5 August 2014 at 11:29 am #3118
I sense in your post a feeling of wasted time and I can only urge you not to think too much about that but to enjoy ‘today’ with 3 gorgeous pains in the backside and new beginnings.
I could never feel badly about anybody who leaves this forum because it brings back sad memories. You have had your fight and you have won, your leaving therefore is part of the success of the site – it has not only served its purpose, it has done well. I see this site and Gamanon as a staging post, an oasis,, a place to stop for a period of time while you regain strength and confidence before moving on to a happier world that is all the better for you having been here..
You have given terrific support to other members and I have benefitted from your insights, intelligence, wit and determination. Now it is time for you to move on and share your gifts with others. I won’t forget you and what you have meant to me, so even while I feel a sense of ‘empty nest syndrome’ I will know it is good and right to feel it.
V7 August 2014 at 2:35 pm #3119twilight16Participant
I like Velvet’s simile of GT as an oasis, a place to stop for a period time to regain strength and start recovery. This is not a forever place, nor should it. However, it will never be forgotten and a place where one can return. I feel this is what makes it so special.
You most definitely have been an extremely supportive and active member here. Really taking in consideration all parts of a person’s concern and dilemma, more so that I could or would. I kind of cut to the point, but not you. You still have that sweetness, which is so appreciated. Your replies will be forever here on the site, helping those reading older threads. Their lives will be changed by your words. Your legacy will remain here, giving back what you received.
I have moved on as well, I don’t have it in me to post anymore about the addiction. It has already taken so much for me, even though my outcome is a blessing, two years have almost passed, even with the dust settling. I forgive my father, but what I had to endure with him and his compulsive gambling is still a hard pill to swallow. Now that I am free, I know now what it means to be truly happy, living my life with my family, laughing more than I ever had in my life, and this is how I want to continue living my life.
Thank you for all your support.
XX Twilight7 November 2014 at 2:25 pm #3120
Life is really good for me at the moment. The boys now aged 22, 17 and 16 are brilliant, quite the young men. So much so that they appear to be thinking that they are my Dad at the moment. Middle one passed his driving test a couple of months ago so I now have two taxis on tap which is useful as I seem to have great difficulty in staying in just lately, he continues to do really well at college with plans for university next year, oldest continues to work and is happy with his girlfriend three years together now.
I still struggle for words with my youngest on occaisions although that is not something he struggles with – what a mouth ! I shall feel nothing but relief when he finally finishes school next year.
I have loads of friends (good ones) and a social life that wears me out but in a very happy way, and yes a new partner who is just hilarious and we do nothing but laugh the whole time we are together, completely on the same page about most things.
Slowly and I mean very slowly the big defensive walls are coming down often becoming more of a hindrance these days than the necessary help that they were over a year ago now. I think I will always retain a few safety bricks, i’d be silly not to. But for now I have no reason to be behind them.
I have been busy changing bedrooms the last few weeks and am now in the process of creating a retreat which will be nothing less than paradise when finished, it feels like yet anther new start. Having said that I am not known for my DIY skills so it could take a while and I refuse to depend on anyone else except me for stuff like that. I am now back on my own two feet and I intend to stay there.
I found a few reminders of my ex in my clearing out mood which have been appropriately disposed of, I need no reminders of that time in my life.
I will keep what i’ve learned and treasure it always and for gaining that knowledge – I have no regrets.
It has been over a year now since I have seen my ex in person and months since we spoke, I did however get a text a few months ago asking how I was when I had unblocked my phone for another reason which was asking ‘how are you’
My immediate reaction was to send one back saying – fantastic without you and your addiction in my life, but I resisted the temptation and felt pretty much nothing at all except, Oh My God your actually still at It !!!
So that’s me in a nut shell, life goes on as they say and i’m enjoying every minute. I shall continue to read from time to time as ever and hope to do one or two replys and updates now I am able to stand more back from the situation and not be upset by it.
