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    • #3088
      jenny46
      Participant

      Hello

    • #3089
      jenny46
      Participant

      I really hope that this time I will succeed in getting me out there, having only just realised how to do a reply I am now struggling with how to start a new thread.

      Since the last time I posted, the one when I was never going back !! I did go back and back again and each time it was a little worse than the time before. Each time there was a little bit less there than the time before. Each time I questioned myself again and again.

      I love him, I kidded myself, I fooled myself, into thinking that I was just numb with the pain of all the things that happened which were related to the addiction but yes I still loved him.

      I was determined to cross the void that grew ever wider between us. I believed that it would be possible and that when that numbness went away then that would be the day that the void would be crossed.

      I really couldn’t stand him to be with me physically in any way shape or form the whole idea just repulsed me. Harsh, but that is the only way I can describe how it was.

      I can’t say I blamed myself but I had the beginning of a need to try and understand that why when he was recovering could I not begin to trust and meet him across that void at least part way to the middle.

      Small niggley things were in my mind, small things but increasingly more small things were beginning to add up to bigger things and deep down I knew there was no recovery just better lies and better cover ups. The addiction was back just wearing different clothes – it was wearing the cloak of recovery.

      There were so many things that were going on at the same time in my life and I bumbled around being everything to everyone until I was just so worn out, something had to go. Flitting in between limbo land and having a strong sense that things were not good for me within our relaitionship gave me a feeling of total confusion. Things were not actually good except for short moments very much of the time. I struggled to accept that I could not have what I wanted within that relaitionship.

      Slowly I started to do things which I had to force myself to do and often still do ( I am talking over years now not weeks) through boredom, through bloody mindedness and through the need to recognise some sort of order and normality in what felt like a mush of the strangest circumstances ever.

      Time goes on, more mayhem came with it, everything seemed like lunacy and all the time something deep within in me was screaming – you can stop all of this today if you like.

      I didn’t listen but I heard that voice getting louder and louder and still I didn’t act, but by that time my foot was in the water and the water felt good. My head was still in a bucket of something more smelly.

      I had turmoils with my boys and went through a particularly bad stage of failing or feeling like I had failed them, That hurt. On that realisation and not really knowing what to do with all the stuff in my head. I stood still, I sat still and couldn’t for a while physically cope although my mind was working over time.

      Day by day and month to month I just stopped, taking the bait, answering the needy phone calls and irritating texts, jumping on the majority of hooks. I stopped coming here, I stopped doing everything I really didn’t have to do. I didn’t drink or smoke, I didn’t go out – I did nothing except think.

      Somewhere in all of that ‘ brakes on I can no longer do this anymore thought process’ came a calmness and a realisation that I didn’t want to do the ‘this ‘ any more which was why I was no longer doing it.

      I have fought a few battles in my time and have been ‘battle weary’ The biggest battle I have ever fought is the one I fought with myself. The one I let happen between my head and my gut was the biggest, my heart was stuck in the middle and I pulled it around all over the place.

      Somewhere in all of that a change took place and I realised a few things. I was not a numb person devoid of feelings I just no longer loved my partner, complicated but sounds simple. Or is that the other way around.

      In the middle of all of this I worked on a few goals, small things that have made massive differences. I rehashed my finances, I finished my degree, I trained in end of life care and completed my registered care managers award in the space of about 2 years. I went flat out at work purely as a distraction but I was able to retain the enjoyment of my achievements although I resented doing the work and it was a major effort.

      At the same time I more or less finished my house and finally felt within me a sturdy foundation which couldn’t be shaken by the influence of addiction or at least not much.

      My focus was then able to shift properly on to the needs of my children so I concentrated on that. It is not meant to sound like they came second or third but to put them first and do them justice my own platform needed to be sturdy. I gave that miserable head master the evil eye and gave him the roughest ride I could think of and then I opened my eyes and my ears and sat and listened and then I acted – quietly and with the sense of that realisation and calmness that I feel blessed to have in my life.

      I no longer have to force myself to go out since I have sat in the company of good friends and realised that not everybody wants something from me that I don’t want to give. I realised again that I wasn’t numb I was just normal.

      The draining I felt from my partner was still unbelievable, it started when his name flashed up on my phone or I read an adolescent text or when I thought about a visit to say nothing of the time we spent together. Part of me was pleased to see him the other 7 8ths was relieved when he went. It was a case of ‘what now’ what new drama are you going to expect me to have in my life this time, can you really think of another new lie or false promise. Enough, we rowed we argued etc etc

      No One will ever speak to me like that again and I lowered myself to the same level. I have walked away for my own sanity and the strongest commitment that I have made to him and myself is that I will never look back on this relationship. Every conversation I had with him only served me to question myself and what life I have built for myself. I have made a ‘ too difficult box and placed him in it ‘ he is now amongst the ironing and the decisions that are just too difficult to think about today. There are stacks of things in my too difficult box but interestingly the ironing is the only thing that has ever come out.

      So as for me now. I go to work, I look after the boys ( and the three girls they have with them arrghh !! ) I potter around the house straining to do what I have to do to keep it right. I pay my bills, speak to friends and go out when I want to, stay in and wallow when I want to and that will do for me !! at least for now.

      i remember saying to my partner that I believed that his addiction had done a lot for me in making me a stronger person in a warped way too which he replied. I’m glad its done something for you as it hasn’t done much for me !! I guess we all will learn our own lessons in life.

      I am looking ahead considering a career change now my boys are older but that is three years away so for now I am just happy to sit, to stay as I am. Must be the longest post I have ever written and will stay true to myself and I will not look back again, not for me.

      I am just happy to let it be

      Jenny x

    • #3090
      monique
      Participant

      I am so glad you have written your own post. I have been following your brilliant replies to other members in recent days. You have such experience and wisdom to share. Thank you for your inspiration and all good wishes now and always.

      Monique

    • #3091
      ell
      Participant

      i just read your new thread jenny . I missed you ! Im so happy you wrote again. For your post i olny can see a very strong woman. Sometimes i can feel that is difficult to be strong but your wisdom and your calmness give you the weapen again to stand up . I feel so good inside me when im reading that now you feel happy . Im learning from you and from your story . You are building a very good life now jenny . Stay strong with peace jenny and someday we will reach the point o totally freedom / I know that that time will come .
      All my best wishes my dear to you and your fantastic children
      with all my love ell.

