16 August 2012 at 8:52 am #12169redoitParticipant
Good day everyone. Well, after years of telling myself I could control my addiction and only play small amounts of money, I am finally seeking help for the most troubling problem in my life. I am a recovering alcoholic, a former smoker, and of course have used soft drugs in the past. I have received help for these addictions but was never willing to admit that I should attack the root of all of these problems. That of course is my addiction to gambling.
I have medicated myself with alcohol and drugs to try and get over the fact that I lie to everyone and purposely stay away from forming meaningful relationships with friends because I know my gambling will only lead to disappointing them and having to suffer the humiliation of losing another person in my life.
I have gambled away tens of thousands of dollars and created a financial wasteland. The worst part is the loss of time, that I have spent in misery but always put on a face that I was happy. I hurt the most important people in my life and lied to them countless numbers of times. I would even find that sometimes I would envy other addicts that didn’t have a family or came from a family of gamblers, because then there would be less guilt. Wow, that is shocking for even me to reread.
But thankfully I still have my family in my corner and an amazing common law wife that has stayed with me for 6 years. Lord knows the girl deserves a medal for having to put up with my addictions, and it has been a rocky path. Another blessing is the job that I fell into that earns me the ability to get back on track financially. My wife has control of all of my finances, I do not even know the PIN numbers to my debit card. It is rewarding to see debts being paid and us able to travel. I have blown many opportunities and my second attempt at an education has taken longer. But at least I am finally on the right path. Of course I have tried to screw it up by taking out payday loans, etc but have had to admit the truth and been dealt another blow to redemption.
I have had enough of the lying and pain and want to put this garbage behind me before I blow another 15 years. Life without gambling is so much better. I am sick of the addiction begging me to cave in all of the time. I wish it were an alarm clock I could just shut off and hear alot less. I look forward to the day I can control my finances and not feel the need to gamble and destroy myself.
I am happy to be joining your forum and look forward to communicating with and healing each other.5 May 2013 at 9:25 pm #12170nevaParticipant
Congratulations on buying your new home! I’m very excited for you. Gambling robs of us so many things but it’s still so hard to stop. Handing your finances over to your wife is perfect. I know barriers are what has been a tremendous help for me. Don’t even plan to be in control of your finances again because your wife is doing an excellent job and it’s working for you. Why mess with something that works?
Have you moved into your house yet? Did you get an excellent interest rate? Good things are happening. yahoo6 May 2013 at 6:25 pm #12171redoitParticipant
You are right neva, why mess with what works? I plan to leave her in control of finances until we both decide (and counsellors) that it is a good first step!
In regards to the house, it is still being built, and we should be in it by the end of July! It has an unfinished basement, so I will have many projects over the next few months. We were lucky to time it right and get a 3% interest rate, so that makes us very happy. We are also moving out of the city which is advantageous that vlt’s aren’t practically on every street corner. All is good on that front!7 May 2013 at 2:13 am #12172nevaParticipant
I have a 3% interest rate too. If we had kept gambling, we would have missed that opportunity of such a low interest rate. A friend from work had an appointment with the bank for a construction loan and the interest rate was 6.2% and then she’d do a new finance after they finished. Yes, we are the lucky ones…not gambling lucky but stop gambling in time lucky. Hope you keep posting on the house progress. We should be finished in a couple of weeks. It’s been a long process for us.
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