I will never forget those who posted to me although i’m sure it was at times a very painful experience, without them I really have no idea where I would be now, actually I have a very good idea and it wouldn’t have been pretty
Jenny x20 November 2014 at 2:18 pm #3121Hopeful28Participant
Hi Jenny, i have just read through this post from beginning to end and was fascinating to read (not for you maybe). I could relate to your first few posts as that describes the position i am in at the moment and this is a great comfort 1) Because i feel guity still wanting to go back 2) Because i was able to read how you had continued to plough your way through and maintain your position with a good ending.
I like you, feel im in no man’s land at the moment, not with him despite that i love him but aware one message from me or break in my determination would start the whole process again….and it’s hard bloody work!
I just want to say thank you really and i know you don’t want to keep posting but your honesty and insight is amazing to read and like a warm blanket for me where i can feel safe.
xxx8 July 2015 at 2:35 pm #3122
I can hardly believe its been a year since I wrote on my own post and what a year its been.
The boys are all doing really well, youngest has finally finished school, woo hoo !! no more meetings, text messages or e-mails, I thought this day would never come. He is starting a construction apprenticeship in September so I am hoping a lot of his energy gets used up, I cannot believe he is now six foot tall at the age of 16.
Middle one passed his college course with flying colours and is off to Derby University in September studying logistical supply chain management – It just seems so strange that I finally have one fleeing the nest although I dare say he will be back complete with dirty washing !
Oldest 22, still working and with his girlfriend of 4 years. Luckily the only drama’s I have these days are just normal day to day teenage boy things. With the exception of the struggle they still face with dealing with the impact of their dads alcoholism which is becoming progressively worse. I have to say my learning on this forum although primarily for my ex partners gambling addiction has been a real god send in helping them with the issues they face – it is interesting how well they are learning to deal with him – very proud of them.
On the small exchange of texts that I have had with my ex CG it appears that he now limits his gambling to a few bets on Saturdays !! and if you believe that you will believe almost anything – purely by the tone of the texts it is obvious that not much has changed there. I am not really interested and avoid contact as I would never underestimate the power of the addiction to manipulate given the opportunity to do so.
I feel great, still in my new relaitionship, not so new now as its a year down the line but all is well there. In general my social life seems to have exploded a little in the last 12 months. I cannot believe that in the early days I actually had to force myself to go out, see friends etc. and now I have to force myself to stay in from time to time.
I sleep well with no stress and no wondering about any potential bombshells which may be just around the corner and I have just finished paying off the last of my debt of which a fair amount was accrued through my enabling as well as my previous divorce – so a very good riddance to that.
My whole life has changed since the ending of my existence with my CG and so has that of my boys, anything and everything is better – I refer to it as an existence because that’s what it was (Hindsight and all that !!) a lonely and sometimes emotionally terrifying existence
I suppose my main point of learning recently or maybe awakening was that what ever went on between me and my ex partner was not love – now looking back it seems like a strange sickness with me being equally as sick as him but in different ways – not being able to let go of someone that was just so bad for me and the boys, I shudder when I remember., so mostly I choose not to.
Any way I will love you and leave you and as always the forum and all its wonderful members remain in my thoughts, as without you, I could not have done it. I still intend to post now and again and often read, it’s no longer painful for me and I’m just sad to see so many people still going through the wringer.
Jenny xxx11 July 2015 at 11:23 am #3123
I love this upbeat post, it’s so full of just ‘living’ in the centre of your life and not hanging on to the periphery of someone else’s.
What a difference a year makes and how far you and your boys have come in that year. The new (getting more established) relationship sounds wonderful and so much the better, I’m sure, for recognising what the addiction did, or didn’t do, for you!
I think you are right – I think the sickness can be contagious and as such the non-CG needs to take time and care with recovery. I do believe though that having recovered, which the non-CG can do in entirety, it is so important to take the lessons learned into the rest of one’s life. I think they can be the greatest education to help one cope with so many different situations.
As long as man is on the earth gambling will exist and for some that will mean misery but this site will do it’s best to alleviate some of the suffering. Posts like this are uplifting however, so hopefully it will be read by many to let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I know we will hear from you again but in the meantime keep going as you are because you have worked hard to get where you are now and you deserve it.