    • #3092
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Jenny,
      Great to read an update, it is incredible what a complete turnaround can be made once with pure desire.
      Going back and forth in any unhealthy relationship is often common until it becomes old, and when the truth of the matter can’t be denied. It is a process and in the end you somehow get untangled by the lies and manipulation and you get out.
      So happy to read that you have completed your degree and that you are working in a career that you have had your mind on for a while. I believe love what you do and you will never work another day in your life 🙂
      Your boys are certainly growing up and now with girlfriends, wow. They must be good boys which is no surprise you being their mum. Just keep enjoying them as you know time just keeps on ticking even when we want it to stop. My oldest is 12 and has boyfriends per say, but I know that will change in the next years. I think I will not look ahead on that right now.
      It is better we had become stronger, as you wrote, though in a warped way, than the opposite and became weaker by the addiction. Just as the addict didn’t ask for the addiction, we didn’t ask for the backlash either. However, the important part was that we sought recovery, and that is what made all the difference. It was ourselves that got ourselves out of the addiction’s hold and the misery it inflicted on us.
      I wish you the best Jenny for the New Year and keep going after your dreams. I believe then we will live our fullest lives.
      Love, Twilight

    • #3093
      jenny46
      Participant

      Monique, Ell, Twilight

      Thank you for your replies. Twilight I love to see you pop up now and again, you have played a big part in my journey and always seem to know when to appear. Your ability to cut through the smokescreens is quite amazing.

      Today I am veging around trying to hear what is going on up stairs. My old detective skills are about to be re born for a different purpose. What are they doing up there !!!!

      Love to all of you

      Jenny x

    • #3094
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Jenny,
      We both are on the site at the very same moment…how cool is that? A big hello to a dear friend who was never afraid to give her honest opinions, thank YOU.
      Thank you for your kind words and I appreciated them, making me see the real deal at times. I do visit the site often, sometimes I post and sometimes I just hold back as I feel that I can be too bold and I am not one to really sugar coat. But I understand that recovery is a process and often takes time, we often have to go back and forth as you wrote and I also did the same many times.
      The important part is to start one’s own recovery and stick with it. Taking the little scary steps and just not being afraid of change.
      To answer your question, I actually was running, about three miles every other day. I loved it but then I pulled my hamstring and now my heel is bothering me. But I am stretching and walking but running is my goal again. The feeling afterwards is so liberating…
      I see group is tomorrow but it is Christmas Eve, so I am not sure if I will be able to make it as I am going to my in-laws.

      MERRY CHRISTMAS JENNY!

    • #3095
      Neecy
      Participant

      Hi Jenny
      Awed to read your post, so full of strength while at minute I feel so incredibly week. I only hope one day I will get to the place you are.
      With love and gratitude for your honesty
      Neecy xxx

    • #3096
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Jenny
      I hope those boys were behaving themselves upstairs – Detective Jenny is a formidable force.
      You may have noticed that I have not jumped on your thread – nay I am positive you will have noticed but I am also sure that you will know that I have been watching, just as I noticed when you stopped writing.
      I could never judge as you know – the piece of elastic you were attached to was far too familiar! It is extremely hard to get yourself into a position where you can cut yourself completely free and there is no shame in believing you have done it only to find yourself being pulled back again.
      The addiction doesn’t burst into a life with a fanfare – it works subtly, gradually demoralising its victim over years and yet one hopes, expects even, that recovery will be easy. You have been a fantastic supporter all through your attempts to find your own recovery – it is a method I recognise and sometimes I knew you were using it, sometimes I wasn’t sure.
      I feel you have chopped through the bungee rope that was pinging you back and forth – there is strength in your words and in your support for others that is far stronger but please look after yourself first. These are not idle words – having you here supporting as you do is amazing but always, always take support too.
      Unfortunately in our site transition, the posts on the Topic forum disappeared. It is still hoped they can be re-found. My favourite was always the ‘Wounded Healer’- it was the one that made me stop and think the most (about myself too) and I think it is great that one post that has transferred well was written by you in August 2012 – it is annoying that asterisks blot out words such as ‘needs’.
      The addiction to gamble can ruin your life or you can use it as the greatest experience you will ever have. I know you can be healed from the wounds it inflicts but they are deep and they do seep and can re-open many times before they can be declared healthy and free of re-infection. I have re-read your post in the Topic Forum a few times and knowing now that it was written by a person whose wounds were open, I want you to know that I am here for you and that in a group you can be totally open – I can’t believe I am saying that to you but I hope you will take it in the spirit with which it is meant – I know you will tell me if you have any problem with my words.
      I am absolutely delighted you are supporting others but please allow me and others to support you.
      Next group is January 1st a New Year and new hope. Let’s make it a good one
      V

    • #3097
      jenny46
      Participant

      I have no problem with any of your words, I am more put off by the thought of you jumping on me !

      When I first read your reply I was tempted to have a look at that post but have decided not to, neither will I read again anything else I have written at least not soon.

      I do not see myself as being out of the woods and for me to look back to far I believe at the moment would be to my own detriment. I do not want to find myself in a situation where I begin to look at what could have happened differently, what I could have done differently, what I would do differently, if I gave it just another go – are you with me.

      For me to do that would be the start of bad news to come. I cannot allow myself entry to the ‘what could have been route’. I think what I need to do is carry on going. I made a promise to myself and his lordship that I will not look back on this relaitionship and I will stick to it unless I choose to draw on my experience for other reasons.

      I am stuck with a large puddle of residue from seeping wounds, namely a big dollop of distrust of others, but if i don’t get out there and make the best of today how is that ever going to change ? If it doesn’t change it can be made more bearable.

      The alternatives are worse, dwelling on it all, moping around (not that I have time any more) is bad for me, filling my head with maybes and questions that can’t be answered is just no good for me.

      Yes you are right – a lot of my replies allow me to work out my own stuff and that works for me, it particularly reminds me not to do any of the above !! and to make sure i really do look after me – hindsight becomes foresight for me – strangely, but just as long as i am careful.

      Often I force myself to do things in the looking after me department not only because of what has happened but because of the daily hassles of work, family and just life taking over.

      Like last night, my brother and his mates are all up from London so I was roped in to going out with them, didn’t want to but ended up having a great night. Today they are dragging me around the pubs before forcing me to go to a football match ( can’t stand football ) but I know I will do a lot more laughing than sulking so i’m going !!

      I have had a really good Christmas and so have the boys, i’ve been out a lot with friends and enjoyed it, vegged out without dwelling and really just got on with it.

