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    • #73698
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Hi,I am a gambler since 16 years and I am 33 right now. I think I ve losted 70€k in last 4 years. And I ve lost a lot of time. I have a nice job and a nice family. I told almost everything to my wife, but I Do not want to make her to anxious. Actually I really want to start a new road without gambling.
      I bet yesterday evening and lost more money, hopefully it is the last time.

      New shoulder +0 I will be back here every day to update this number.

    • #73703
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
      And on that note….
      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
      Take care
      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #73988
      sunny
      Participant

      Hi! Its good that you decide to take the first step to be on GF journey. At 33, nice job and good family , do not let gambling ruin it further. Please stay strong and motivated! I believe we all can do it as this GT Forum had show many others whom had stay GF.

      Keep posting on updates and look forward to reading it! God bless 🙂

      Sunny

    • #74004
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Thank you Sunny, it’s the way i’m trying to think about it.

      It’s almost 3 days without gambling. Today is sunday and it’s more difficult as there is a lot of sport, but i am trying to distract myself differently and it’s working.

      I feel good and filled with hope.

      TheShoulder +3

    • #74008
      sunny
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder.

      Hope you did it well thru this sunday without any gambling. Keep it going, it will get better as days past.

      Keep posting updates and hang in on there buddy!

      Sunny

    • #74225
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Yeah I did well on Sunday and on Monday too. Today I’ve thought a lot on all the money that I wasted. It’s difficult to accept it.
      One thing I try to think about is that I will be stronger once I get through this.

      +5

    • #74460
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      +6

    • #74480
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      First week GF. 💪. I feel very positive.

      +7

    • #74525
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Hi guys,

      unfortunately i am in quarantine due to covid. Yesterday was day 9 GF, i had nothing to do but watching sports and i deposit an amount on an online bookmaker. I was very conflicted but i placed a bet and i lost. After that i placed another one, i felt very bad and I promised myself that I would withdraw all back no matter what the result was. I won and i tied the first loss. I withdrew everithing and i felt very light.

      I don’t know how to categorize this event, but i have positive thoughts, i shouldn’t have placed that first bet but i managed to resist the monster after the second one.
      During the two hours that the whole thing lasted I felt very bad regretting the positive sensations that I had felt since I was GF.

      Now i’ve closed also that site that was out of the selfexclusion.

      I don’t know if I can go on with the count, but i’m writing it anyway

      +10 GF

    • #75180
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Hi everyone,

      I haven’t posted in a little while, unfortunately I fell last week. I got up to +21 but then relapsed. A friend of mine called me to ask me to watch a game together and to place a bet; I made that bet and after that I bet for another 5 days, disappointing me deeply. it’s amazing how a few days before I was sure of my will and nothing was enough to relapse. Now I’m here again with the intent to continue the path I started even if I realize it will be more difficult than expected.

      Back to +0

    • #75181
      G Rec
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder.

      Sorry to hear about your recent relapse, but good to see you back on here to get back on track.

      Have you tried attending any of the new member’s groups that take place Monday’s and Thursday’s. There you can receive some great advice for helping with your recovery including barriers you can put in place to make it much more difficult for you to place bets/gamble.

      • #75183
        Newshoulder
        Participant

        thank you G Rec, unfortunately, as you may have noticed, I am not native English, so I may struggle to express my feelings.
        How should you do it anyway? Do you need to register?

    • #75279
      johnstein
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder,

      I am also sorry to hear you relapse.

      Losses are hard to accept, but after all those years, how do you reason that you can win again? Is it that you bet just because of boredom? Do you have any debt that you feel is pushing you down?

      I’ve had 2 relapses and one of the takeaways for me was that there is no such thing as telling relatives or those who support you “almost all of it”. We are all afraid of showing our vulnerabilities and failures, we are scared to injure them, yet it is the only way to build real trust. The damage is already done and will continue to be worse if you hide even the tiniest part of it. For me, not telling the whole story both times very quickly became the issue, as those things which I’ve hidden, I can only continue to hide if I continue to gamble.

      When we are in such situations, we can’t clearly predict how others (relatives, other people supporting us) will react to/perceive our message and what will be the damage for them. Yet I believe that on a basic level there are just two scenarios – they either give you another chance or not. If they will not give it to you, it’s very sad and probably can trigger more destructive behavior from a CG (I would love to hear stories of how CGs successfully overcame such additional difficulties). In case they give you another chance – you better not lose it by dragging along any piece of dirt you were once in. You will try to continue to hide it, until the whole problem comes back and next time you may not have another chance from those who once cared about you. I would love to hear Friends and Family members of CG opinion on this.

      Keep pushing gambling out of your life. Stay strong. Read some great advice on the barriers we can put to prevent relapses. You can make it if you really want it.

