I first wrote back in November, after discovering my husband is a CG. We hadn’t been married a year yet. He admitted he had a problem, agreed to go to GA and in spite of all the horrifying feelings I had I was supportive and wanted to believe him. Well, he relapsed in April, then again in July. In between all that he took a new job which required us to relocate (again – I had left my home of 38 years and family to move 3,000 miles away with him shortly after we married for another job change). He lost his job in August and has been unemployed since. He’s been seeing a counselor, is actively looking for work and as far as I know isn’t gambling. All good right? Problem is, I don’t know how to feel anymore. I worry constantly, have panic attacks, check behind him all the time and wait for the other shoe to drop. It’s exhausting and he doesn’t understand. I found out he was still participating in a fantasy sports thing and asked him to speak to his counselor about it (like, can CG’s still "legally" do that sort of thing?). So he tells me tonight that his counselor said that if it’s causing a problem with one person in the relationship it should stop (which he says he did). Somehow now I feel like the bad guy, the one with the "problem". I’m just so tired and feel like I have lost track of who I really am anymore. It makes me very sad….he is a kind, goodhearted person in every other respect.
I’m not sure what to expect with this post, except maybe a little clarity, a little confirmation that I’m not going nuts? I understand that this is an addiction – I really do get that – and that there are no guarantees….but how do I take care of me. I’m just lost right now….