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    • #13479

      Dated 23 Dec 2011, I was walking away from an on going football match, I was experiencing heavy feelings, strong fear and anxiety, I fear that I was going to lose today, there was still another 45 mins to go before the result will be reveal. I decided to relief my feeling by walking away to the mall in the next building.
      There was a wide display of books on the countless tables display in the open. I just walk around it and spotted one book, it was small compare to many there but it stood out for me. I took it, looked inside and I was hit not only by reality but also by the message in it.
      It talk about…
      A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God – shaped life is a flourishing tree. ~ Proverbs 11:28 msg
      Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life ~ Roman 8:6 msg
      Jesus said, ”Self- help is no help at all. Self – sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.” ~ Mathew 16:25 msg
      My thoughts was….
      I was obsessed with having more money than what I had. Without other means to grow my money, gambling is the fastest way. One that has proven to be wrong for countless times. I was insane and stubborn to be still doing the same thing over and over again and suffering the consequences. I lose my freedom and happiness as a result, I brought self inflicted pain, suffering and difficulties into my life.
      I was thinking of a lot about people important to me recently. I love them but I was not God. I don’t want to sacrifice my self-will, I enjoy satisfying my cravings. Most of the times, I end up paying a heavy price as a result. I sacrifice my love ones in the end, I denied them love and things that money can buy when I lost everything.
      Coincidence is God ‘s way of staying anonymous ~ Albert Einstein
      Another sign from Jesus, that he is here. He send me a message.
      Praise the Lord who gives and take away.
      Time to work my recovery and write about my experiences in this journal
      Merry Christmas to all in here. God bless
       — 8/1/2012 8:32:30 PM: post edited by lostsoul24122011.

    • #13480

      Dated 1 JAN 2012
      Glad there was no strong craving to gamble so far today
      But why am I experiencing this feeling when i wake up ? it felt like
      a sense of emptiness, like I was missing someone or something
      it felt like I lost something that was original there, now I dont have plan what to do next
      suddenly I have new found time and freedom
      my mind is free from the normal obsessive thoughts
      I don’t have to study any upcoming match for long period
      I don’t have to made the difficult decision of who to bet
      I don’t have to made the difficult decision on how much to bet
      I don’t have to worry about the outcome of the bet
      I don’t have to rush for the next game
      I don’t have to find money for the next game
      I do not have to suffer the usual anxiety, impatience, worries and  big disappointments
      that comes before, during and after the game
       — 4/1/2012 11:23:41 AM: post edited by lostsoul24122011.

    • #13481

      Hi Lost, never really gambled on football matches ,my choice of poison was Horse racing and greyhound racing. To wait 90 minutes for a football match to finish was way too long for me to wait for an outcome whether I won or lost. Still gambling is gambling and losing is still losing.Whether you wait 90 mins or 1 mins.My craving to gamble is not so strong with me at the moment as I have no funds to gamble with, really not enough money for food ( had to go shopping with my mother so she could buy me some food to eat over the next few days). I have not got the craving, but for some unknown reason I still watch the horse racing on the TV and check all the horse/greyhound results on the internet. Just to see ,if I did have any money to gamble if I would have picked any of the winners. How sad is that. My craving to gamble will never go away ,it has been with me for at least 28 years, it is so very hard to give up. Basically the only way I can deal with it is not straying. If I know my partner is doing over time at work and I know she will not be at home , I may have some time to spare to gamble so usually gamble I do . If I have time to gamble without anybody finding out I usually do. I have promised to family and partner that I have given up gambling for the 1000th time. I am sure every gambler has told that ***. In my case there is no logic of thinking if I am mentally or physically addicted . I just know I am addicted to gambling. It hurts me every second of every day knowing what I have done to my life through gambling.The material things I could have bought, the holidays I could have gone on, time I lost, hurt I have caused there are a million things I could write. But nothing will bring my past back. No amount of worrying will pay the bills and the debt I am in . Have only been on this site a week or so and have enjoyed reading all the positive stories and knowing I am not alone. The only way I can stop gambling is focus on my future and not my evil past. And come on this site for ***** when I want to gamble instead of gambling . Good luck and let us all have a gamble free 2012.– 01/01/2012 10:00:02: post edited by blueelvis888.

    • #13482

      ***** lost soul!
      went through your posts and i can relate to your feeling of emptiness and suddenly there is lot of time and no motivation to do anything else.. that is one reason for my constant battle for one month when i kept relapsing every second or third day.. try to engage yourself somewhere.. if nothing else.. keep coming here and read the life stories of other CG’S and then you can not only learn something from them but also it distracts you from gambling and the urges get weaker with each passing day..
      wishing you a very happy and gamble free new yeartomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #13483

      Dated 2 Jan 2012
      Bio real life story…
      Someone in the show says
      You change your behavior and action
      You change your life
      The devil was telling me I have resisted the strong temptation to gamble
      for many days now, It is ok to gamble
       — 4/1/2012 11:16:10 AM: post edited by lostsoul24122011.

    • #13484

      no way soul. pull that little ******** from your ear and ***** him arround a bit.  not ok to gamble.

    • #13485

      Dated 5 Jan 2012
      Today I wanted to experience those feelings I get when gambling. Of cos I wish to win money but I know I never win all the ***** but I really wanted to  do something I love, even at the expense of borrowing and ending up on the losing end. I have never felt like a loser when I walk into a casino.
      I doesnt made sense, why am I willing to do it and risk hitting another rock bottom
      Today I did not do it, even though I wanted to experience that feeling one more time because I still remember the last painful experience, the ending was very inconvenient and uncomfortable. I don’t want the same thing to happen again.
      Look like the pain and suffering it brought me was more than the fun, it was not a difficult decision today,I abandon the plan.
       — 4/1/2012 8:21:26 AM: post edited by lostsoul24122011.

    • #13486

      and a good plan to loose too.  way to go.  the ending is always the same when we do go so lets hang it up.

    • #13487

      Dated 6 Jan 2012
      Gambling dreams : the feeling was so real
      I was not very please when I woke up, I had just experience all the feelings I get from  gambling, they are so real in my dreams, I experience the same disappointment, anger and inconveniences.
      I woke up not knowing why it happen, I felt the pain, inconveniences of being broke and I hate this  feelings. It was a nightmare.

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