    • #75286
      G Rec
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder,

      The new members meeting are on Monday at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00 (UK). To join, you just need to go to the Support Groups page, https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/online-support-groups-for-problem-gamblers-their-friends-and-family/ . Click on a meeting while it is running and select it to join.

    • #75806
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Hy guys, unfortunately i relapsed again, actually after my last message I never really stopped. I played a lot and had the usual pattern; major wins that would put me at ease financially, lost with interest.
      I don’t have the strength to tell my wife though. I would love to get out on my own with my own willpower. I am the one who put myself in this situation and I would love to get out of it on my own.
      I’ve raised the security level, indefinitely locked out of all online sites, and reset my head to try to prevent it from happening again.
      I would try to rewrite every day on this forum.
      I hope to make it

      Newshoulder +0

    • #75810
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 1

      still strong the bad feeling, but i’ll fight it!

    • #75829
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 3

      the bad feelings start to ease up . The desire to overcome the problem starts to rise; I have to keep my mind from flying too far ahead, stay focused on the day to day.

      One day at a time!

      • #75830
        josh
        Participant

        You can do it man, I’m rooting for you..

        Been following this thread and hoping you get better. It’s clearly a struggle, but I agree with so many others have said here – accept loss and move on. All these relapses seem to stem from regret/angst over loss and hoping you make it back. Stop the demon in his tracks and tell him – no more. It ends.

        NOW

      • #75922
        Newshoulder
        Participant

        Thank you Josh! it’s getting better!

        STOP THE DEMON

    • #75923
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 8

      Never thought about gambling in these days.
      I have prepared a schedule with financial exit and income for the next few months. I need to hang in there for a couple of months and I sincerely hope that I will be able to stick to what I forecasted.

      One day at a time!

    • #75924
      josh
      Participant

      That’s great man! You ARE doing it…. so keep on doing what you’re doing!!

      Staying away from games, friends who want you to come over to watch, let’s go to Vegas for my Bday…. these temptations need to be avoided. I don’t think you can’t be friends with them, but if they’re REAL friends, they’ll respect your decision not to put yourself in a tempting situation.

    • #75927
      elsoar
      Participant

      thanks for the support. I will try..

    • #75954
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 10

      I’m holding on, actually without much effort at the moment.

      I have to ask you something; the topic is that I am definitely compulsive and out of control when it comes to online sports betting. But I have never been compulsive (nor interested) in other forms of gambling (casinos, slots, horses). Should I find myself with friends at a casino one night in the future, should I avoid it or are things separate?

      One day at a time!

    • #75957
      josh
      Participant

      Great job so far! Rally happy for you and want to see this continue…

      I would avoid ALL types of gambling, and resist the temptation to rationalize. Once you do that, your goose is cooked. ALL gambling is a threat to your well being, even a bet with no monetary value! The disease is looking for an opening to re-surface and hurt you.

      DON’T LET IT..

    • #75964
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder,
      Unfortunately for us compulsive gamblers will power is simply not enough.
      What else are you doing? You said your wife knows most of it, can she help? I’m sure she would be more than willing!
      Cutting your access to money is a good start, no money = no gambling.
      Excluding your self from betting sites and venues is also a great barrier.
      For a compulsive gambler, the win is never great enough, it’s the action we crave. Money is only the means.
      Personally I would not ever put myself in a position to gamble. If your friends want to go to a casino…..don’t go!
      We all know what happens if we poke the bear.
      Stay strong, you can do this! Get your barriers up and use every bit of help available- it all adds up to a gamble free life.
      Take care, K xxx

    • #76039
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Newshoulder, My experience is that it is a GAMBLING addiction. We all had our favourite “drug of choce” whether that was sports, casinos, or whatever but if we stop one form then start another then the addiction will soon follow. Forms of gambling we may never have founds interesting in the past might become attractive.

      So my advice would be avoid all forms of gambling.

      Your question is “Should I find myself with friends at a casino one night in the future………”

      My advice would be to not find yourself in that position. Once you have told your firiends that you have decided to stop gambling and are no longer interested in going to the casino then there are lots of other activities you can do with them.

      This is where we find our who are really our “friends” and who are just “gambling associates.”

      • #76146
        Newshoulder
        Participant

        Thanks Kathryn anche Charles for your advices, you are certainly right.

        In the meantime it has been a few days since I last wrote, I felt good and very far from temptation. Then I don’t even know why, on Thursday from the null I made a bet, and I bet for two days.
        Now I have blocked this account as well.

        I can’t figure out what’s going on in my head. it’s like I want to quit but not completely all the way. I promised myself this time that I would definitely make it at least a month. But nothing. I’ve lost some money but most of all confidence.

        Of course I want to and I have to try again.

