placing my last bet. I’m determined now to change and take a serious action on my recovery process. I now completely realize what my friend, Kin, once said here that i’m a CG and will always be a CG. I could only stay abstinent from gambling by doing it one day at a time.
    It’s funny to look back at my foolishness. I thought that I was doing ok despite intermittent relapse. For the past one year, after going through many crests and troughs, I felt like I could gamble as a form of entertainment and I seemed not to chase loss. It’s partly due to the fact that I was winning for certain period before giving it back. However, after experiencing loss streaks (9 times in a row!), I significantly increased the stake multiple times, causing financial devastation, misery, emotional pain and prolonged stress. I’m determined to end this madness and not to chase it anymore. I long for having a stable life and live like a normal human being.
    Here is my timeline. I started gambling back when I was 13. Being a teenager, I was introduced to card gambling by peers. With my knowledge now, I could identify right away that I was a CG even at my teenage period. I would chase the loss until my last penny. As I got to highschool, my betting frequency got intensified. I spent nearly two years of highschool focusing on card gambling and football betting. The latter has been gripping me until now. After finishing high school, I stayed abstinent for the next four years from my freshman year all the way to senior year (1998-2002). The allure of world cup 2002 seduced me to start over again my gambling experience. Since then, I continued to be gambling either continuously or intermittently until today.
    I’m being alone now, contemplating all those years I wasted and the massive amount I squandered due to gambling problem. Gambling doesn’t care who you are, the level of intelligence you possess, the family status you come from. It surely gobbles you up to the last piece if you let it continue staying with you. I’m having a good educational background, earning scholarship for my graduate study. However when it comes to gambling, there is some sort of chemical reaction in my brain which rules over my logic and the brain itself. I could easily succumb to the gambling urge and place a significant amount of bet at one go.

    I have probably blown up 250,000 usd for the past four and half years because I got even my past loss in mid 2009. Not only the amount of money but also the amount of depression period sickens me.
    I am back to square one now. I’m crying in tranquility and having eagerness to change. I love my family and my child and I won’t let this evil take control of my life. God please grant me divine power which keeps me away from future gambling.

    #11151
    kin
    Participant

    we share the same sickness, we forget too fast
    this is one reason why I return to this website n real life gambling support groups now– 8/4/2013 4:36:04 PM: post edited by kin.

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