As I sit here tonight unable to sleep I wonder if it is because of my CG. Is it that the holiday vacation is ending and reality is back knocking on my door? So…this is my story….our story…..
A year ago my partner told me he was going to go to counseling for his gambling problem. I was aware that he had gambled significantly in the past but didn’t know he had a "problem". To be perfectly honest, I didn’t really know gambling could be a problem. See I can take it or leave it. I can walk into a casino tomorrow and blow the $200 I took to entertain myself, eat a quick buffet meal and leave fulfilled. I can never go to a casino again for that matter. I watch football for the sake of watching football. I play the lottery on occasion just to talk about what I’d do if I won. I played poker online once or twice and won $40…took my winnings and ran.
Six months ago he confessed that the money that had been disappearing slowly was going to gambling. Worse, when confronted he confessed that my son’s new bicycle that was "in the shop" was actually at a pawn shop along with B’s watch and a long list of valuables from our house as well as his parent’s. Only then did I understand that there was a "problem".
One week later he entered a recovery center. Thirty days across the country. While he was gone I remodeled our bedroom, read books about addiction, hung motivational sayings around the house, whatever it took to be "ready" when he returned. The honeymoon phase was fantastic. We went to meetings together. Read daily from the GA book. Continued counseling. Agreed on changes he would make, we would both make. And slowly….life got in the way.
One week ago I discovered a money gram receipt in the laundry. It was then that I realized that the "problem" hadn’t been miraculously fixed. That the "problem" would be something we would work on as long as we were together. Can I face that? Am I strong enough to be the lifelong partner of a CG?