      I thought i might have had an ‘there’s an empty place at the table’ feeling but it was just a thought more so than a feeling, followed by a thought of ‘that being through his choice for the addiction’ enough said.

      So yes on the whole things are settled and good and if I keep doing what i’m doing they can only get better. I am far from being on the floor because i know my limits (finally). I no longer give what I haven’t got.

      So back to work tomorrow. I have been off for two weeks which is why you will have seen a lot of me.

      Do not worry, I know where you and everyone else are and have a great support network. 2014 for me will be about carrying on going forward and not looking back on the ‘could have beens’ they weren’t and that’s it.

      Jenny xxx

    • #3098
      madge456
      Participant

      I am so sorry to find your post so late – I knew you said you had posts but wasn’t sure which one it was – sorry, I am still learning the system here.
      Anyway, I found you – and really proud of your “too difficult box” (how clever!) and your commitment to yourself to look forward – not backward. Your posts to me have been extremely helpful as I have said before and I wanted you to know I found you, caught up on your story and am finally “with it”, I think!

      How brave you have been! So much sh*t you have been through, how hard you have worked at work and with your boys – I understand the mom thing alone is enough work for 25 hrs a day!

      I feel blessed to have met such a wise soul – and if you don’t feel wise, know you are – so much of what YOU said have been responsible for the shift I have been able to make in my own life. Thank you! I hope you can take that in (sometimes nice things are hard to hear).

      I resonate with so much of what you say about your kids, yourself and your life – suffice to say we are on the same page and I only hope I can try and play “catch up” as I follow in your footsteps of recovery. You have done a brilliant job and you, my dear, need to give yourself a huge hug!

      Your kids are lucky to have a mom who is so aware of their needs and focused on doing what needs to be done for them – I hope I can be that way soon…..Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) my own fears get in the way of doing what is right by my kids – the “what if’s” are LOUD and I am Afraid.

      Usually I can only change when it is painfully evident that the train has already gone off the cliff but is barely hanging on by the little caboose…I desperately want to do what is right by my kids and me but the fear paralyzes me and I don’t know what to do….For someone who gets hit and hits others for recreation (Im a recreational cage fighter) I sure am a chicken …. 🙁

      Thank you for showing me how to be strong, how to move forward and how to (try not to) be afraid……I hope to be as brave as you are one day…

      Thank you for your story and for continuing to believe in me…

      Much love
      xoxo
      M

    • #3099
      jenny46
      Participant

      Hello

      I haven’t had a great few days, texts started to arrive on friday and have been frequent both day and night ever since, i had hoped i had seen the last of all of this. He had a new number so caught a little off guard the first time.

      The usual stuff, i love you i hate you, accusations manipulation etc. I ignored it all until late last night when he ‘had something he had to tell me which went to might tell me etc etc,

      My mind did the rest, I jumped out of bed, checked all my finances on line and in my file, all sorts of thoughts went through my head, all the old responses even though nothing was actually said.

      I didn’t sleep well and today I feel drained – for that hour I was back there. I have managed to block the texts so have had nothing today thankfully.

      I did reply just before I blocked him telling him not to contact me again and that he has done enough damage and basically to get lost. It gave me no pleasure and now I feel a tad sad.

      I was in the vets on saturday afternoon nearly losing one of my dogs despite the fact that I had planned a good day and all I could here was my phone beeping as the screeching reached a ridiculous pitch, I just felt so under pressure.

      Today has been a crap day, a draining day but I will not let this blip get to me for much longer. Everything will look better tommorow and i won’t go backwards.

      Ultimately He set the scene I did the hard work and although it didn’t last long it was a harsh reminder of what could be again if I chose to go back and I won’t do it.

      Now I am forcing myself to take my own medicine and plan some nice stuff for the next few weeks and I will be careful with myself along the way.

      I don’t doubt I can do this but for me the only way forward will be a continued total estrangement, I can’t afford to go backwards and I refuse to.

      I will never doubt what we had and what I know to be real. This addiction just sucks so badly.

      Jenny x

    • #3100
      ell
      Participant

      Hello jenny
      I just read your post my dear,
      I can feel how difficult it is when the time comes and texts or calls starts. How difficult is to manage our anger and sadness and say no to the addiction and cole the door for one more time .
      I can see a lady who said no to the addiction and that is a win jenny.
      I can see a lady who is defiantly determined not to go back
      I can see a lady who knows what to do to protect herself and her children
      I can see a lady who has knowledge about the addiction and she is wise
      But I can see a lady who is straggling because she loves her cg and want him back deep inside her.
      And I know my jenny that this is the most difficult thing to say, no to someone you want and love .
      Some things are very hard sometimes but we can get up …and someday just feel free.
      The medication (you know it) is to do things for you, go out, meet friends and why not and new people in your life ….that is what makes us stronger and stronger
      Sometimes we are in the edge and sometimes we are more fragile but from my little experience with the addiction I know that when I stand up from something I was fragile I feel stronger.
      Your recovery my jenny is your most precious thing in your life because when you feel totally free from this you will have win that nothing in the future will be so hard for not deal with it. And your children can see and learn from this that nothing is unsolved we need faith and love for ourselves and we can go further as much we are hurt.
      When I was a teenager my father (he is dead know) I was in his arms and I told him a big problem I had . he told me what was the solution I was choosing and I told him and I was right for the solution and then he hug me and he told me that the hard thing is my baby to get well and recover after the solution .. He said to me that now is the time to cry a lot and find your relief ….time is the doctor .
      I thing that now we are in this path here you and I know the solutions and we try to recover from this ..
      All together I believe that we can go better … the help the understanding here and the advises and the others experiences is the best thin g we have here
      Give yourself jenny the credits you are doing so well , I can feel the difficulty and ups down and the loneliness but I know that we can earn our selves back
      I’m sending you a big hug and hope peace in our souls.
      With all my love ell

    • #3101
      madge456
      Participant

      How you have been in my thoughts since you made your post! I have been in our own personal hell here but wanted you to know I am thinking of you so much and how proud I am of you for standing your ground.

      You are right – this addiction does suck – but you are fighting back – being strong for yourself and your children by not allowing this addiction back into your life.

      I support you 100% and can imagine how hard is has been going from feeling better to all of a sudden be dragged back down into the dirt by your CG. But you are strong – stronger than this addiction and I urge you to follow your gut and don’t look back – Like you had said to me, no tears today and no prayers – just quietly (loudly for me!) urging you on – forward, in your own life with your own joys.

