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    • #53101
      sunshine00
      Participant

      Who is that person in front of my mirror?

      I am opening my eyes in the morning, and I feel so tired. I am thinking of the working day which comes in just few seconds, and I automatically get exhausted …That’s the first feeling of me. It’s so sad, I am thinking again, while I am putting on my clothes and getting ready in a hurry. Yes, I will be a running zombie again.
      I am afraid the fact that I have to talk to so many people today…If I could…I would have stayed in bed, just to hide the emptiness under the blankets. Instead, the day is still long and torturing.
      I don’t even try to hide it any more. The sorrow, which will gradually evolve into anger, and then back again into sorrow is all over my face. All over my body. The lack of the ability to present a fake smile makes me cold; distant as well. But that’s what I want for today. And..I can’t stop it, and I don’t want to stop it. Right? Who am I joking? Of course, I want to stop it. I just don’t know how… yet? At least, I don’t forget easily; but this can be positive and negative, right? The big loss, the empty look trying to catch a bit of natural light, the anger, the self destructiveness which comes to the surface, all messed up in the head…
      But?
      Where are the dreams, the colours, the laughters, the music, the smiles, the hugs, the trips, the sunsets, the sunrises, the beaches, and the snow, to make my thoughts be peaceful in the morning again?
      I am thinking of the kid who had that vivid imagination, and l can’t feel it any more. I can’t see it any more. I want that kid back though.
      The eyes are the mirror of the soul…We owe to keep them open and bright.
      Look through your souls, find the kid who had that sparkle in its eyes once. Don’t abandon it, help it come back…
      Money helped people and situations create phenomenologically happy environments. However, It never brought real happiness and essence by itself. Those two meanings are hidden in the magic forest from which money, once was pushed away. Go to that forest and open your eyes and bare your soul. Fight for yourself, fight for someone, fight for something good, fight for…even if that ‘for’ is a small one. It will be enough. I will do the same…

    • #53102
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hello Sunshine and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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