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    • #44424
      Flit107
      Participant

      Hi, im addicted to online gambling..

      I need some help and support from people who have been through similiar to me. I dont really know where to start, everytime there is money in my bank im spending it online on slots mainly and then borrowing to make up for it and spending that too.. i have a partner who doesnt know the extent i go to, but hes found out on a few occasions now .. the last time was on saturday and i promised i wouldnt do it again and i have done today,spent all the money in the bank that was for me and our 3 children to survive off and then borrowed some of it of a friend and done it again .. hes going to leave me when he finds out (which he will tomorrow when direct debits bounce) and i dont know what to do i need to stop its not fun anymore its got to the point where even if i win i spend it all and then try chase my losses again.. after reading some of the other posts on here ive realised that my depression may be back stronger than ever, ive thought about taking my own life so many times this week especially, but i know it will pass with the right support, my partner doesnt support me really he just tells me ive got the power to stop and i need to control it but i cant im so weak at the minute and a shadow of the woman i used to be. I think my first step is to go to the doctor tomorrow and get myself some help for depression.

    • #44425
      charles
      Moderator

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #44426
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Flit,

      well done on your realisation of the problem and on looking for help.

      If you have been reading the other stories here you will have seen that you can stop gambling. there is a lot of life after gambling stops. You will also have seen the sort of things that haved helped others stop – things like getting blockers to prevent online gambling, financial barriers as well so we don’t have the unlimited, unaccountable access to gambling funds that allows us to act on an urge.

      There is also a lot of support avaialble to you – here and other sites, places like Gamblers Anonymous, counselling, even residential support.

      If you think your partner will be leaving you tomorrow then I would say the best thing to do would be to tell him today. That way he won’t just be discovering the problem, again, this time you can show him this site, already have found the address of your local GA meeting, be making arrangements for your wages to go into his account, that sort of thing. In short, whilst there are no guarantees, it will be better to present the solution to the problem, not just the problem.

      Whatever happens with your partner though, you will still be a compulsive gambler. You can choose to now make your next bet tyhough, one day at a time, and take the actions that will make that more likely.

      Keep posting and check out the group schedule as well, hopefully see you in one of them soon.

    • #44427
      Flit107
      Participant

      Thankyou so much for replying, i genuinely do not think i can tell him, im so ashamed and scared of the consequences. He doesnt understand my issues because when gambling got too much for him ( mainly roulette so slightly different) he only took what he wanted to spend to the shop and set a limit in his head of what he would withdraw .. these steps do not work for me which is what he doesnt understand .. i will carry on reading posts on here and i will look up when my nearest GA meeting is and close my accounts,i feel alot better knowing other people have been through this/going through this and have a better quality of life now and have managed to overcome it, i know there are going to be hurdles along the way but as long as i have some kind of support i can get through this.

    • #44429
      Flit107
      Participant

      I told my partner on Monday night everything including ny debts, he of course went mental, then on Tuesday he sought the advice of his brother and came to the conclusion that we could get through this together, hes took full control of all the money coming into the household, but its my second day of not gambling, taking it one day at a time 🙂 My advice to anyone who is scared what their s.o will say or do once they find out about the gambling and the lies and deciet that go with this horrible addiction is – just be brave tell them the truth before it gets even more out of hand if they truly love you and are willing to support you then they will stick by you and help you through this horrible time and if they do walk out on you then atleast you can hold your head up high that you have admitted your faults and got everything out in the open. I will carry on posting updates to help myself on my journey to recovery.

    • #44430
      charles
      Moderator

      Well done Flit, keep posting.

    • #44431
      finding_laura
      Participant

      What you have done, telling your partner takes a lot of courage. I’m glad your partner is going to take over the finances. You will still feel like gambling likely over the next little while. But now you will be unable to. If you think you will be tempted to borrow money from your friend again to gamble with I would tell her that you can no longer borrow money. I”m sure you can come up with a good reason. Like maybe you are giving husband your money to pay your your bills for you as you have a hard time budgeting and you won’t be able to pay her back if she lends you more. Stay strong Flit. You are not alone in this. Now any thoughts about what you will do to fill your time or destress?

      Laura

    • #44432
      i-did-it
      Participant

      HI Flit,
      Well done on seeking help. This is a horrible illness which takes over our lives .
      It is helpful that you trusted your husband enough to confide in him – your relationship will be all the stronger after this. Most people find this really difficult to do so really well done .