      I have more to say but must run – Know I am thinking of you and sending loving and supportive thoughts your way. You can do this – you already have – stand your ground and never look back- your continued happiness awaits.

      Thanks for sharing and being an inspiration for me. Knowing that set backs come up and seeing how your handled yours with such grace and determination only furthers to urge all of here at GT to grasp our own recovery and never let go.

      Sending love (and cookies if I could!)
      xx
      M

    • #3102
      monique
      Participant

      Hello Jenny.
      How are you now? Have you taken your own medicine?! However you have spent the past couple of days since you posted, I really hope things have improved and you are feeling better and stronger.
      How is your dog?
      Just wishing you well.

      Monique

    • #3103
      jenny46
      Participant

      Thank you all for your kind replies, Madge and Ell you are spot on and thank you for being there for me.

      Yes Monique I have taken my own medicine not sure whether you have as well as you don’t seem to update any more.

      My dog is fading and there is nothing I can do except to be with him right now other than to make the decision as to when he has to be put to sleep, all that can be done is being done and he is comfortable and not in pain and I will stay with him on the floor until that decision is made.

      The addiction is so insignificant compared to a good friend who has always been there

    • #3104
      madge456
      Participant

      Dearest Jenny
      I am so touched by your reply – I am so sorry your dog is near the end of days – Somehow we must be living in a parallel universe as I am going thru the same thing with our cat.

      Poor guy is almost 20 years old(!) and has a huge tumor on his neck (along with other things.) We are seeing if anything else can be done for him – all the while listening to him wheeze and make weird noises – already been to Vet ER 3 times – appt with specialist tomorrow to see if that will make any difference.

      All this is to say I hear you – when faced with losing a loved one (furry or otherwise) the addiction cackling in the distance has little matter. (On top of that my Dad had a stroke Friday nite – in hospital,doing ok, recovering,) but furthermore making me realize that the addiction has No Place for me – there are so many other things I need to give my focus and time to – And I know you recognize that as well.

      Give your dog all your love, warmth and hugs and he will know he was loved up until his last breath – and isn’t that what we all want??

      Thinking of you with much love and admiration…
      xoxo
      M

    • #3105
      nomore 56
      Participant

      Hi Jenny, your post made me cry. I have 3 cats (down from 5) and 3 dogs and all of them are seniors. My pets helped me make it through the darkest days when nobody else was there for me. They are my family and I love them so very much. They give so much and ask for so little in return. After my daughter went away to college and my hb left to go to therapy my animals, especially the dogs, were the only reason I got out of bed some days. I had to walk them, no matter how bad I felt or how terrible the weather was. What kept me going was the thought that nobody was there to take care of them and to love them if I wouldn’t be there anymore. My 2 older dogs have health problems now and I know that I am living on borrowed time with them. Each day is a gift. My heart goes out to you and yes, who cares about what the cg is doing and what kind of stunts the addiction pulls at a time like this. Just wanted you to know that my heart is aching for you and your 4legged friend. NM

    • #3106
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Jenny
      If knowing that so many people care helps, I hope you feel strengthened.
      It is a privilege to be owned by a dog – nobody will ever know the secrets of our hearts better. In return for unconditional love, they trust us to feed, cuddle, run, play with them and sadly make the ultimate decision for them, a decision that can never feels right for us. .
      As Nomore says, each day with a dog is a gift. Talk to him about all the wonderful times you have shared and when the times comes, take one day at a time being supported by those treasured memories . For what it is worth, I will weep with you when the time comes.

      V

    • #3107
      monique
      Participant

      Thank you for this update although it is sad. It takes me back to autumn 2008, when my last dog ‘faded away’. The final days with him were very, very precious – I talked to him a lot, telling him what a great pet he had been for 13 years and just loved him, til he peacefully passed away.

      I hope I do take my own medicine and am managing my own life healthily, although I have no ‘happy ending’ – or ‘happy new-beginning’ – to report regarding my cg. I offered to be a volunteer with GT a few months back and my offer was accepted, so I do not use the site for my own support any more. I guess that may seem a bit strange to those, like you, who knew me in the past, but it’s one of those ‘boundary lines’ you have to draw, when you move on to a different ‘chapter’ in a part of your life. I’m still the same person, but just have a different role here.

      Thinking of you,

      Monique

    • #3108
      jenny46
      Participant

      I really am touched by the words of everyone who has written to me and I’m sure my dog would be as well.

      At the moment he is still here no real change one way or the other, the vet has given him new stuff to try so this is the last ditched attempt. He doesn’t appear to be suffering badly but then his quality of life is not good either.

      So the next day or so will hold the answers I think. He does look very sorry for himself I have to say. I put him in bed with me the other night because I just couldn’t face another night downstairs and didn’t expect him to be still with me in the morning – but he was

      I am not looking after me because I am too busy looking after him, cooking rice and chicken and constantly checking on him and staying at home as much as I can along with squirting water into him etc. I resent having to be at work but we have a bit of a rota going between us.

      I am being guided by the vet at the moment and above all by the dog.

      Being a retired greyhound he to has been a victim of the gambling industry and all of these things are coming back to bite him ! His back legs are less able to support him because of the injuries he had, his teeth are not great due to the rubbish they are fed when racing and he is quite neurotic and easily upset.

      He can also be a bit of a drama queen which I also put down to his experience of the industry !!

      My middle son is 17 tomorrow – another one about to start learning to drive ! so plans to celebrate on the weekend. My youngest has just joined a gym and seems to really enjoy it which has shifted some worry for me as he now seems to have some focus on something constructive – he has been a big worry in the last couple of years.

      When I eventually have time to start getting out a bit more I will have a whole array of taxi drivers to ferry me about !! so its not all bad – I cannot believe the age they are now and all three seem to be towering above me – where has all that time gone.

      Will update again soon

      Jenny x

    • #3109
      madge456
      Participant

      Dearest Jenny

      I have a minute but wanted to send some love and support your way. How lucky your dog is to have such a loving owner – not all animals (and people) are that lucky…How you care for him comes across so much in your post – I am sure he feels all that love and it will carry him thru this world or into the next – whatever is meant to be…all we can do is be there for them and love them.

      Pets are so centering – they remind you of being in the moment – that is all we have right? And they always love you back which is more than I can say for people. Hard lessons learned….

