Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Las Vegas and Its Desert Mirages: Poker, Family, and Marriage – Can it truly exist in harmony?

  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by sw3.
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  • #1954
    anne24
    Participant

    — 5/7/2013 2:30:20 PM: post edited by Anne24.– 5/7/2013 2:30:49 PM: post edited by Anne24.

    #1955
    velvet
    Moderator

     
    Hi Anne
    ‘If’ the counsellor said what your husband reported then they were giving him carte blanche to carry on. I say ‘if’ because the CG uses lies as a means to an end when protecting their addiction.  
    Recovery is always only in the hand of the CG – if they want it enough it is possible.
    I can only re-iterate my first post if your husband does not want to stop.   It is the hardest thing of all to live with a CG who doesn’t want to stop.   Friends and family tend to think that all CGs do want to stop ‘really’ but this is not always so.   However in view of his father maybe if would be a good idea to say that you don’t want to see the same for him and suggest he seeks further support.  
    Give him information of the means to control his addiction, perhaps find a dedicated addiction counsellor, there is nothing worse than a counsellor who doesn’t understand.   He would be welcome in our ‘My Journal’ forum and in the CG groups where he would be understood, although they will not be suggesting that he can carry on playing poker as long as he manages his bankroll.  
    I cannot tell you what to do Anne.   Being ‘constantly on your guard to keep up with him’ doesn’t sound like you are doing a lot of living just for yourself.    Keep doing the things you enjoy and perhaps increase your interests – let him see that you are strong and ‘living’ your life. Perhaps you could let him know that you would like to see him join you in living his life in a healthy way but that you cannot live with his addiction ruining your life too. 
    He entered recovery for his alcoholism so he knows he can control himself but he might be afraid of not having the amount of strength and courage he ***** to do so.
    Give him loads of sign-posts telling him where he can seek support for his recovery and give yourself loads of care because you deserve it. 
    Speak soon
    Velvet
     

    #1956
    sw3
    Participant

    ***** Anne,
    Thanks for sharing. Well, you know the bottom line is this, if your husband is a professional poker player, as he calls it, he’s not properly managing his money. He’s not paying the bills and he’s not contributing towards the betterment of the family but instead relies only on his bankroll and using it to play more poker, then your husband isn’t a professional poker player he’s a compulsive gambler and it’s not about money. It never is. There isn’t any amount that’s ever going to be enough because ***** always want to have enough bankroll to play in the bigger tournaments, and once he makes that much ***** want some to play in the cash games after the tournaments, it’s a never-ending cycle. Your husband ***** to understand that he is a compulsive gambler if he continues to put his money into poker and not taking anything out for the family. He also may want to review gamblers anonymous’ twenty questions to see how he answers those. Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of questions. So I would check out the gamblers anonymous website gamblers anonymous .org and if he’s open to it, I would encourage him to look into himself and see if anything makes sense.
    Either way I wish you and your husband best and hope that you can work through it.
    Sean

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