[thegambler]

I went out and i spend a 10 pound to buy credit for my mobile ,6 pound for some food and 8 pound to by 2 packet taxfree cigaret lool
6 pound was left in my pocket.on my way back there is frutymashin shop,I started gamble with fruty mashin acctually in Norway,but for last 3 years I was playing roulet in betshopd ,I have not play since 10th of this mount and today was the first day which i had 150 pound.
The feeling of doing gamble came to my mind :just a few pound on frutymashins…….its just £6….
May be i asked that feeling to come.I knew that I am not gambeling I was 100percent sure this time but Iet that feeling to come .Maybe I wanted to fight and beat the feeling of gambeling .I dont know .At least I am not quite sure.
I played lots of minde  game  to myself in my life.
I did not gamble but the question which maybe  i should not ask myself now,came back again?!!
what was the reall reason for my self distruction?
any way i now i am telling every one that i am a cg and i think i should say to everyone because now I accepted that cg is an diseas , or may be i am wrong and its just a symptom ,but any way its something pathologic .I should not feel shame for my disease when i accepted that i am sick and when i am looking to help myself to tread my disease .
to be honest I am not quite sure ,i never been quite sure about everything in the world .
i alwasys was jeliuse to religius people because they have some thing  perfect and they are 100 percrnt sure about at least one thing ,
poor me I never had  beilieve  hamed

[colin in brum]

Well done on resisting those urges Hamed, one day at a time is all we have to do. 🙂

[p]

P – Living and Learning

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