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    • #52872
      Butterfly2019
      Participant

      Good evening all.

      I am new here just looking for some advice on what I can expect from my family when I tell them what I have done.

      Firstly I am a 26 year old female.

      I have recently been in a very dark place.

      Long story short 2 years ago I had a lot of money,
      over £70,000 this was given to me by my father for a house deposit. He was very clear it was only to be used for a house. I know, I am extremely lucky. One thing lead to another and I didn’t end up purchasing the property.

      I ended up gambling all of this. Now I feel I used to have an addiction and I hate gambling now however I still do it purely to try to win the money back as I didn’t want to have to tell anyone about this. I am embarrassed, shamed and I hate myself.

      He is going to find out next week if I don’t tel him so I need to pluck up the courage and be straight.

      I am worried about what he is going to say, will he disown me. Will he never speak to me again, will he hate me?

      I have life cover which if anything happened to me he would be paid back with that and I am having those thoughts.

      I keep telling myself he would rather me be here than have the money back straight away.
      I can pay him back within 2 years using my salary and I know I won’t get any help for a house again!
      I have ruined my life and am hoping I can move forward but I can’t stand the thought of falling out with my whole family. I sometimes think I would rather not be here that everyone know what a failure I am.

      Just looking for some advise from any families out there who have been through something similar. I know I might not like what I see but anything would be helpful

      thank you

      X

    • #52873
      Butterfly2019
      Participant

      I have been gambling through my whole wages over the last 2 years to try and win it back. I have also lost this. I am in a well paid job but I just can’t come to terms with what I’ve done.

    • #52874
      Steev
      Participant

      It will be a blow to him – but I think if he is going to find out anyway next week – it is better to say something than for him to find out for himself.
      Be straight with him, don’t lie on any point as family members will find lies difficult to deal with.

      I can’t say what his reaction will be. I don’t know him or your families history. I would hope that he will see that you are still his daughter and that it was your behaviour that led to the loss – and that is not ALL of you.

      I expect he will be angry and upset – but he gave you that money and it is you that has lost out on the house deposit not him. It is you that will now have to work hard to pay it back.

      Stop gambling now. Use the means of blocking and banning yourself, getting support, losing access to money and filling your time. Post on here to let us know what is happening and take part in the groups on here (newcomers tonight) if you can. I wish you well.

    • #52875
      Butterfly2019
      Participant

      firstly thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it! 

      I think something I am worrying about is the fact that if I can’t even get my head around what I have done, how is he supposed to?!i honestly cannot believe I have done this and I’m strugglimg to come to terms with what I have done. i don’t know if that makes it better or worse…

      my father is quite bad tempered and  i think the thing I feel worst about is that he came from nothing as a child, built an amazing business and still works extremely hard for his money and I have literally taken advantage of his trust and thrown it all away. 

      I canr forgive myself so surely he won’t be able to forgive me. I’m not a bad person. I wanted to buy a house but couldn’t get a mortgage due to bad decisions with payday loans when I was 19/20. I really really wanted to buy a house so I stupidly thought if I could win enough money by gambling, I wouldn’t need a mortgage and would be happy, little did I know what I was getting myself into. 

      I wonder whetehr I am actually addicted to gambling or whetehr I was selfish and stupid that I just needed some more money and was very neive.

      honestly, Reading this back I sound like a stupid little girl. I just wish I wasn’t in this mess and could turn back time!!

      x

    • #52877
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Buterfly. No easy way to tell people of course but I think I does make it easier, for you and them is that now you won’t just be presenting the problem – you can be telling them what you are going to DO to tackle it. Actions speak louder than words and the actions that will help us stop gambling are the same actions that can help rebuild trust etc with those around us. Actions like using this site, maybe getting to gamblers anonymous meetings, getting excluded from where we usually gamble, asking someone to help with financial accountability so that you can’t gamble secretly. There is also a Friends and family Forum here that they might find helpful. Keep posting and let us know what positive actions you are taking, one day at a time.

    • #52876
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hello Butterfly and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #52878
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Butterfly
      I have just read your reply to a member in the F&F forum which led me to find your thread.
      As the parent of a compulsive gambler I know what it is like to hear the devastating news that your child has an addiction.
      I think it is important to remember when you tell your father that he is hearing the news for the first time, whereas you have lived with it for a while. He may well say things in the heat of the moment due to ignorance of the problem and I hope you will be able to swallow his possible anger and disappointment – parents usually feel the problem is their fault and often react badly.
      I would be delighted to help him understand that you didn’t ask for or want the situation in which you have found yourself – nobody would ask for such a problem but sadly it happens. I facilitate a group on Tuesdays and Thursdays if he would like to ‘talk’. We also have a Helpline where he can get support for himself.
      I believe you, when you say, are not a bad person. I also believe that you are not stupid – what has happened to you could have happened to anybody.
      I hope you will soon find it in you to forgive yourself. You are here on this site and seeking to control your problem which takes courage so well done.
      I know the addiction to gamble can be controlled or I wouldn’t be here.
      Keep posting and take one gamble-free day at a time
      Velvet

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