        Newshoulder +0

        T

    • #76147
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Bad night, thinking on all the losses accumulated. How is it possible that this feeling flies away and I fall again?
      This time I will make difference. I will try to write year everyday.

    • #76149
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 1 completed.

      what anger!

      I re-read my previous post; if I had managed to resist and quit at the beginning of December as I tried, I would now have a few thousand euros more and much more peace of mind.
      Reading other posts, I understand that quitting is a journey and relapse are intermediate stage.
      I realy want to complete the journey!

      One day at a time.

    • #76150
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder,
      It is a journey, and none of us are perfect. There will always be temptation, there will always be stress in our lives.
      I remember thinking that once I stopped gambling my life would be all roses and rainbows. LOL
      Here’s the thing.
      Once you stop, you become present in your own life.
      You begin to think rationally. You can deal with life’s dramas, big or small in a healthy way. You can think clearly, and it will make the biggest difference in your life.
      I missed so much of my kids lives, especially my daughter who’s the oldest. She was almost 18 when I found this site, and this year she will be 30 (which actually blows my brain) my first exclusion was done on her 18 th birthday.
      This addiction took my home which I had to sell to pay for my debts. Even after that I still gambled the money we made on the house away. It took me a long time to let it go. It’s not easy to think of the losses.
      But here’s what I gained.
      My freedom, no more obsessively thinking about how I was going to gamble.
      Yes, more money….but there’s still always times when I don’t quite have enough. It’s amazing what you spend when it’s not going to a venue. I hadn’t bought myself anything, clothes, homewares, etc for years. My kids actually got decent Christmas and birthday presents, not the cheap crap I’d buy when in action. Not to mention no more fear of the postman or the phone ringing ( this was a huge one for me)
      But the biggest thing I gained, was being present. Enjoying my children and now my grandchildren. Hearing them, and being there for them in every way. Enjoying time with friends, not constantly feeling sick, not being worried about how I was going to get through the week or pay my bills.
      Life is always going to throw us curveballs…..that’s just life.
      Gambling adds to the worry, and for me, working my recovery has given me back the most important thing of all…..ME!
      So keep going, remember the feelings when you lost it all. It’s easy to forget, the addiction wants us to so we go back.
      I look back now at the broken woman who found this site, screaming for help.
      It wasn’t easy, and I won’t pretend it was. But my god it has been worth it. I don’t know where I would be now and I dread to think. But I do remind myself that every day for me is a gamble free one. It does get easier, gambling is a destroyer of life, it sucks out our soul and spits us out. Fight back! There’s a whole life out there waiting for you!
      Love K xxx

    • #76169
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Kathryn, thank you for your inspiring words.

      Your words make me focus on the fact that the main aspect is not money, but presence.
      I have thought this many times, but now I realize it even better. Getting things done and living in the present 100%.

      Day 2 has passed; the thing I’ve noticed is that the first few days are easy, I have no illusions.

      One day at a time

    • #76181
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      DAY 3 GF

      Very busy at work at the moment. Easy to stay GF during the week.

      I know the bad time and the hurge will come, but one day at a time

    • #76220
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 5 GF

      No problem the last two days. I had to work a lot and never thought about gambling.
      This morning, however, I had a few more hours off and I felt a slight urge. I kept it under control and I’d say I passed.
      Week end is coming, i hope to maintain control.

      Day by day

    • #76223
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      I am currently thinking of betting. My head is telling me “just one bet with the extra money earned, then withdraw immediately”.

      I HAVE TO RESIST, with the first bet you are back into the demon.

      Day by day

    • #76239
      G Rec
      Participant

      Sorry to hear that you had thoughts of betting yesterday, but great to see that you decided to post on here when you got that urge. I hope you managed to resist.

    • #76272
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 8 GF

      The weekend has passed with all his Pro sports temptations. I had bad thoughts on friday but i managed to resist; i have to say that coming here was very helpful.
      The rest of the weekend was easier; i had to work a little bit, and stayed with the family the rest of the time!

      Day by day!

    • #76291
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 9 GF

      Very easy yesterday. Looking for the end of today in order to reach double digit!

      Day by Day

    • #76393
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      5 days without writing…means relapse…
      i gambled for two days and stopped right know. It’s too hard.
      i know it is a process; i know it’s a good thing that right know i’m here writing down my diary; but i imagined it differently.
      Keep fighting
      day by day
      GF 0 (again)

    • #76427
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Day 1 GF

      The working day are not a problem, as I have a lot to do. I already know I will receive some extra cash in April, I need a plan. Probably close a couple of debit position will be the best choice. I told my wife. I will ask her to manage this extra cash.

      Day by day

    • #76613
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Never stopped gambling since last post…i hate myself

    • #76614
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      the thought of having extra cash available makes me do everything more lightly. But the question is, why am i still gambling? it’s not for money because it should be clear to me that I’m losing it all the time.