      Again I see our lives parallel – my oldest just turned 16 yesterday..and yes, how do they get that old?? Its like I turned around and boom there he was 6’4″ and hairy! He is always my baby though as I am sure your boys are to you.

      And thank you for your comment on my thread – I will respond there as I don’t want to prattle on about my life on your thread!

      I know with your dog as he is it is hard to take care of yourself, but you need to find some time, even 10 minutes where you can give yourself something. We all know what a slippery road it is for us “over-doers” – taking the time to self-care gives your more energy to care for your dog, etc. I know you know this, but sometimes its nice to hear. Keep being a good mommy to your pet but also don’t neglect yourself.

      Hopefully the new meds will help him – what is the dog’s name?- I am walking right beside you – thinking of you –
      with love
      M

    • #3110
      madge456
      Participant

      Thinking of you and your Dog..hope you are doing ok – hoping for an update..

      xoxo
      M

    • #3111
      jenny46
      Participant

      Hi Everyone
      It seems such a long time since I’ve done an update I don’t know where to start.

      Firstly my dog did pick up after the last time I was here but very sadly he had what we think was a stroke about 2 weeks ago now so I had to have him put to sleep – still feeling the loss, very sad to lose a good friend.

      Other than the odd nasty message from my ex partner which only served as a reminder of pastures old I am now living without the addiction and life has only got better. I believe I still carry the effects but slowly they are diminishing, time can be a good healer sometimes. There are some advantages though to having such a dreadful experience, I believe that now I am a stronger person and I have a much better insight to myself than maybe I would have had before.

      I remember feeling nothing, dead inside and worrying whether this feeling would stay around for ever, thankfully it seems to be lifting a little – now that could possibly be due to going on a few dates with someone who has had the ability to make me laugh although it is a bit of a culture shock to me to be treated properly !! Watch this space with that one, more dates (with the same person !) planned for this week so who knows.

      The boys are all doing well and I think this could be a lot to do with their Mum being happy with her eye back on the ball and a stress free home for them, I didn’t realise quite how much they were worrying too.

      So away from the shadow of the addiction all is well in Jenny land I am happy to report. In fact I think I better slow down a bit – not used to all this socialising, the amount of baths and relaxation is truly amazing, if this is recovery then long may it continue !!

      I too would like to say to anyone out there who is reading and not posting, please just take that first step, I too did all of the IFs that Velvet talks about and I have one to add.

      IF I had not come to this forum then there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would still be struggling in a sticky muddy hole somewhere.

      IF I had not come to this forum and plucked up the courage to post I think now about 6 years ago then my life would be very very different than the one I have today.

      And furthermore I would not have all of you !!

      So take a chance do that first post, if you were like me then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain – with or without your CG. I am without and I survived to tell the tale !!

      I am looking forward to reading everyone else’s updates and I really hope to see everyone popping up all over the place, I am guilty of being an absentee just lately (some people may be relieved XX) Even though gambling is no longer in my life I think of here often and with affection.

      So with that I will love you and leave you – hopefully not quite for so long

      Jenny x

    • #3112
      twilight16
      Participant

      Dear Jenny,

      So thrilled to read that all is well in Jenny Land, as it should. I remember how tough it was for the both of us, which seems not too long ago. However, through the tears we made it, mostly from the support here.

      This addiction did not take us down, yet it tried, relentlessly; yet we weathered the storm by refusing to be manipuilated anymore. Of course, there were little slips along the way, feeding in to the addiction because we loved the cg. But in the end we realized we could no longer do the same song and dance anymore. It was our recovery that saved us.
      I agree life only gets better without the addiction, but we will never be the same having to deal with it. It taught us to be strong and to never let anyone manipulate us, but again at a very high price and one I would have rather never had to experience.
      The positive side again is to remember we are stronger than it and once we realized this, we knew we could overcome it. This I feel should be brought to the cg’s attention in their recovery. This addiction gets too many excuses; it really needs to be put in its place 🙂
      I smiled reading about this new person in your life. How are the dates going? Pleased to read that all is well with your sons as well. They must be basking seeing their Mum happy and sadisfied with life. I am doing well, busy with work, my girls and family. Life has never been better actually, I can’t remember the last time I had a panic attack, now that is priceless.
      Have a nice weekend.
      XXXTwilight

    • #3113
      jenny46
      Participant

      Why Why did this happen to me
      What did this addiction mean to me
      What was my understanding of the addiction to gamble
      what is my understanding of it now
      What was the impact of it upon me
      what was the impact on of it upon my children
      what is the impact upon me now
      what is the impact upon my children now
      what is the impact of compulsive gambling upon the relaitionship between myself and my children
      Did I think about the impact that gambling had on my relaitionship with my children
      Did I think about how my children precieved that to be
      Did I care at the time
      Did I want my partner to seek a recovery
      Did that scare me
      Did I fear losing control
      Was I ever in control
      Did I want to be
      Did he carry on telling fibs
      Did I believe him
      Did I want to
      Do I want to
      If I do Why do I want to
      Should I
      Am I being lied to again
      How will I know if I am
      How will i know if i’m not
      So what if I am
      So what if i’m not
      What difference will it make
      Am I a victim
      Am I a survivor
      Am I somewhere in between
      What am I
      Is it possible to love and do things to another as though we hate them
      Is it possible to love someone that does such horrible things to me
      How many times do I need to be bitten before i learn a lesson
      have i learned the lesson
      what is the lesson
      Am I sorry I learned it
      or just sorry i learned it this way
      Is recovery enough
      who’s recovery mine or his
      his or mine
      what is a recovery
      how does it feel
      to him
      to me
      can recoveries meet in the middle
      What is trust
      Is it irepairable
      What damaged it
      What can restore it

