[thewizefox]

well for me life did not start well at all, i left the project in beckenham and fell down even more i found it hard to suddenly been out of the house and back into normal life, at times i thought what a waste of time.
Although things were at times difficult i also have learned a lot about myself, i made the decision to stay in london far away from family and friends and give it a go, i tried as much as possible to look at things positively but more than one occassion the demons of gambling had got hold of me and i was gambling most days, spending all my benefit money and almost lining myself up for a return to rehab.

in my head i new after a while that life in london was not what i wanted and that for me to move forward i had to start a fresh take all the advice and the help i had from the beckenham project and not look back and look forward,

so for a whole year nearly the day came, i moved back home i no that i gave it my best but now 12 months down the line i no that i was always destined to move home, things carried on not particularly great and in fact only two months ago i came to a point where i decided i was going to reapply, ok , i had to think of what could be lying ahead, but the phone rang and the dudley project was full, i had to accept that it could be two months before i was offered a place so i had met carol at dudley and we discussed things , plans going ahead and do and donts and strangley since then things have changed i have turned things around.

what have i done well i m not sure how but i decided to wake up in the morning and get out and do a positive thing each day, i have joined the gym i have started going to badminton sessions at local leisure centre.

also i have started to look for a suitable job not one that sales orientated or buying online, thats the root of all evil for me so i no that i have to think wisely.

for me now i have kept to my plan of gambling a five a on a saturday and have now extended the safety of that and no longer enter the bookmakers i have a good friend of mine that does it for me, it fills the void of the buzz i miss and so far so good, i have been free of gaming machines and horses and dogs for three months now and have had no thoughts whatsover, people reading this may have an opinion but i no that gambling has ruled my life for years and i found it so difficult to stop, there is an argument that perhaps i wasnt ready and if thats the truth then all i no is i want to lead a normal life and hate how the machines ,made me, they made me ill and emotional ruined, now to where i was is a completly new person, i have my bet on a saturday and thats it, i dont gamble online because i cant and i dont have access to money like i used to i have given all this too a family member, this has been a new thing that i want to do, and the fact that it doesnt hurt to have another person loooking after my money is a great feeling as i would always never want that i can do it myself.

this is for my own personal recovery and it may not be forever but for now its great i have a job and am saving some money and paying my debts off eaach week, i am paying my gym my bills and have been continually doing this now for 6 months this is a great feeling as for most of my life i was helped out with it all and left everything that i earnt or had for gambling, i now like to pay these things my self its small steps but for now im happy and positive about life…..

[janey1]

Hi Wizefox

Thank you for such a frank account of your recovery journey since leaving the project. I think many people may view rehab as a kind of “magic wand” but what you have highlighted is that recovery requires hard work long after the programme has finished and it’s never smooth sailing.

It sounds like you are developing your support network and putting barriers in place which is wonderful. Stay close to this site and to the support you receive from the projects because you’re not alone.

Take care
Janey

[thewizefox]

hi thanks for your reply, nice to see someone make sense of what an journey can be like, its still going on and will contiunue forever, the last few weeks have been tough but i continue to seek the help when i need and make sure i stay on the right path.

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