    • #76615
      joerdj
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder,

      An exercise that helped me a lot was the following:

      Take 15 minutes to write how your future would look like in 3-5 years if you stopped doing all the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. What would it look like? An honest person with a loving family who knows his conscience is clear? What kind of job are you doing? What kind of friends do you need/ have? Just the possible future that is within your grasp.

      Now take 15 minutes to write about what kind of hell you would end up in if you don’t succeed, and keep doing the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. Do you have any friends left? Is my family still with me? Do I still have a job? A home? A car?

      This exercise might hurt in the short term but in the long term will give you a goal to run towards and a monster to run away from.

      Don’t think: “I already know the hell, I went through it”

      Just write it down. Knowing in your mind and writing it down are very very different things.

      Oh and tell your wife about your relapse.

      Short term It won’t be fun, but your conscience will thank you in the long term.

      • #76830
        Newshoulder
        Participant

        Thank you Joerdj, very helpfull thoughts. I’ll try tomorrow to write it year. Meanwhile day3 GF!

    • #77072
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Hello everyone,
      I haven’t written for a long time but unlike previous times, I am reporting a different situation.
      I’ve been GF for 12 days and I’m proud of it.
      A couple of days ago some of my colleagues made a bet together trying to get me involved but I refused.

      Day by day!

    • #77074
      sunny
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder,

      Its good to hear that you are now GF for 12 days.

      Do not give up and please keep posting updates.

      Keep going!

      Sunny

    • #77348
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Hi guys!

      Again I haven’t written for a while and again i am now reporting very good news.

      I’ve been GF for 27 days and I’m proud of it.

      I do not feel the urge and i feel very good right now, living the present and enjoying everyday!

      Day by day!

    • #77381
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      First month GF since a lot!!!!!!
      i’m matching my personal financial forecast, and this gives me more will power.

      31 GF, day by day

    • #77382
      G Rec
      Participant

      Nice work Newshouldr on being 31 days GF. I will be following your updates, hoping to see that number go up and up.

    • #78373
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      I had a bad bad relapse today.
      Same story, same cycle. I am very disappointed.

    • #78374
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      I have lost a lot. I look back to my diary. What if really stopped when I tried and wrote it last times?
      I would have been richer and happier….

      But I am still here….

    • #78375
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Now I will have some financial trouble by the end of the months…i am so stupid

    • #78377
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      It seems like I love that street

    • #78378
      precast
      Participant

      try to post thanks

    • #137812
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      The worst gambling period of my life has arrived, I have lost a lot during vacation. I couldn’t stop. I had a lot of free time and ruined it. But today I feel I can start my battle against gambling again. I will go through very difficult financial period in September, today I will think how to manage it.

      I autoescluded from all gambling site.

      GF0

    • #137955
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Did not reached the end of the day. I gambled again, still gf0

    • #137976
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Passed the night thinking on how much stupid I am. Now it’s time to think on the present and to reset and restart.
      Gf0

    • #138031
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      GF 1
      Step by step
      Everyday GF is easier

    • #138133
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      GF3
      As always it’s getting easier after first two days. I know that I have to resist at the first bet know! Not feeling the urge

    • #138541
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Did not write this week, i was very busy at work. I never thought about gambling. Life is easier again; hope to keep this path.
      I will have some financial trouble at the end of the month, due to my stupid August; i am looking for a way to postpone some payments as in October i will be able to pay everithing.

      GF11 DAY BY DAY

    • #139049
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      GF 19
      HI all,
      Another sports weekend has passed and I am GF. I thought about gambling, but I also thought about the consequences and it was very easy to stop the urge.
      As in the past the best thing about being GF is to be 100% present and enjoy life.
      Day by day

    • #139053
      G Rec
      Participant

      Hi Newshoulder,

      I have been following your progress, and it is great to see you have reached the 19-day mark of staying gamble-free. Well done.

      I really hope that you can keep building that number up and up. I have’t seen you mention any barriers you have put in place to help increase the chances of staying gamble-free. Is that something that you have considered, and/or put in place? For me, barriers have made a big difference.

    • #142944
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Guys unfortunately i relapsed in the middle of october and had the same routine as always. I am back here and triyng again. I know i have to try again and again. It seems like after a month gambling free i always fell.
      I will try to be stronger in that period next time

      GF1 attempt 4

    • #142996
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      I looked back to my previous posts. It is always the same story. I updated my spreadsheet I ve lost almost 6 months. It’s hurting and very difficult. I feel the urge. It’s strong.

    • #143025
      Newshoulder
      Participant

      Had a lot of urge today. Tried to avoid my self exclusion,but I was not able to deposit. Barriers!

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