V17 July 2015 at 6:42 pm #3124twilight16Participant
I smiled the whole time, reading the words from a very happy Jenny. The journey was undoubtedly hard, full of ups and downs, dealing with feelings that tore at your heart, bringing you to dark places, but you made it girl. And how you did.
Reading your update was like reading the resolution in a beloved novel; so thrilled that everyone in the family is doing well in their endeavors, happy, and living healthy lives and of course, that there is a Jenny happy ending.
I like how you wrote how proud you are of your boys dealing with their father. Of course, they learned from a seasoned mum, saying this in a good way. So, some good did come out of it all and you and your boys are prepared to deal with any situation. I’m sure you have a highly effective BS radar/sensory like me, so not much slides by anymore, LOL.
But honestly life could only get better after sticking with your recovery. It was what made all of this goodness possible. Thrilled you are finally enjoying going out. Since my girls are still younger, the going out in the evenings are not here yet, but I have been meeting old tennis friends for doubles. Somehow playing on the courts again, has me smiling more in my life.
I hope others read all of your posts, as they are treasures just as this one.
Twilight20 July 2015 at 8:20 pm #3125Jilly1Participant
That is such a wonderful post to read. I am smiling too and so pleased for you and your boys. It shows that it can be done, we can recover from the ‘strange sickness’ that affects everyone connected to it in different ways. You can’t put a price on freedom and peace of mind. It begins with that first small step out of the web. Isn’t it wonderful that instead of those despairing angry hurt messages that we would post you can now talk of happiness and peace and normal days and awakenings. And so can I! To all you friends and family members who are struggling please take heart from these posts. It seems impossible at the outset but you can change your life for the better. The only life you can really save is your own and in the long run it is best for the CG too although I don’t know at what point they will realise that.
It doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly isn’t plain sailing but it can be done. Never give up hope. Well done Jenny – I think life will just go on getting better
X21 July 2015 at 1:41 pm #3126
Hi Twilight, Velvet, Jilly
Thank you so much for your replies, they mean such a lot, after all we’ve been through such a lot and still managed to share all those laughs through all those tears – this is why I can’t bring myself to leave completely !!!!!!!!!!
Good to see everyone else is doing so well, it really is amazing to see what happens when we leave the addiction standing – no more red wine moments Jilly xx
Jenny xxx5 January 2017 at 5:48 pm #3127
Don’t really know why I decided to pop in today after so long. Life has been very good to me without gambling addiction in my life, even if I still do get the odd random abusive texts possibly down to twice a year now !!
I can say it was a tough ride and up to a point I still carry a sadness about it all but it is rare now that I look back only to reinforce my learning to use in other situations. Last time I spoke to my ex he had apparently controlled his gambling to an acceptable level (oh really !!) the sadness said otherwise.
I finally achieved my dream and spent the whole of November in East Africa which was amazing with the highlight being visiting the endangered mountain gorillas in Uganda which was a deeply moving and emotional experience for me, they were so fantastic. This would not have been achievable a few years ago.
Boys now 24,20 and 18 continue to do well all working and one at Uni. Gambling has left it’s marks on them to and periodically is thrown in my face. It’s only when I look back now that the amount of time devoted to it and not them shocks me, but we can’t go back.
I now have another addition to the family a very time consuming doberman puppy, now 8mths who is not only gorgeous but quite demanding !! all good fun. All in all life is good.
I’m sorry to read that people are going through the mill but not surprised, where there is addiction there is pain and suffering. At least everyone here is in the right place and I can only wish you all well on your journeys however they may end, it’s a fantastic site and service.
Jenny x5 January 2017 at 10:43 pm #3128
I don’t know why you popped in today either – but I am so very glad you did.
I don’t know what to mention first, Doberman puppies or endangered gorillas – both absolutely wonderful and neither of them connected to the reason we ‘met’.
I am sorry that ‘the subject’ gets chucked in your face periodically but maybe it is best that it is mentioned so you know where you are – in my experience the lack of talking about what caused me to miss so much has been frustrating to put it mildly. It takes time but with time (and dare I say age – ugh!) comes greater understanding and eventual harmony.
Thanks for the update
Keep taking care of yourself
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