Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum My Journal it feels like im living in ****

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    Hi all,
    Iv just spent the last hour reading alot of stories on here which I can very much relate to. I have spent so much money its untrue. I could have probably bought a house with all of the money that I have spent. I gamble most days online slots, bingo halls, even scratch cards. I feel so ashamed of myself and guilty about the money I am taking from the family – my husband and 4 year old son. I lie on a regular basis and am deceitful. I feel like Jekyll and Hyde because I try and convince myself that I am good, honest, decent human being but behind it all im nothing but a deceitful, dishonest liar. I have had this problem for many years now and my husband was aware of it at one point and almost left me because I was stealing the families money. He said that he couldnt cope if it happened again and he stood by me. But this time I havent got the nerve to tell him, I couldnt, the consequences of my actions are far too great. Im so selfish I hate myself for not giving him the choice. Im too afraid. I cant speak to anyone else I borrow money secretly from my mum and if she found out she would never speak to me again.
    I feel so sad. I lost my job couple of months ago due to redundancy I wasnt there long enough to get any kind of pay out and i am due to start a job at the end of jan. But I have been spending all the little money coming in on gambling and lying to my husband saying that I had not received any payments. I am taking from my child and husband!!! Im an awful human being. Im too much of a coward to kill myself and Iv thought about it many times. Im minus £150 in my overdraft and although that doesnt sound too bad i spent hundreds over these past few months and watched my family struggle. My husband works hard and I have been sat at home spending his hard earned cash and trying to cover it up saying I had bought things with it and then having to borrow off my mum.
    Im pathetic and weak. The funny thing is about this situation is that im a qualified substance misuse worker and used to help others overcome their drug and alcohol addictions. If only they knew their mentor was in a state worse than themselves, they wouldnt be very happy knowing that I had been preaching to them, talk about being a hypocrite!!
    Anyway sorry for the rant, it was nice to get it off my chest a little.
    Thanks guys and good luck on your journiesLife is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans


    Hi Jodylovescon,
     Thank you for posting on the Gambling Therapy forum.  As you are a GB resident you are entitled to free online support through the Gamcare website at
    Can I suggest that you now copy and paste your post into one of the Gamcare forums where you will receive responses from others in a similar situation to you from all over the GB.
     We wish you well in your recovery.
    The Gambling Therapy Team

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