3 July 2013 at 12:58 pm #9466ClarityKeymaster
Just wrote a whole story about my life and what has brought me to this point in time but the forum just deleted me out so I will summarise.
My name is Ryan and I’m a compulsive gambler and have been since the days of heading on holidays with my family to Cornwall and playing the slot machines. Even in those days when I was barely able to see over the top of counters I remember looking for the big wins.
Now aged 31 and still with my whole future ahead of me I need to kick this awful disease. The disease that has gripped my life and controlled its destiny. The best part of my life has been spent gambling. Don’t get me wrong, being an ex University Graduate, currently a few exams away from qualifying as an Accountant – Yep, you heard it right, ACCOUNTANT, I have had a blessed life. But, I relish the thought of what it could have really been if I hadn’t allowed this disease to lead my life down some awful routes.
Last night, after work when everyone had left for the day. I stayed back and logged into Paddy Power online live roulette to lose nearly 1.5k of someones elses money. My best mate who is successful in Australia had borrowed me 4k earlier that day. Mainly to pay off some excessive pay day loans. I’d kidded myself thinking I could pay off the pay day loans, gamble some cash to see if I could recoup the cash paid out on the pay day loans and then repay my friend in full.
Fortunately I’d cashed out 900quid earlier that day after a small win, so I have some cash to see me through the month. Due to not paying my electricity bill for the last 18 months I was put onto a prepay meter a few months ago. I returned home last night to find the electric had gone off. I had nothing until the 900 I had cashed out hits my bank account later this week. I sat in pure darkness after my GF had left a few weeks prior, rock bottom. The GF hadn’t left because of my excessive gambling, that was another thing (she doesn’t even know) but I can guarantee it hasn’t helped our relationship. I managed to call a friend who lent me 15.00 to put the electric back on. I guy who earns 40k a year, a grown man, needed to borrow 15.00 off a friend when not 2 hours earlier I was hitting 500.00 spins via on line roulette – pitiful! But this isn’t unusual for me. Since leaving University in 2005 I believe I have easily gambled away 100k over the course of 8 years, probably more than that after taking into consideration the amount of debt I incurred at University.
Gambling has lost me some good friends, one way or another by putting me in ridiculous amounts of debt which in turn affects relationships. Borrowing money off friends affects relationships. Especially when you take forever paying it back. I must be looked upon as I right scrounger by some of my friends. Fortunately they probably don’t look at me in this light because they are amazing friends, some are the best a lad could ask for.
Then theres my family, also unaware and wouldn’t understand this awful disease. I have borrowed more money off my parents in previous years than I can remember. Both my parents don’t have amazingly well paid jobs but have always supported me in the best ay they can. But, as ever, I took the piss and made them take out loans during my university days to cover my tuition fees or student accommodation fees which I had probably blown on fruit machines and online gambling.
Jesus, what a rollercoaster life I have had to this stage. 3 relationships with 2 of those being amazing girls that any guy would be lucky to have and I ****ed them both up because my gambling disease dictated my life. It would control me by making me become the most natural compulsive liar you would ever come across. I stopped noticing what was a lie and what was the truth, I still cannot see through it.
But I am going to write in this diary and attempt to log on each day even if its only for a brief note. I will defeat this awful disease and I really want that 1 year achievement.
I want to organize my life, I want to achieve in my life, I want to really smile in my life, I want to unconditionally without interference love in my life, I want to live my life!
Its been less than 24 hours since I last gambled (20 hours to be exact) but today I will not gamble.
I want that 12 months so much. I want to get to the 2nd July 2014 and be an achiever.
It was my birthday on Monday and the day after was the pushing point.
FOR TODAY, I WILL NOT GAMBLE.
Ryan (Live well, Laugh often, Love much)3 July 2013 at 1:15 pm #9467DuncKeymaster
Thank you for posting on the Gambling Therapy forum. As you are a GB resident you are entitled to free online support through the Gamcare website at http://www.gamcare.org.uk/ .
You could also consider residential treatment which you can find out more about by following the below link:
As Gambling Therapy are unable to support people from Great Britain can I suggest that you now copy and paste your post into one of the Gamcare forums where you will receive responses from others in a similar situation to you from all over Great Britain.
You can also access online or face to face group support through Gamblers Anonymous:
We wish you well in your recovery.
The Gambling Therapy Team
— 03/07/2013 13:45:22: post edited by janey.
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