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    • #25146
      April
      Participant

      My wonderful, brave, and supportive 21 year old son led me here today to help me begin my journey into what I hope to be a full recovery from my gambling disease/addiction/habit/compulsion. No matter how one puts it there is no way to make this sound nice. I want to begin my journey by saying that I am a gambler by nature or at heart as some might say, but a gambler none the less. This has been a large part of my life style for a good 32 years now and has always been the hardest for me to cope with. Just thinking about the financial and emotional damage I have caused with my gambling makes me cry and physically ill in a way I cannot even begin to describe. This just plain hurts and plain sickens me! Well, I have finally decided to take better care of myself and those around me by performing real actions that take me away from my life style of gambling from here on in and the rest of my natural life. Today is where the rest of my life without gambling begins and I do hope that the rest of this personal journey sees me to full recovery. I am already taking steps in the right direction and have finally decided it is time to come completely out of the closet so to speak and be a lot more open about my gambling problem that begins by not only admitting I have one but also by seeking support so that I am not alone on my journey to recovery. My son led me in the right direction and this Gambling Therapy Web site is right up my alley and so far looks to be the outlet I need to discuss my gambling problem in the open without censure and hopefully will provide some of the support I need for a full recovery. But like all things, any healing starts from within and first I must look deep into myself for the healing process to begin. Typing is a good outlet for me that allows me to free many of my inhibitions as well as relieve some stress and anxiety, so you can expect a lot more from me in the days to come. I refuse to give up on Me and I am determined to Win this one!

    • #25147
      icandothis
      Participant

      Welcome to GT and to your journey of recovery. You are right when you say that you are not alone. You have a very supportive group of people right here. The key to feeling supported is to continue posting!

    • #25148
      April
      Participant

      Thank you icandothis for the warm welcome. Posting to this gambling support Web site on a daily basis is in my plan for recovery in addition to some outside therapy and I fully appreciate knowing people like you are here with me. Your label says a lot, “I Can Do This”! One moment, one minute, one day at a time. Thanks!

    • #25149
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Welcome to GT!! There is a lot of support here. Please keep posting and reading threads. One day at a time!!

    • #25150
      April
      Participant

      Hello lizbeth4. Nice to meet you and I hear that and absolutely!

    • #25151
      April
      Participant

      I thought I could plan exactly what I would type into this journal each time I visited it but that seems to not be the case. By the time I got here today this evolved into something entirely outside of what I thought or expected to type despite what was running through my head throughout the day. I also wanted to type so much more on here today that I most certainly was thinking about but now I am just going to go with the flow of my day. Besides, it has been a long weekend for me with the hubby home from work and teen daughter also off from school. Because of this my family demands on my time are higher on the weekends and by Sunday’s end I am tired. This is also a blessing in disguise as it keeps me from running to the video slots only 2 blocks from home the entire weekend that of course always come after a pay day because those 2 simply do not allow it! That gives me 2 less days of the week that I have the freedom to gamble and for this I am glad. I also know that I have plenty of time to type away here as I progress with my recovery that will also take some time if not the rest of my life time. The key here is to be patient with myself and allow the time I need for a complete recovery. After all Rome was not built in one day and I am only but too human and need to understand my own personal limits especially when it comes to time. I know that it helps to stay focused by prioritizing and that is what I intend to do as I continue with this journey on my road to recovery. I will type here as long as it takes to beat this beast within until my dying day! I for one have had enough of this when it gets to the point that I want to cut my own durn hands off just to keep from tapping a stupid little button! I am just so angry that I got caught up in this game way too long ago now that there’s no use looking back but just to stay focused on the road ahead that is No Gambling and Emotional and Financial Recovery! I have not gambled now for 3 days and in a few short minutes I will enter into Day 4. The urges are ever present as my last gambling spree was 3 short days ago but I will be patient and I will focus on my healing and recovery that will take time. Until tomorrow Journal.

    • #25152
      April
      Participant

      My road to recovery will be a long one I am sure. I am expecting this but I also expect to take it one small step at a time. Is there any other way to climb a mountain?

    • #25153
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      <

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team


      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #25154
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi April and Welcome to the forum. There is a lot of information to be had here on the site. One of the topics that comes up often is that of barriers. Barriers to our gambling. Things that we can put in place that make it difficult for us to gamble. In the first few months of recovery especially, money itself can be a trigger. Handling it, handling bank and credit cards if that was how you used to pay for your gambling. One barrier that you can use to help prevent you from gambling is to give up your access to cash. Maybe lower your bank card withdrawal limit, cut up credit cards or give to a trusted loved one for safe keeping. Make yourself accountable to someone for your spending. Our addicted self needs lots of support and barriers. One day at a time 🙂
      Laura

    • #25155
      janey1
      Participant

      Hi April

      I just wanted to say “Hi” and let you know that we run groups especially for people who are new to our website which you might be interested in joining.