      There are just so many questions

      Jenny xx

    • #3114
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Jenny
      Recovery can be just as confusing as living with the addiction – if not more so. I think it throws up more questions than answers because in seeking recovery we are questioning ourselves, our actions, our beliefs, our very being, resulting from an experience that we feel/felt is/was unnecessary, just a sad waste of our lives and the person we love/loved.
      Your understanding of the addiction when it was vicariously controlling you was probably, as mine was, nil. Your knowledge of the addiction is now great but your understanding, in my opinion, is reflected in your post – you still want to make sense of the senseless, to tie up the loose ends, to have closure.
      When I was learning to drive in Dunfermline which has steep hills up and steep hills down (Scotland’s answer to San Francisco!), my instructor was at his wits end with my deranged kangaroo hill starts and grinding gears so he asked me to pull over and stop before I crunched him into an early grave. He asked me if I was one of those people who needed to see/hear how things worked before I could take in the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. He explained, in simple terms what happened when I pressed the clutch, disengaging and re-engaging the clutch disc to the fly wheel. The outcome was that hill starts have never been a problem to me from that day and I have never (seldom) crashed gears again – recovery was instant!
      If only it was so easy with the addiction to gamble. I can’t ask you to stop while I tell you that if you do this then that will happen or if you do that then this will happen because the ‘thing’ you are trying to understand is not mechanical and it has no logic, rhyme of reason. Recovery can never be instant. There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.
      I think, judging by your excellent support of others, that your knowledge is terrific but understanding is still impacting on you and I am not surprised, you have been badly hurt and healing takes time.
      I doubt you thought of the impact of the addiction on your children at the time it was active in your life – how could you when you didn’t have knowledge or understanding yourself? There is no blame or shame in this – I wrote my thread on ‘siblings’ from experience not guess work. Your children will make their choices based on their unique experiences just a mine are doing.
      I would imagine that it was a priority to you that your partner sought recovery even if your understanding of what you wanted him to recover from was limited. Understanding that our needs are not the needs of the CG is something I believe we can only learn.
      Did you want to believe him when he lied – frankly, yes? Who wouldn’t? We want to trust, we want to believe that if we are told something, particularly by the people we love, that what we are hearing is true or everything is pointless. Your partner’s addiction needed you to believe in him and without knowledge you couldn’t begin to dissemble truth from lies.
      I know it ‘is possible to love someone and do things to another as though you hate them’ and I would love to run a group just on this subject. Just pop in and let’s talk.
      Asking how many times you have to be bitten before you learn the lesson is the same, to me, as asking how long is a piece of string, the only one who can answer it, is you. The lesson you are trying to understand is in a class for a manipulative addiction, not motor mechanics but you will get there – you will cut your string when you are ready. I remember telling one member that it was like being on a strong piece of elastic, a constant bungee jump and she could see that analogy as being her life. She had been pinging back and forth until one day she had the strength to cut the elastic. She returned quite a bit later and was living a wonderful recovery.
      I believe that recoveries are reached on different paths, with different obstacles until finally there is the light of freedom that comes with inner peace and honesty. I became aware in Gamanon and with GA that these paths might never converge because with freedom and honesty there is not always compatibility, the original draw can be lost on both sides. I am also aware that many paths do meet and there are tremendously successful relationships.
      If you are asking if ‘your’ recovery is enough to make a relationship work with a CG who pays lip service to recovery and actively allows it to control his life, then, in my opinion, you have been using a ghost writer to pen all your wonderful posts. If you are asking if I think ‘your’ recovery is enough to make a relationship work with a CG who struggles but wants recovery then the answer does lie with you but keep asking questions until you know what you really want in your unique life.
      ‘Your’ recovery is enough; it is enough for you to live your life with you in control. It is enough to raise your sons and be the person you want to be. It is enough for you to be able to cope with whatever life chucks at you. It is enough to refuse the addiction entry to your life again. It is enough Jenny. What you do is in your hands. You are a survivor.
      V

    • #3115
      madge456
      Participant

      Ohhow your post seem to cut right to the core of things. I’ve certainly thought all of those questions myself. I’m afraid I don’t really have any answers because I think I am further away in recovery than you are. But I wanted you to know I can totally relate to what you were saying.

      It’s hard to wonder why and not know the answer. It’s hard to feel like every step forward could be a step into a giant pot hole. And it’s hard to feel like when you’re looking back that you’ve made mistakes that you can’t recover from. All I can say is that all you can do is look forward and look to the future. And make the best choices you can. You can’t go back and fix anything. And as lots of other people have said (who are certainly wiser than me) your children will make their own decisions and choices and take things in the way that they need to. You need to do what’s best for you and not feel guilty about what happened. And at the same time not be worried about the next step forward because nobody is a fortune teller and nobody knows what’s going to happen. All you can do is be true to yourself, love yourself and try to do what’s in your heart. I hope this makes sense.

      Know I am sending you lots of love and think about you often. More often than you can imagine. You have been such a help an inspiration to me that I know that you will get through this And even be in a better place than you were before. Know the truth is already in your heart and that you will be able to find it.

      You are strong. You are brave. And you will get through this. Sending my love from far away.
      Xoxo
      M

    • #3116
      san250
      Participant

      Just wanted to say ‘hello’. Your list of questions struck a chord with me. I believe as we go through the transitions of being a victim into survivor and then into thriver, some of us have a need to reflect on what’s gone before and come up with all these questions. At the time it is important to have the answers, or it seems that way, however when you are further down the road you understand you do not really need to know the answers and that everything that has happened HAD to happen to bring you where you are today.
      If you hold on to it all, it can eat you up and you will not be able to move on. When you are ready to, let it go and discover a new type of freedom (it’s waiting for you).
      We can only ever be responsible for ourselves no one else. Someone once told me that by rescuing other people, we do in fact stop them from growing (taking responsibility for themselves). Well the thought I was stopping someone from growing was enough to stop me in my tracks. It’s the same for children they love to be able to do things for themselves (if they are allowed to without criticism). And what a great gift to give a child to be able to cope with this world.
      I don’t believe a child who has witnessed a gambling household will not be affected in some way, but a strong mother who has worked on her own recovery, has to be a better option than a mother who turned a blind eye to the problem?? Stay strong Jenny and work towards becoming a thriver by looking after YOU first. Best wishes San x

    • #3117
      jenny46
      Participant

      Absolutely still here, i read most days but don’t have it in me to post any more, the reason being is that for me to post and do it justice means that i have to remember the most painful time of my life, it meant that i took responsibility for someone elses addiction and that meant

      I caused it
      I lived it
      it was my resoponsibility
      I saved it
      i tried
      i tried again
      if it wasn’t for me
      why did it happen
      it was my fault
      why could’nt i save him

      etc etc.

      Slowly i learned to save myself slowly i learned that i was more important than somebody elses need to gamble.
      Slowly one foot in front of the other i learned to look inside myself and think – not why is he doing this to me but more why i am i putting up with it _ is this all i am worth for gods sake ?

      I will never bore anyone with any more details, it is enough for me to tell you that this has been a long cold hard fight and at the end i realised the only person i hurt was me.

