Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Just found out my partner is gambling. I don’t know how to be.

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  • #6606
    Maria16
    Participant

    Hello 

    I have just found out that my partner is gambling and has been doing so since September last year. I accidentally found a bank statement ans it showed that she gambled £8000 in the space of 3 weeks by revieving payday loans and a loan from her sister. I feel so hurt, deceived and lied to. Like she’s lived a secret dark life for months. We had a holiday booked to go to Australia, and she told me she was saving and all this time she had blown her savings on online gambling sites. She finally admitted to me she had spent her savings , but she told me if had gone on ‘general living’ and ‘things she needed to pay out’. This isn’t the first time she has gambled. She did it years before she met me after the death of her mum. (5 years ago), and when we met she was honest abd told me she wouldn’t ever do it again. She started on the day she found out she had got a new job, and she was over the moon about it. Happy and excited. I feel I want to understand why she’s done this. I can’t help but feel so angry at her for spending all this money on gambling. She has had a few “wins” and straight away, put it back in. I worked out a total loss in septemher alone of over £4,500. I dont know what she’s spent in October -January. I would appreciate any kind d of help or advice. I genuinely am at a loss at what to do. I love her but I am unsure if I can trust her again and I feel so betrayed. Months have passed where she knew about this and never told me. surely she can do it again? She contacted gamcare and asked for help so we are waiting for a call back tomorrow. I would like some help on how to handle all this. Thank you in advance, Maria. 

    #6607
    dunc
    Participant

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

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    #6608
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Maria
    Trying to understand why your partner gambled will not help you, making sense of the senseless will only leave you more confused.
    The addiction to gamble destroys self-confidence and self-esteem which probably means your partner is feeling somewhat worthless; in my opinion, it is more important to listen to her at the moment, rather than questioning her because she may well prevaricate to avoid admitting how she truly feels.
    She has done well contacting Gamcare and I will be interested to hear how she gets on. Let me know how you feel when she tells you about it.
    Please keep posting
    Velvet

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