[asumila]

I’ve been married almost 10 years this October. My husband and I both have very good well paying jobs and a very good (or so I though) relationship. My husband has always liked to gamble and gambled often on-line with poker. I would see $2,000 and $3,000 checks come through every other month and wouldn’t think anything of it. I would always ask him how much he put in and he would always say about 2-300. I was looking though his email on his phone one day and saw that he had deposited $1,000. I got scared and took a look at our budget and saw all of the credit card debt. I confronted him about it and at first he said I was wrong and that we only had half the debt that I saw, after a few minutes he came clean and admitted to 3 times the amount of debt that I though we had. In just 7 months he put $40,000 into online gambling. We are still able to pay our bills but now we have no extra and everything is going toward paying off the debt. He cried, we cried, he said he didn’t want to lose me that he was sorry and that he was glad I found out and we could be honest now.
That was two weeks ago- today he sent me an email he had received saying that he was being given $200 for being a VIP member from his favorite gambling site. He asked me if he could use it to place a bet on football. He rationed that it is free money and that he will never again put money into the site but he just wants to see if he can turn this $200 into $2,000 and says it’s different because it’s sports and he’s never really had a problem with sports betting.
I am absolutely crushed and sad and furious. He thinks I should let him do it because he’s being honest with me and it’s different. I tried to call the company to close his account and have them stop sending him emails but they won’t do it since I’m not on the account. I love him more than anything and don’t want to imagine my life without him- we also have 3 children ages 4, 10 and 18. I just don’t know what to do.

[velvet]

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Hello Asumila

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[DebG]

First, let me start by telling you I am by no means an expert in this subject. Like you, I recently discovered my husband has a gambling problem. Over the past few years, he has accumulated $150,000 in credit cards and personal loans. It is crushing.
Others in this group may be able to provide more “experienced” advice, but I would certainly recommend not to let your husband use his free-play. It’s a great sign that he came to you to ask you if it would be ok, but his rational of it being “free” is off-based. For a gambler, it’s not about the money. It’s about the high they get from placing the bet. It’s the anticipation of the possibility of winning the next one, the next one, the next one. So while the $200 may be free, it’s only going to enable him to continue get that “high”. When the free play is gone, what’s stopping him from putting $20 in his account to keep going?
If he’s truly committed to getting help, he should look into attending gamblers anonymous meetings. They are not for everyone, but it’s a least a start.
I wish I could tell you it will get better soon, but be prepared for an internal struggle for the upcoming weeks. Like I said, I’ve only been dealing with this for two weeks, but in the last 2 weeks I have felt more emotions than I have in my entire 15 years of marriage. Sadness, guilt, loneliness, anger, resentment, exhaustion… But I’ve also felt strength, compassion and commitment to the person who I love very much.
Please continue to post. The most important thing through all of this is knowing you are not alone. There are others that are facing the same struggle as you are.

[asumila]

Thank you! I sent another email to the company and my husband called and closed his account for good, he said they lectured him on his gambling problem and he was not happy about that but I just want to do whatever I can. He keeps saying he knows it’s not going to work and he doesn’t know how we can get through this and stay together but as much as he’s hurt and deceived me I love him dearly. So many emotions and it’s hard to stay focused on my job or anything else. Thank you for the kind words and support.

[stilltime]

I pray you and your husband can get through this…and also to Deb. Money will come and go, I hope both the husbands can get help and get clean and save their families.

[Author]

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