      But now !!!!!!!!!!! oh dear !! my life is so mad

      I have three absolutely cracking kids, total pain in the arse !! love every minute of them, missed a few years because my life was so focused on believing that my happiness depended on someone else being able to control their addiction.

      I guess now i can go forward into the new relaitionship that i am in now in in, with no fear, a realisation that no one wants to hurt or blame me, there is no addiction and i am happy

      Velvet , twilight

      it if wasnt’ for you i could not have written this today, I will always read , I may sometimes post but please don’t think badly of me if i don’t its just sometimes too painful, i have to go forward now

      all my love always

      Jenny xxxxx

    • #3118
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Jenny
      I sense in your post a feeling of wasted time and I can only urge you not to think too much about that but to enjoy ‘today’ with 3 gorgeous pains in the backside and new beginnings.
      I could never feel badly about anybody who leaves this forum because it brings back sad memories. You have had your fight and you have won, your leaving therefore is part of the success of the site – it has not only served its purpose, it has done well. I see this site and Gamanon as a staging post, an oasis,, a place to stop for a period of time while you regain strength and confidence before moving on to a happier world that is all the better for you having been here..
      You have given terrific support to other members and I have benefitted from your insights, intelligence, wit and determination. Now it is time for you to move on and share your gifts with others. I won’t forget you and what you have meant to me, so even while I feel a sense of ‘empty nest syndrome’ I will know it is good and right to feel it.
      As ever
      V

    • #3119
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Jenny,

      I like Velvet’s simile of GT as an oasis, a place to stop for a period time to regain strength and start recovery. This is not a forever place, nor should it. However, it will never be forgotten and a place where one can return. I feel this is what makes it so special.

      You most definitely have been an extremely supportive and active member here. Really taking in consideration all parts of a person’s concern and dilemma, more so that I could or would. I kind of cut to the point, but not you. You still have that sweetness, which is so appreciated. Your replies will be forever here on the site, helping those reading older threads. Their lives will be changed by your words. Your legacy will remain here, giving back what you received.
      I have moved on as well, I don’t have it in me to post anymore about the addiction. It has already taken so much for me, even though my outcome is a blessing, two years have almost passed, even with the dust settling. I forgive my father, but what I had to endure with him and his compulsive gambling is still a hard pill to swallow. Now that I am free, I know now what it means to be truly happy, living my life with my family, laughing more than I ever had in my life, and this is how I want to continue living my life.
      Thank you for all your support.
      XX Twilight

    • #3120
      jenny46
      Participant

      Life is really good for me at the moment. The boys now aged 22, 17 and 16 are brilliant, quite the young men. So much so that they appear to be thinking that they are my Dad at the moment. Middle one passed his driving test a couple of months ago so I now have two taxis on tap which is useful as I seem to have great difficulty in staying in just lately, he continues to do really well at college with plans for university next year, oldest continues to work and is happy with his girlfriend three years together now.

      I still struggle for words with my youngest on occaisions although that is not something he struggles with – what a mouth ! I shall feel nothing but relief when he finally finishes school next year.

      I have loads of friends (good ones) and a social life that wears me out but in a very happy way, and yes a new partner who is just hilarious and we do nothing but laugh the whole time we are together, completely on the same page about most things.

      Slowly and I mean very slowly the big defensive walls are coming down often becoming more of a hindrance these days than the necessary help that they were over a year ago now. I think I will always retain a few safety bricks, i’d be silly not to. But for now I have no reason to be behind them.

      I have been busy changing bedrooms the last few weeks and am now in the process of creating a retreat which will be nothing less than paradise when finished, it feels like yet anther new start. Having said that I am not known for my DIY skills so it could take a while and I refuse to depend on anyone else except me for stuff like that. I am now back on my own two feet and I intend to stay there.
      I found a few reminders of my ex in my clearing out mood which have been appropriately disposed of, I need no reminders of that time in my life.

      I will keep what i’ve learned and treasure it always and for gaining that knowledge – I have no regrets.

      It has been over a year now since I have seen my ex in person and months since we spoke, I did however get a text a few months ago asking how I was when I had unblocked my phone for another reason which was asking ‘how are you’

      My immediate reaction was to send one back saying – fantastic without you and your addiction in my life, but I resisted the temptation and felt pretty much nothing at all except, Oh My God your actually still at It !!!

      So that’s me in a nut shell, life goes on as they say and i’m enjoying every minute. I shall continue to read from time to time as ever and hope to do one or two replys and updates now I am able to stand more back from the situation and not be upset by it.

      I will never forget those who posted to me although i’m sure it was at times a very painful experience, without them I really have no idea where I would be now, actually I have a very good idea and it wouldn’t have been pretty

      Love always

      Jenny x

    • #3121
      Hopeful28
      Participant

      Hi Jenny, i have just read through this post from beginning to end and was fascinating to read (not for you maybe). I could relate to your first few posts as that describes the position i am in at the moment and this is a great comfort 1) Because i feel guity still wanting to go back 2) Because i was able to read how you had continued to plough your way through and maintain your position with a good ending.
      I like you, feel im in no man’s land at the moment, not with him despite that i love him but aware one message from me or break in my determination would start the whole process again….and it’s hard bloody work!

      I just want to say thank you really and i know you don’t want to keep posting but your honesty and insight is amazing to read and like a warm blanket for me where i can feel safe.

      Thank you
      xxx

    • #3122
      jenny46
      Participant

      I can hardly believe its been a year since I wrote on my own post and what a year its been.

      The boys are all doing really well, youngest has finally finished school, woo hoo !! no more meetings, text messages or e-mails, I thought this day would never come. He is starting a construction apprenticeship in September so I am hoping a lot of his energy gets used up, I cannot believe he is now six foot tall at the age of 16.

      Middle one passed his college course with flying colours and is off to Derby University in September studying logistical supply chain management – It just seems so strange that I finally have one fleeing the nest although I dare say he will be back complete with dirty washing !

      Oldest 22, still working and with his girlfriend of 4 years. Luckily the only drama’s I have these days are just normal day to day teenage boy things. With the exception of the struggle they still face with dealing with the impact of their dads alcoholism which is becoming progressively worse. I have to say my learning on this forum although primarily for my ex partners gambling addiction has been a real god send in helping them with the issues they face – it is interesting how well they are learning to deal with him – very proud of them.

      On the small exchange of texts that I have had with my ex CG it appears that he now limits his gambling to a few bets on Saturdays !! and if you believe that you will believe almost anything – purely by the tone of the texts it is obvious that not much has changed there. I am not really interested and avoid contact as I would never underestimate the power of the addiction to manipulate given the opportunity to do so.

