30 March 2023 at 8:06 pm #173707
Hi, i’m Axel, I’m 24 years old from Switzerland. A friend of mine got me into gambling about 6 years ago, right after I turned 18 years old. Since then, my gambling addiction has been a big part of my life.
It all started with sports betting, 3 or 5 CHF on various games. Then, I wanted more, so I started online betting. I was betting at school on some Japanese Volleyball games at 8am on a thursday and other ridiculous stuff. I had money thanks to a bank account where my mom and dad put money on from my birth to my 18th birthday. I then discovered Online Roulette, the possibility of gaining a lot of money in a short amount of time was hyping me up. And then began the first of the two big episodes of my gambling addiction : Black Jack. I started playing online, started losing. I had access to a physical casino in my region where I started going with friends on the weekend, the alone on the weekend, then alone during the week. I lost thousands. All the money from the account my parents gave me was gone. I also am a football referee, so once the account was to zero, I started using the money I had earned to games to go to the casino and play. I would brag about winning once in a while, but hide myself when losing. Once again, all the money I could’ve saved up ended up in someone else’s hands. At this point, it was not pleasure nor adrenaline, but rage that took over. The rage of gaining my money back. As we all know, it never works. I dug myself a bit deeper everyday. I was living with both my parents at the time, therefore I had no bill to pay at the end of the month. In December 2018, I decided to go on a trip throughout Europe after missing my exams and failing to complete my 3rd college year (you can’t fail the school otherwise you’re kicked out, so I was kicked out, mainly because of my sleeping schedules that were fucked due to me…. Gambling, spot on.) I gathered enough money to buy plane tickets, hotels and match tickets (I was going to football games). The plan of this trip was to enjoy life for a month, the last step was supposed to be the Giant’s castaway in Northern Ireland. It’s always been my father’s dream to go there. The plan was to end up there, and jump off a cliff. I was desperate, this addiction had brought me down so bad that I thought I’d never come back from it. On day one of the trip, I started online gambling the money I had saved for my meals and activities. I lost everything. When in Berlin, Tilburg and London, I went to the casino there to try and make my money back. Which didn’t work. As it was Christmas time, I got some money from my parents and managed to go to Liverpool, which was the last step of the trip. Once I reached Liverpool, three of my friends made me a surprise by joining for New Year’s Eve. At this point I had to cancel the Northern Ireland part because I didn’t have enough money to pay for the hotel. I told my friends about my problem there. They supported me. the day after, I called the Swiss Casino Association or whatever it’s called and decided to ban myself from Swiss Casinos and Swiss online gambling sites. That was a big step in my recovery. After that, I worked with my father on construction sites for 6 months. The good thing was, I was making good money, the bad thing was, I wasn’t completely over the addiciton. I kept on online gambling, lightly less than before, but still. As i had more money, I started going out a lot, paying drinks right left and centre, buying stuff and making in game micro-transactions. My gambling addiction was not as strong as it used to, but it translated to other money spending activities. Therefore, I didn’t manage to save a single CHF. After 6 months (2020), I started an apprenticeship in an insurance company. As apprentice, I was making 4 times less than with my father. I had to get money, so the gambling addiction came back harder than ever, my parents got a divorce at the same time so that didn’t help.
That’s when I discovered Live Casino “TV Shows”, I played it. These games allow you to win a sh*t ton of money in 10 seconds. And that made me think I had a chance to recover from all these years of gambling. Long story short, it didn’t work, it nevers works. Today, I’m still working for the company that gave me an apprenticeship, I’m well-paid, but I keep spending my money on sites.
I decided that today was the last day of that life. I want to leave my father’s home, I want to have my own appartment, I want to enjoy trips with friends, I want to enjoy more experiences. In order to accomplish that, I know that I have to keep my head straight. I’ve always paid my bills, but I’ve never been able to enjoy anything without asking myself if I had enough money to do it. I want this to come to an end. I’m working my ass off to earn money, I don’t need more than what I earn, I do not need to be greedy. I don’t want MY money to end up in someone else’s pockets. I’ve decided that it’s over. I’ve just sent a message to a friend saying everything that happened. He’s told me he’s here for me.
There’s always someone here for you, you’re not alone, talk to people, talk to friends, family, random guys, even they will probably have a piece of advice for you.
