31 July 2019 at 4:21 pm #6848DjpParticipant
I have been with my bf for 3 years, having lived with him for the past year.
When our relationship started I became aware of his gambling addiction, he usually did bets online spending 100s of pounds.
The past year since we have lived together there have been three separate occasions where he has gambled his wages and his half of the rent away. I have always supported him and saved us by paying everything.
Most recently I thought I had lost my bank card, turns out he had stolen it and withdrawn our rent money for this month, a total of £980.
Now we can’t pay our rent so will likely be made homeless.
He’s recently been diagnosed with depressions which when left untreated increases his gambling addiction.
He always says he will get help and make things better but this just keeps happening.
I’m falling out of love with him everyday and it makes me so sad that this is happening. Hes changed over the past year and isn’t the man that I first fell in love with.
I don’t know how much more I can take, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since his behaviours have got worse.
Not sure what I am supposed to do. I’m scared to leave him as I know what dark place he will fall into, but equally I need to look after myself.
I’m so stuck.1 August 2019 at 9:51 am #6849duncParticipant
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team2 August 2019 at 7:35 am #6850Meghna83Participant
My honest advice to You is get out of the relationship. It’s early days and if he can steal from you and fall behind on rent money, think About what might happen in the future. He also lied to you from the outset, not telling you that he’s a CG
You are not stuck. You are just in a difficult position. It is you that can resolve your probleM. If you are falling out of love and feeling as though his actions are not making you happy or fulfilled with the realitionship then I guess you have your answer.2 August 2019 at 5:09 pm #6851butterfly70Participant
The reason I joined this site is because I feel so lost and alone. In my family I was raised that gambling is bad. My common law has gambled our rent so many times, I cannot *****. I try to be strong and not let him. When he wants to gamble he practically begs, if that doesn’t work, he gets angry and mean. He has never hurt me physically but some of the things he has said to me are so hurtful. Once the money is gone he so sad and apologetic. He cries and says he does not know what he will do without me. He will never do it again. I do not want to be evicted so I lie and borrow to cover the rent. I know we should not enable a gambler but I don’t want to end up on the street because of him! I know how you feel, you say you are falling out of love with him. I love the man he is when we are broke but as soon as we get our pay he turns into someone I do NOT like.6 August 2019 at 10:32 pm #6852velvetModerator
I believe that nobody should tell you to leave or to stay because you must do what is right for you but with knowledge of your boyfriend’s addiction you will be able to make an informed decision.
Has your boyfriend ever sought help for himself, he might not be aware of the amount of support available to him? Maybe you could download the 20-Questions from the Gamblers anonymous web site and ask him to look at them – it might help him to focus on his behaviour.
Perhaps you could ask him to look at this site and maybe call our Helpline or contact our CG groups – everything we offer is anonymous and non-judgemental.
Whatever you decide, it is so important that you look after ‘you’ Djp because you will not be able to help yourself or your boyfriend if you sacrifice your own health. Don’t be afraid to make the decision that is right for you.
Please post again and let us know how you are doing. It would be great if you would join me in an F&F group –nothing said in the group appears on the forum, it is private and safe.
Velvet6 August 2019 at 10:40 pm #6853velvetModerator
I would hate for you to end up on the streets because of your common-law’s addiction.
I cannot offer you the support you deserve on someone else’s thread Butterfly but I would love to be here for you so maybe you could start your own thread and allow me to walk with you.
Scroll to the end of the forums and click on ‘New topic’, write your post in the box and give your thread a title, scroll down and click on ‘save’. Your thread will appear in the forum and I can then support you.
I hope you will give us a try – there is no need for you to feel so alone with this worry.
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