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  • #4514
    felina.ea
    Participant

    My name is Felina and I am 22 years old.
    First, I have some background information about my husband and I, so please bear with me.

    My husband and I were set up by our parents. I am definitely somebody who has a great need to make my mother happy; my whole extended feels this same way towards my mother. When she told me about this guy who has a wonderful family and that she wants me to marry him, I gave it a chance. If we were compatible with one another then we will get married. However, there is language barrier between us because he is from Cambodia and I’m also a Cambodian but born and raised in the US. We speak to each other in English on a daily basis, but when one of us has trouble conveying something, we’ll switch to Cambodian.

    After we got married, I stayed in Cambodia to temporarily live with my husband, his parents, and his brothers. I put a pause on school, left my family and friends, and everything, to be with him until I was able to bring him to the US with a VISA. We’ve been together now for a year and one month exactly and today, he left home unannounced.

    Typically when I wake up he isn’t in the room and comes in maybe in an hour or so, but today I waited three hours and he never came in so I messaged him, asking him what he’s doing. He replied to me and said that he is a bad person and has made mistakes. He said that truly does love me but he’s done something unforgivable and that he is leaving forever. My first instincts were to question him as to what the hell he was talking about and then I constantly tried calling him, but no answer/reply.

    I rushed downstairs to ask his brothers if anyone has seen him and everybody assumed he was with me upstairs because nobody had seen him all morning. Everyone ran around town asking about his whereabouts and calling his friends, but heard and found nothing.

    They asked me if anything was missing, any jewelry or money. I told them that my husband took them because he said my mother-in-law wanted to keep it in a safe because she had these nightmares that people cut my fingers off trying to take my ring. I told them that he said my mother and father-in-law needed money for business, so they needed to borrow the money I had. Since they were supporting me, I lent it to them because business was indeed really bad, and I didn’t need money in this foreign country anyway because I can’t really go anywhere nor do I really need anything. So I didn’t think much of lending them money. As it turns out, it was all a lie. Everything he told me from the dream to my in-laws needing money was all a lie. There were also many other instances in which I came across some money, and I never really needed the money, but I was sure my in-laws did, so each time he said my in-laws would like to borrow it, I allowed it.

    The family told me that he took all my jewelry (including my wedding ring) and all my money to gamble. He took my money about three months ago and took my jewelry two weeks ago and disappeared today. I never double-checked with my mother-in-law because I trusted my husband and I have difficulty communicating with my mother-in-law because of our language barrier.

    I had also discovered today from my brother-in-law that this is not the first time an event like this had occurred. He’d done it two or three times before he met me, but nobody told me about it. They said they all wanted to but my mother-in-law was against telling me. I called my mother back in the US and told her the situation and she feels that I should go home and put this past year behind me but it is ultimately my decision. My in-laws have said that it all falls on my decision as well–if I choose to divorce him then he will not be welcomed in the household and his name will be removed from the family documents and replaced with my name. They said they would even put him in jail. If I choose to stay with him, he will no longer be allowed to do anything without me and it’ll be up to me to try and change him. However, if I choose to stay with him and eventually bring him to the US with me, my mother would be so wary of him. With reason, she has no trust in him and she’s worried he would steal all the valuables in the house to feed his gambling addiction.

    Throughout the course of the day, I’ve felt hurt, shocked, heartbroken, and speechless. I had cried for hours wondering how this happened and I wanted to believe it was all a dream. But I didn’t feel any feelings of anger or hatred towards him at all. The situation with my money and everything didn’t matter so much as the fact that he lied to me and had this other life and addiction behind my back. I just felt like I wanted him to come home so I can hear about the situation directly from him. I did have the desire to go back home to the US at first but that was while I was still in shock and not thinking straight. Once I had gathered myself I realized my desire to try and fix our marriage was a little greater than my desire to leave. But that could very well have been manipulated after I heard my in-laws wanted to cut off all ties with him and might throw him in jail. I don’t want that to happen to him, because I still love him…he’s still my husband. But I also wouldn’t want him to be with me in the US mainly due to the fact that my mother no longer has any trust in him and we would be living with her.

    Most people are telling me that I should just leave him and go back to the US by myself. But I need more perspectives before I make my final decision, so I would truly appreciate your input on my situation.

    #4515
    velvet
    Moderator

    <

    Hello Felina

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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