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  • #5148
    mabel
    Participant

    9 months ago I met the love of my life, my soulmate (I know, sounds totally corny!). I loaned him £6000 in August to ‘help set up his new business’. His house had just sold and I would get my money back a week later. I still don’t have my money and last night he confessed that he is a CG. I actually felt my legs give way, I cannot describe the shock, but I’m guessing many of you reading this will know what I’m talking about. He’s been attending GA/CBT for 2 months now. I am so torn about whether to stay and support or walk away while I can. We were planning to move in together in the new year but now I’m so confused and really can’t think straight. He’s told so many lies I do’t know where I am, trust has been blown out of the water. I’m a single mum of 3 ‘kids’ and the timing of all this just before Christmas is heartbreaking . . . .both on a personal and financial level.

    #5149
    velvet
    Moderator

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    Hello Mabel

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    #5150
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Mabel
    It doesn’t sound corny and maybe your new love is going to be your soul-mate but it might be that you have thrown too much into your relationship too quickly. I cannot tell you what to do but I would suggest a period of time in which to reflect on what has happened and to learn about compulsive gambling because knowledge of your boyfriend’s addiction will help you cope and enable you to make the right decisions for you and your three children who depend on your protection.
    I cannot tell you to stay or to walk away because all decisions must be yours. Personally, if it was me I would not move in with your boyfriend while he is trying to control his addiction. A CG needs to give his whole heart and mind over to controlling his addiction if he wants to change his life and live gamble-free – which means he must be selfish and look after himself first. Taking on the responsibility of a girlfriend and her children is difficult at the best of times but this does not seem to be to be the time for him to be making such a commitment. He will not be in a position to trust himself for a long time.
    I suggest you keep posting and learn about the addiction because knowledge will give you power over it. While you are not ‘thinking straight’ give your energies over to giving your children the best Christmas they can have with limited finances. It is not uncommon for monies lost to a gambling addiction never to be seen again so maybe it is best that you believe it to be gone forever and put losing it down to an experience to avoid in the future.
    I hope you can encourage him to keep attending GA and getting CBT whilst perhaps holding back a little on the pace of the relationship. It will be great for for him to know you are supporting him – controlling the addiction takes great courage and I wish him well.
    I would not be writing to you if I did not know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result. Turning bad experiences into good is educational for all of us.
    Speak soon
    Velvet

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