Tagged: I’m a worthless piece of trash
25 January 2023 at 10:23 am #170118
Finally had the courage to say I need help ….
Almost 40 years of my life, all I do is gamble. My brain is consume with the best bet
I hate myself
I’m disgusted at myself
If I don’t have 2 kids, my wife would be gone by now. This is the 2nd chance she’s giving me. I don’t deserve my wife and my kids
I deleted everything on my phone including social media. I need to make back for loss time with my kids and wife.
The devil inside of me is so bad. I owe so many people money. My wife hates my guts now but because of my kids, last chance. I relapse one more time, I’ll be in the coffin cause I’m sick of this life.
Thank you for listening. May god have mercy on me. Please don’t let me gamble again. I must have been an evil person past life to have this life. I hate myself
- This topic was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by zoya.
25 January 2023 at 10:26 am #170125zoyaModerator
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
26 January 2023 at 10:42 am #170143
Day 2 of no gambling. Feels. Good. Spending more time with my kids
The struggle is real
26 January 2023 at 2:36 pm #170194
Day 3. No gambling
No urge to want to gamble.
Can’t even look at myself in the mirror
Can’t look at my wife or kids
Can’t even say sorry to my wife cuz I know that won’t be enough. I’ll just let my action do the talking. My wife hates me but at least she’s giving me another chance
I got a great life and don’t appreciate it
40 years of disappointment
I Dont even deserve my wife and kids.
26 January 2023 at 7:43 pm #170213charlesModerator
Hi and well done on looking for help.
As you say, words aren’t enough, sounds like your wife will have heard them all before anyway, I know my family had.
It reeally is actios that count. The actions that will help you stop gambling are the same actions that might help rebuild that trust. Actions like posting here regularly, maybe getting to your local Gamblers Anonymous meeting if one is near. Deleting everythign on your phone is a positive move; a better one would be to ask your usual sites to ban you and then install a blocker to prevent you signing up at others. Accountability and limiting your easy access to funds with which to gamvel also helps. The accountability will mean you can’t gambvel secretly, your wife will both see you aren’t gambling, which can help with the trust, and also have the peace of mind that you aren’t out there digging another hole.
Show her this site as well – she can get her own support in the Friends and Family Forum.
Keep posting and let us know what positve actions you are taking.
27 January 2023 at 1:00 am #170229
Thank you Charles. I really appreciate those kind words
I banned myself on all accounts now. I messaged them and told them to close all acccount and to not let me reopen if I ever message them
I might just write a journal on this website until the day I die. It helps me a lot.
I’m thankful for this site.
27 January 2023 at 5:41 pm #170259
Another good day
Busy working. No time to think of gambling.
I need to keep myself busy
No more now and forever.
Hopefully god give me another chance so I can turn my life around to make my wife and family proud. I don’t think my wife realizes how much I love her. It’s just the demon inside of me was so strong. It took over everything. It’s like when I gamble, I can’t see anything else. I hope one day she can forgive me. I’m lucky she hasn’t took off yet. I don’t even deserve her. I still can’t look at it. Her eyes shows nothing but disappointment in me. What a terrible husband and father I am. If there is a next life. I don’t want to be a human being again.
40 years wasted. ugh
28 January 2023 at 11:02 am #170296Dark EnergyParticipant
make her part of your recovery, and hand over the financial part to her, it is a huge trigger for us as a gambler if you can do that it will benefit you in both ways, regain the trust, 2nd you will have fewer urges to gamble, and from her perspective, she will feel more secure.
you can ask your salary to be transferred to her account or to a joint account, so she can monitor the transactions, or give her full control which is better at least for the first 6 months to 1 year.
28 January 2023 at 4:40 pm #170314
Hi dark energy
Thank you for stopping by
I shut down my bank. Every single dime goes into our joint account now
The good thing is even if I want to gamble. I have no bank account. Thank god. Wish I did this a long time ago.
It’s hard for me to smile lately because of our much money I lost and how I lost the trust of my wife and family.
I have so much guilt. Hate towards myself
The Amount of money I lost is life changing
40 years wasted. My family has a gambling addiction genes I have to monitor my son as he gets older. I’m not going to let him go down the same path as me. There will be zero gambling talk or anything related to gambling when he gets to that age.
4 February 2023 at 2:49 am #170594
I hate myself.
I find no joy
6 February 2023 at 1:49 pm #170666velvetModerator
Maybe its time to find some love for yourself and reintroduce joy to your life. Self-loathing will change nothing but acceptance and a determination, to take back control of your life, can change everything.
Look at yourself in the mirror and see the man your wife fell in love with, the man you want to be. He is still there but he is lost. Give him some credit for trying and tell him, from me, a non-gambler, that I know he can learn to control the demons in his head. If it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be here, writing to you.
The Friends and Family groups are facilitated by me on Tuesday and Thursday evenings 7pm – 8pm. Your wife would be welcome and understood, as you are here. It took many wasted years to find the support I needed but once I looked in the right place, I learned to support myself and thus the gambler in my life. Our lives are healthy, happy and gamble-free so I know you can do it.
I will follow your progress and look forward to the day that you look back on your journal and rejoice at how far you have come.
10 February 2023 at 6:31 pm #171438MajikatParticipant
Your story and mine is almost same but i lost my 3rd chance. She wants leave me with kids. İ feel terrible
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