5 December 2015 at 12:03 am #4445Berto08Participant
Being honest about the extent of my gambling addiction
Hi there, Hopeful of some guidance, courage, inspiration. I have been a gambler for 20+ years. 1st marriage ended in divorce, 2 children from that marriage. Remarried 5 years ago (10 year relationship), 2 children in my current marriage. My gambling over last 3 years in particular has intensified dramatically. I confessed my issues long ago to family and current wife…kept happening, didn’t really want to stop. Then I hit the wall – Rehab 12 months ago, admitted my dependence on gambling, my addiction. However, I didn’t cross the line 100%….kept the level of debt a secret because of the fear of loss of my current wife/kids. Thought I could control the debt and pay it back. Trouble was and still is, I gave my wife control of the finances which then made it hard for me to clear the debts…the lifestyle remained, I hadn’t broken the chain. I had to manoeuvre , continue the lies, manipulation of others, secret accounts ETC to try and cover it up. My recovery was completely floored. The debt has quadrupled. I am tired of this life and although I have all the tools from rehab and continue to go to GA twice a week – I feel trapped. This week I have realised so much more about the cycle of this addiction. I honestly believe if I confront it and tell my wife the whole truth – that is my way out. However my addiction is fuelled by the guilt of me not having the courage to do this. I have the fear that she will leave me and the kids will be gone…another train wreck family that I have created. I am finding this difficult to overcome. I know I should concern myself with the serenity prayer…I can’t control everything. That should be my motto. My conscience is killing me, I am just so scared of crossing the line to the other side.
I am hopeful of gaining some insight from those that have been on the other side as the wife or partner of a compliance gambler. Essentially trying to put myself out there and learn as much as I can so I can confront my current situation.
I look forward to any insight that the community my be able to share.
Thanks, Berto087 December 2015 at 12:20 pm #4446velvetModerator
I don’t want to leave Berto’s thread lying in limbo. I have replied to him in ‘My Journal’ where has now posted that his wife is aware – this is my reply to him.
I am so pleased that your wife is now fully aware of the problem that you have. It is so important, I think, that she now has the support to recover her own self-esteem and confidence which I know will have been severely dented.
The reason I struggled for 25 years Berto was because I am a private person who believed that love would conquer all if I just hung in long enough – for 23 years I told nobody what was going on in my life, so I understand your wife’s feelings and I do hope she will join me tomorrow evening.
The addiction makes fools of us all – we know we are intelligent and yet we have not seen something destroying us right under our noses. I am sure you would have been aware long before your wife could possibly have known, that your addiction was active and dangerous but your pride would have done everything it could to hide your shame from your wife. The fact that there is nothing to be ashamed about in having this addiction is something we all have to learn I think.
I am delighted for you that she is standing by you but I do know there will be ups and downs and that her recovery will be difficult too. I always internalised far too much (probably still do) but of course in doing so we run the risk of hearing only our own thoughts going round and round, bouncing off the walls of our minds, with no answers that make sense.
I know you can not only just lead a better life, you can lead a life that is very special as a result of controlling this addiction – keep posting, stay close to your support – I wish you well.
Velvet7 December 2015 at 2:26 pm #4447Berto08Participant
Thanks Velvet, will let this thread go idle I think. I will just keep posting on the my journal thread.
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