[bridgetd0714]

i found an old book that i bought years ago but never really took the time to read. i was feeling particularly down and was looking for something to ‘make me happy.’ needless to say, the urge to seek out the fun lights and excitement of free spins is still strong. so i tried to read out loud so i could focus on something else. the first article that got my attention was about losing the sense of entitlement. the thoughts i normally had whenever i was gambling popped up:
– i’ve been here for hours so i should definitely win something
– work was extra stressful today so i should spend on myself so i’ll feel better
– even if i don’t win big, i should at least win back what i’ve already spent
– i’m here all the time so i deserve to win
– (on very bleak days) i’ve been through so much in my life…i should win big to make life fair
i realized that i always felt that sense of ‘deserving more.’ what i’m trying to do now is list down the things that i have but never really felt grateful for because i was always chasing after the big time. my list includes: my job, family, good health…an annoyingly loud colleague who always remembers to bring me a small souvenir whenever she travels…an absentee boss who gives me tasks that never fail to challenge my skills…
i’m trying to look at things from another angle rather than feel like a victim of circumstances. losing my sense of entitlement will help me appreciate the simpler, more meaningful things in life. Hope springs eternal.

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