      You are doing all the right things and you fell will get better quite fast actually. The brain begins to feel a little more normal and you can relax a little .
      Hope to read more of your progress

      Onwards and upwards

    • #44433
      Flit107
      Participant

      So I totally messed up spent loads of money that wasn’t mine ( was meant to be for bills/food etc) ever since i last posted eveytime i got money in my bank (twice a week) told my partner time and time again and promised I wouldn’t do it again that I was going to send any money to him lied to him over and over ..and then two days ago I blew £50 and then as I was doing my last spins something in my head just clicked – I didn’t want to be this person anymore, this isn’t me – the person who I have become I do not recognize anymore and I knew that I did not want to do it anymore I’m better than this and I will not let something like this ruin my life/my family/ my future so I came off the site and as soon as my partner came home from work I told him what I had done ( like I have done A LOT over the last few weeks) but this time I am serious I am done with gambling full stop. I told him that if he gives me this one last chance I will prove it to him, I CAN do this and I will .. I self excluded/deleted my accounts on every site I am registered to and then found a site named Gamstop and signed up to that aswell just to be sure .. I thought before that I could maybe just limit myself and have fun gambling which is how I fell back into the cycle of spending too much money ect , but now I realise I cannot do that I can’t just go on a site and play a bit of bingo or a slot and loose my money because then if I loose I will just deposit more and more and if I ‘win’ I play all the winnings and then deposit more. There’s only one winner and its certainly not me! .. 2 days completely gamble free 🙂 !!!

    • #44434
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Flit, well done on self excluding and on using Gamstop.

      More accounjtability could also help. How can you limit the amount of money you have access to? If you need that money twice a week to get the shopping then maybe get a delivery and order everything online? Less needed then.

      Rather than giving you money twice a week then maybe you could just get the money you need as you need it. Then it won’t be burning a hole in your pocket.

      The actions that make you less able to gamble are the same actions which might help rebuild trust etc.

      Keep posting.

    • #44435
      Flit107
      Participant

      Yes he’s done that and I for the first time in a long time yesterday went to the cash machine and drew out all the money in the account and it felt good .. Its not been as hard as I thought it would be to stop gambling, I think it’s because I am ready this time ..

    • #44436
      CornishLass
      Participant

      Hi Flit, hope going well. I’ve not involved my partner yet, it’s the third time I’ve gone down this road in terms of seriousness of consequences and I just don’t have the heart to involve him yet again. Like you though I finally feel ready to be gamble free so crossing fingers for us both.

    • #44437
      Flit107
      Participant

      I am doing well thankyou, the best thing is to be open and honest to your partner and show your serious self exclude or close all accounts or keep all money with them ( not sure what your problem is regarding online, in shop etc) .. if he is supporting and your meant to be together he will stick by you through this and if he does wall out you know that he is not the one for you, you can get through this but you need support it’ the only way .. talk to me anytime and let me know what you decide to do 🙂

    • #44438
      CornishLass
      Participant

      Am pleased for you that sharing helped. Think am going to keep quiet for a bit. Perhaps need to show myself that mean business this time. Have put as many blocks in place as poss – online slots is / was main problem. Still kind of reeling with reality of last losses, madness, – no point in dwelling on past so whilst head is in sand, chin is up. Slightly wobbly mind you 🙂

    • #44439
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Flit, so glad to hear that something has finally clicked for you! Sorry so late in responding, I was away from home and due to circumstances was away from this site for a week.

      That was when my recovery finally started. When something clicked and I realized I didn’t want to be the person wasting their life away gambling. I would dream of winning money so I could gamble all day without consequences. I finally realized that wasn’t who I wanted to be. Someone who’s whole life was wasted gambling and even just thinking all the time about gambling. I had to confess to my partner and put blocks in place. He would stay or he would go but either way I had to get help for my problem. That was 9 years ago. We are still together. I did unfortunately get complacent after 5 and a half years clean and returned to gambling. Nothing had changed. I still lost all my money I had access to. Thankfully I involved my hubby in the finances again and I reconnected with this site. I am nearly a year clean again. You can do this. Your life can be filled with much better things. It can have meaning. Keep posting! You give hope to others and at the same time you need continued support. There will be good days and bad. Mood swings in the beginning are to be expected. But you will get through them. Glad to read your updates. Take care,
      Laura

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