      I feel great, still in my new relaitionship, not so new now as its a year down the line but all is well there. In general my social life seems to have exploded a little in the last 12 months. I cannot believe that in the early days I actually had to force myself to go out, see friends etc. and now I have to force myself to stay in from time to time.

      I sleep well with no stress and no wondering about any potential bombshells which may be just around the corner and I have just finished paying off the last of my debt of which a fair amount was accrued through my enabling as well as my previous divorce – so a very good riddance to that.

      My whole life has changed since the ending of my existence with my CG and so has that of my boys, anything and everything is better – I refer to it as an existence because that’s what it was (Hindsight and all that !!) a lonely and sometimes emotionally terrifying existence
      I suppose my main point of learning recently or maybe awakening was that what ever went on between me and my ex partner was not love – now looking back it seems like a strange sickness with me being equally as sick as him but in different ways – not being able to let go of someone that was just so bad for me and the boys, I shudder when I remember., so mostly I choose not to.

      Any way I will love you and leave you and as always the forum and all its wonderful members remain in my thoughts, as without you, I could not have done it. I still intend to post now and again and often read, it’s no longer painful for me and I’m just sad to see so many people still going through the wringer.

      Jenny xxx

    • #3123
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Jenny
      I love this upbeat post, it’s so full of just ‘living’ in the centre of your life and not hanging on to the periphery of someone else’s.
      What a difference a year makes and how far you and your boys have come in that year. The new (getting more established) relationship sounds wonderful and so much the better, I’m sure, for recognising what the addiction did, or didn’t do, for you!
      I think you are right – I think the sickness can be contagious and as such the non-CG needs to take time and care with recovery. I do believe though that having recovered, which the non-CG can do in entirety, it is so important to take the lessons learned into the rest of one’s life. I think they can be the greatest education to help one cope with so many different situations.
      As long as man is on the earth gambling will exist and for some that will mean misery but this site will do it’s best to alleviate some of the suffering. Posts like this are uplifting however, so hopefully it will be read by many to let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
      I know we will hear from you again but in the meantime keep going as you are because you have worked hard to get where you are now and you deserve it.
      V

    • #3124
      twilight16
      Participant

      Dear Jenny,
      I smiled the whole time, reading the words from a very happy Jenny. The journey was undoubtedly hard, full of ups and downs, dealing with feelings that tore at your heart, bringing you to dark places, but you made it girl. And how you did.
      Reading your update was like reading the resolution in a beloved novel; so thrilled that everyone in the family is doing well in their endeavors, happy, and living healthy lives and of course, that there is a Jenny happy ending.
      I like how you wrote how proud you are of your boys dealing with their father. Of course, they learned from a seasoned mum, saying this in a good way. So, some good did come out of it all and you and your boys are prepared to deal with any situation. I’m sure you have a highly effective BS radar/sensory like me, so not much slides by anymore, LOL.
      But honestly life could only get better after sticking with your recovery. It was what made all of this goodness possible. Thrilled you are finally enjoying going out. Since my girls are still younger, the going out in the evenings are not here yet, but I have been meeting old tennis friends for doubles. Somehow playing on the courts again, has me smiling more in my life.
      I hope others read all of your posts, as they are treasures just as this one.
      Love,
      Twilight

    • #3125
      Jilly1
      Participant

      Ah Jenny,
      That is such a wonderful post to read. I am smiling too and so pleased for you and your boys. It shows that it can be done, we can recover from the ‘strange sickness’ that affects everyone connected to it in different ways. You can’t put a price on freedom and peace of mind. It begins with that first small step out of the web. Isn’t it wonderful that instead of those despairing angry hurt messages that we would post you can now talk of happiness and peace and normal days and awakenings. And so can I! To all you friends and family members who are struggling please take heart from these posts. It seems impossible at the outset but you can change your life for the better. The only life you can really save is your own and in the long run it is best for the CG too although I don’t know at what point they will realise that.
      It doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly isn’t plain sailing but it can be done. Never give up hope. Well done Jenny – I think life will just go on getting better
      Jilly
      X

    • #3126
      jenny46
      Participant

      Hi Twilight, Velvet, Jilly

      Thank you so much for your replies, they mean such a lot, after all we’ve been through such a lot and still managed to share all those laughs through all those tears – this is why I can’t bring myself to leave completely !!!!!!!!!!

      Good to see everyone else is doing so well, it really is amazing to see what happens when we leave the addiction standing – no more red wine moments Jilly xx

      Jenny xxx

    • #3127
      jenny46
      Participant

      Hello
      Don’t really know why I decided to pop in today after so long. Life has been very good to me without gambling addiction in my life, even if I still do get the odd random abusive texts possibly down to twice a year now !!

      I can say it was a tough ride and up to a point I still carry a sadness about it all but it is rare now that I look back only to reinforce my learning to use in other situations. Last time I spoke to my ex he had apparently controlled his gambling to an acceptable level (oh really !!) the sadness said otherwise.

      I finally achieved my dream and spent the whole of November in East Africa which was amazing with the highlight being visiting the endangered mountain gorillas in Uganda which was a deeply moving and emotional experience for me, they were so fantastic. This would not have been achievable a few years ago.

      Boys now 24,20 and 18 continue to do well all working and one at Uni. Gambling has left it’s marks on them to and periodically is thrown in my face. It’s only when I look back now that the amount of time devoted to it and not them shocks me, but we can’t go back.

      I now have another addition to the family a very time consuming doberman puppy, now 8mths who is not only gorgeous but quite demanding !! all good fun. All in all life is good.

      I’m sorry to read that people are going through the mill but not surprised, where there is addiction there is pain and suffering. At least everyone here is in the right place and I can only wish you all well on your journeys however they may end, it’s a fantastic site and service.

      Jenny x

    • #3128
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Jenny
      I don’t know why you popped in today either – but I am so very glad you did.
      I don’t know what to mention first, Doberman puppies or endangered gorillas – both absolutely wonderful and neither of them connected to the reason we ‘met’.
      I am sorry that ‘the subject’ gets chucked in your face periodically but maybe it is best that it is mentioned so you know where you are – in my experience the lack of talking about what caused me to miss so much has been frustrating to put it mildly. It takes time but with time (and dare I say age – ugh!) comes greater understanding and eventual harmony.
      Thanks for the update
      Keep taking care of yourself
      Velvet

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