24 August 2010 at 3:46 pm #16728markfParticipant
I haven’t posted on here for some time now as some of you know that I started at Gordon House on 12th April and so it hasn’t really been appropriate until now. When I walked through the gates of Gordon House I was a broken man. I had lost my wife, daughter, respect of my family, self worth, self esteem and pretty much all my possessions. I had gambled away and destroyed a life that I had worked hard to build and with that I had become dishonest, uncaring, and nothing short of selfish. I had reached the end of the line. I had accumulated so much debt that my creditors forced me into Bankruptcy, my home has been repossessed and I jsut could nto see a way out. Worst of all when I began gambling again (after 5 years clean) and lost everything, I was so ashamed and embarassed and scared to be found out that i did everything possible to make sure that I didn’t get caught. It took almost a year before my wife found out that i was gambling, In that time I had amounted so many debts via credit cards and loans and even taken out loans in my wife’s name that she was unaware of. By the time my wife found this all out, as you can imagine, the trust was gone and she deemed the relationship to be irritrieveable.
Like i said, I entered Gordon House a total wreck. I had virtually lost the will to care any more as everything i loved or cared about had pretty much vanished from my life.
All that has changed now. Im not quite sure how but i have started on a journey that has been the most rewarding in my life. Through the help of all the staff here at GH I have really begun to look at all my beliefs and values in life and re-assess them. I have challenged absolutely everything about myself and am in the process of removing all those aspects of my character that I dont like. I have learnt to appreciate the value of money again and learning to put my trust in others and talk about my feelings. A specific problem for me whilst gambling was that i hid my emotions away and "thought" rather then "felt" for so many years. The problem with that is that my thoughts were totally irrational and distorted as i was in the grip of a life threatening addiction. Now I am learnign to sit with my emotions again, whislt still a big learning curve for me I feel a little more humiliy and passionate about life again.
I have spent these months speaking to my parents, and family and slowly trying to rebuild our relationships. I know my parents and family still care and love me very much as they have been on this website ot seek help and guidance themselves. I am going back home this weekend to spent a couple of days with them and really excited.
Its not all roses mind you. MY wife will still not talk to me and she is still denying me access to my daughter. But on a positive, I am worknig though it all sensibly. I am taking all the necessary steps via my Solicitor and the Courts to gein access to my Daughter. I am dealing wit hal lthe paperwork that is thrown at me. I have dealt with all my creditors and have at last almost got all my finances under control.
I am definitely getting back that passion for life, I feel my fighting spirit is breaking through. I know I can rebuild my life when I leave Gordon House and I can find some happiness and fulfillment in whichever path I choose. I have the tools to deal with anything now and the understanding such a good understanding of my addiciton that i will keep it at bay for the rest of my life with the help of all those close to me that help and support me.
4 Months ago I could never have imagined how much better I feel right now. There is still a mountain to climb but its not as big as it was and no where near as daunting.
For anyone else that that is considering GH, or even just wants ot stop gamblnig, it is a long and difficult road, but with the right support the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Find some strength, find some courage, find some determination and make it happen.
24 August 2010 at 4:35 pm #16729paul315Participant
Originally posted by markf
… I am definitely getting back that passion for life …
Good afternoon Mark, it is good to read of your progress and to see the rays of hope that are guiding you. You are still an inspiration to me.
I share in your loss in that I lost my wife and daughter also; but thankfully I am not denied contact with them. However, I am isolated from them by miles and time, but am becoming more comfortable in knowing that I was part of a loving and caring family that once existed in a world of happiness. The passion for life is alive and hope is still a part of it.
God’s speed. Use what you have learned, live and enjoy the life that can now be yours.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be gambling free.
24 August 2010 at 9:42 pm #16730finding_lauraParticipant
I’m a bit slow with the typing these days and don’t sit much at a computer due to physical problems. This is my excuse for writing such a short post! But I wanted to say that I remember you from this site from before you went into Gordon House. I’m so happy to hear that you have made it through the program and have found renewed hope and enjoyment in life. There may be many challenges to come but great when you can face them as the true you. Keep up the good work Mark and take care of yourself.
24 August 2010 at 10:29 pm #16731veraParticipant
Welcome back Mark!
Of course I remember you!
You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers since you went to G. House. As a matter of fact I "met" a man her a few days ago who is going to G House and I asked him to look out for you.
Very well done on your persistance Mark!
Continued success with your recovery!
One day at a time!
27 August 2010 at 8:43 pm #16732pParticipant
Fantastic news i was so pleased to read of the positive things going on in your life now.. just want to say congratulations and never give up, we can have a gamble free life if we work at it and you are now living proof of that, way to go Mark
P – Living and Learning
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