6 April 2020 at 12:38 pm #54800Joules AdamsParticipant
Hi, let me tell you my story.
I have been a compulsive gambler for many years now on and off. It has threatened to ruin my security and marriage in the past.
I had been gambling free for 8 years but returned to it for some reason September last year. Online Roulette has always been my vice and the only game I will play. I had become anxious about the debt I had obtained generally in life,
nothing to do with gambling. This was around £30,000 and played on my mind as to how this would be paid off. I believe this is what the trigger for me returning to it.
I registered again for online accounts and started to play. I lost around £2500 first time round. Left it for a bit suffering from the depression caused but then went back on wanting to win back what I had lost.
And then I started to win. I mean every time i gambled I won. Don’t get me wrong I was gambling quite high amounts of deposits at some times but I kept winning and this made me continue to gamble every day for around
2 months straight. The figures kept getting bigger but so did the stakes, gambling with the winnings I had to get more. I thought with this lucky streak maybe I could actually pay off all my debt!
By the end of two months across 3 different sites I had won £50,000 and hadn’t lost on a session once. That is quite unbelievable but it had happened and I had banked the money.
So now I did have enough money to pay off all my debt and have quite a lot of money spare to do what I wanted with, which is what I always wanted. I decided to stop gambling and enjoy the money.
So I put £30,000 away into an account I could not access and spend some of the other money as well as have it for a rainy day. The problem is this is all in secret and away from my wife and family. I had to keep this secret as my wife would
never accept this after previous history. I was careful for 4 months, it was all good and bought a number of things, helped with bills, christmas, shopping. I was able to not gamble and feel happy with this.
I thought about putting the other £30,000 on stocks to double it during this time of uncertainty, seeing bargains to be had here in the stock market. I didn’t quite have the balls to do that, I should have, I was hovering over the buy button and
subsequently that stock tripled, but I hadn’t bought. That upset me.
However, my spare cash from my winnings had now gone down to a figure where I thought I should top it up otherwise it would go soon, so guess what, I went back to the sites. I won again and kept winning and racked up another £4,000.
But then I lost a small amount on a session, £200 – but my limit had been set automatically by the site as I was seen to be depositing too much. My other sites had closed as well or asking for clarification of funds as I as winning too much.
I opened another site and gambled trying to recover my small loss but that did not go well. I lost £8,500 and I was truly gutted. This was the end of my lucky streak and I was really upset about losing the money I had as a buffer and for once happy
some spare funds.
This is hard for me to get over in the last week or so, beating myself up about why I had to go and lose this and not just be content. I guess that is a compulsive gambler!
Anyway, I did actually pay off all my debt with the remaining funds I had – £35,000 – all from winnings – as I thought I would end up losing this.
Now I am debt free, but don’t have any more spare money. I should be happy, this was my initial goal which was really inconceivable and it happened.
I try to think that what was the purpose of the money? I couldn’t spend it as it was secret away from my wife – bad money. Why would I have this cash – would it come out anyway? So maybe it is for the best and I can now just stop.
This is a success story isn’t it? I should be happy – i’m trying to be, but I feel down about the losses. Maybe that was inevitable to go back and lose the extra cash, wanting more. I can see that but trying to accept it and don’t want to compound any
more losses by going back.
So I am asking your thoughts on this. What should I do? How should I feel? What to do in the future? I think I should just stop, but can I? Please give me advice and how to go on.
6 April 2020 at 12:49 pm #54801duncParticipant
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
6 April 2020 at 1:15 pm #54802joerdjParticipant
This was an intresting read. While the only advice I can give you is quit while you are ahead. I see you won alot of money and with that payed of your debt, which is perfect. But dont think of gambling as a way of making money. The house edge is always against you ( even if you had a huge streak) and It only takes one binge to lose it all. Furtermore I saw that your wrote: “I have been a compulsive gambler for many years now on and off”
People are CG for life, not on and off.
I’am fine now as long as I dont place a bet, but this will be a problem for the rest of my life, because one bet is all it takes to go back at self-destruction.
Anyhow, if you feel you can control yourself and just not gamble that is fine, otherwise: Money, Time and Accces are the thing you should think about. For the thing I have done you can check out my journal.
Anyhow, keep posting this site and the people here can really help you .
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