      They take place at 16:00 on Monday’s and 15:00 on Thursdays (Your time) and they are run by someone with personal experience of what it’s like to have a gambling problem.

      You can join the group through the “Group Schedule” page 🙂

      Take Care
      Janey1

    • #25156
      April
      Participant

      Thanks Laura!

    • #25157
      April
      Participant

      Thanks Jany1 but the military style used for time on here confuses me 0:00 hours like that. Hopefully I am not late for group meeting today because I saw that one was held Mondays and had planned to attend. Thanks again.

    • #25158
      sam.sam
      Participant

      Hi April,
      Sorry I am late in welcoming you to the forum. I have been quite busy working these days.
      I am also a recovering CG and have gone trough the same ups and down within the last 4 months, and at the end feel quite confident that by placing barriers, I would be able to continue a quiet and stable life with out gambling.
      We all start like a baby, not being able to talk, just listening, and all of a sudden we start talking about what is happening in our mind. To me that is the best part of recovery. By talking about what is in your mind you would, or others in here would discover tiny but important points that might change the way you think and act through recovery process. For me it all started by coming here and writing about things that was bothering me, and I found myself more relax, supported, and stronger. Once I lost control and gambled again, but came back here the next day and talk about that, and it made me stronger than ever.
      At last I wanted to say, do not worry what you are writing about, just write any time you feel lonely,angry, happy,frustrated…writing in here help others to advice you when and where is needed.
      All the best in your recovery process.

    • #25159
      April
      Participant

      Hi sam.sam. Thanks for your message. It came right on time as I only too often feel alone especially in this case where I am trying to make a change in my life style that involves no gambling that no one else around me can understand. Take my hubby for example, he thinks that just by saying “STOP!” to me that it is that simple and easy. I know he loves me or he wouldn’t have hung around for 22 years but unfortunately in this case love and care is not enough to bring me to a cure. It is not at all that simple for me. My mind works on a complex level that makes Not gambling one of my life’s biggest challenges. I believe that only other gamblers on the road to quitting can even begin to comprehend what I struggle with on a daily basis. I simply do not know when to Stop despite my best resolve that I must! Even when I have gone past my limit I still want to play! I can now see that this is an addiction that started for me when I was about 10 years old and played my first game of cards Crazy Eights I think it was for tootsie rolls. It was fun and that was the beginning of the end for me! I loved to gamble! After that as I hit my teens it turned into a love of the video slot machines and an occasional Black Jack card game with my oldest brother. Although when I was younger I had much better control that could very well be because my funds were more limited. I also seemed to win more than I lost but as I know by now that wasn’t always to be the case. Because of my addiction I have lost way more than money and a part of myself that I want back! I am tired of the way I feel afterwards knowing I have again not only disappointed myself but my family. Too tired of saying “I’m broke” when I don’t have to be. Also by no means am I rich and even without any gambling involved my family pretty much lives paycheck to paycheck and here I am dwindling away most of any extra. This I have discovered is my biggest trigger, Pay Day! Understanding triggers and how to put barriers in place makes a lot of sense to me and is good advice if not the best for any gambler trying or needing to stop. I am already in processes of insuring that next pay day I do not have access to any cash that is the form I use to play video slots. It is never too late and one just needs to turn one’s mind in a different direction. This does not mean that I do not expect to struggle with this as I know I will but I also know that each day that passes without gambling will make the road to recovery smoother. Hoping it will help keep my hands busy, I have decided to start a new hobby designing and building doll houses that has always interested me starting with making a model of a hotel my 11 year old grand daughter has designed. We begin our project in about 2 weeks 🙂 For me this is key, finding something else to do with my hands and time besides push a button that only results in losing a part of myself that I am hoping to find again. Thanks sam.sam your words help.

    • #25160
      janey1
      Participant

      Hi April

      Thanks for the feedback, we have put in a request to our web developers to amend to calendar but it won’t happen for a while so please bear with us 🙂

      Thanks
      Janey

    • #25161
      monique
      Participant

      Hello April. I just want to add my welcome to that of others who have already written on your thread. I see that you have been able to tell quite a bit of your story and I hope this helps you make your way forward. As you say, you can’t change everything all at once – One Day At A Time is an important idea to keep in mind.
      I wish you well and look forward to hearing more.
      Monique (Gambling Therapy Team)

    • #25162
      April
      Participant

      Thank you Monique and yes, one day at a time. Change takes time and patience is a virtue so I have heard 🙂

    • #25163
      sam.sam
      Participant

      I am glad to find you so positive in the early days of recovery. And again you are right about finding a new ways to make yourself busy and at the same time enjoy what you are doing. When gambling we forget about small things that are really enjoy able doing, walking in the park, listening to birds singing, and helping out children or grandchildren to make a work of art. I am so happy that you are looking forward to do that.
      All the best April.

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