What I wanna say here, is that I nearly ended my life because of this bullsh*t. My friends helped me, and I gave myself a second chance. There’s always a solution. But it’s never one where you have to put money on the table. Send that message :”Mom/Dad/Mate, can we talk about something?” Go grab a beer, reach out. If there is a problem, there is a solution.
I don’t now I f i wrote this for myself or for others, but is people read this, I hope you find in that message the courage to fight your addiction.
I’ll update my progress there once in a while if i don’t forget about it.
- This topic was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by zoya.
30 March 2023 at 8:08 pm #173724zoyaModerator
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums.
Here at Gambling Therapy, we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum, you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum, so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group on Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
30 March 2023 at 8:12 pm #173725zoyaModerator
I would like to add that it is good that you decided to start your diary here. We hope that your writing will motivate you and others to quit gambling.
3 April 2023 at 8:07 pm #173894
Haven’t played since this post, I kept myself quite busy, tonight is the first night where i didn’t have anything planned after work, and playing is tickling hard right now. Not gonna touch it tho, keeping myself out of this.
17 October 2023 at 3:43 pm #182570
I am so mad at myself.
I had been clean for the past 6 months. I met a woman who’s caring and loving, I moved into a new flat, I changed jobs and everything was perfect. Until i decided to find some gambling site the other day, out of boredom, i started playing again. Found my bad habits once again, started spending money I could afford, until I reached a point where I spent money I couldn’t afford anymore, which I spent trying to get my money back. The worst thing is, that it worked. I got up to 22’000 $ on a slot. But guess what, I wanted more. I wanted to erase the 100k I spent in this since I am 18. I wanted to reach that level. And guess what ! I lost it all. 22’000 $. Over a year worth of rent. Holidays in f*cking Maldives for 3 weeks. 22’000 $. 4 months worth of salary. I was disgusted. So what happened when I lost all that ? You got it, made some more deposits, which didn’t pay off.
I hate myself for knoqing how bad it is to carry on, but I can help it. I need proefessionnal help, this shit has been eating me up for the past 6 years, and I can’t carry on like that if I wanna have a good life. Something needs to change. Now. I’m gonna seek professionnal help and get back on track. I can’t keep doing the same mistakes over and over again. I need to understand what’s going on, how I can cure that, and how I could potentially get better over a short period of time.
19 October 2023 at 9:49 pm #182644charlesModerator
Well done on getting back here.
As you have found, we are never cured.
If we need help to stop gambling then it is best to keep using support to help us stay stopped. You hadn’t posted since April, have you been using other support?
If you use professional support great. But professional support tends to run it’s course and come to an end. That’s when some form of continued support is important.
You will stop again, this time keep posting.
2 November 2023 at 6:44 pm #183113sarahluna88Participant
Ich kann so gut nachvollziehen wie es dir geht, ich hab letzte Woche an einem Tag “zurück” gewonnen was ich die Monate zuvor verzockt hatte an slots. Es gibt immer wieder mal einen Tag, wo man nur gewinnt egal was man tut. Ich hab viel nachgedacht warum das wohl so ist. Und man will mehr. Gerade wenn man gewinnt triggert einen das richtig hart. Ich neige auch dazu meine Rechnungen zu bezahlen und das notwendige zu kaufen bevor ich spiele, aber ich verzocke alles was ich zur Verfügung habe um ein schönes Leben zu haben. Mir erscheint dies als eine Art selbst Bestrafung. Möglicherweise hat das mit meiner grundlegend negativen Einstellung zum Geld zu tun, ich weiß es nicht. Aber vermutlich ist es mehr die Flucht vor den Emotionen mit denen ich nicht klar komme. Ich habe immer geglaubt, ich habe keine Angst, mittlerweile glaube ich eher ich habe keinen Zugang diese Angst zu fühlen. Hoffentlich ist es ok in deutsch zu antworten, hab gesehen du bist Schweizer:)
I can understand how you feel, one day last week I “won back” what I had lost on slot machines the months before. There is always a day when you just win, no matter what you do. I’ve thought a lot about why that is. And you want more. Especially when you win, it hits you really hard. I also tend to pay my bills and buy essentials before I play, but I gamble away everything I need to live a good life. To me this seems like a form of self-punishment. Maybe it has something to do with my fundamentally negative attitude towards money, I don’t know. But it’s probably more of an escape from the emotions I can’t handle. I always thought I wasn’t afraid, but now I think I no longer have access to feeling that fear. Hopefully it’s ok to answer in German, I saw you’re Swiss 🙂
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by zoya.
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