Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Mission 1: Refrain from Headbutting My CG Fiancè

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  • #6385
    Viviwlj
    Participant

    Hi, thank you for your consideration to click on this thread! 

    My fiancè has been gambling since he broke up with his cheating ex as a way to move on. I’ve known this since the first time we met and I accept it as I think it’s still under control. He was so messed up so he asked me to help him get better. I agreed to give him the glue and he fixed himself. He finally stops clubbing and stuff, except for his gamblig habit. It was mild and just for fun at first but now he’s become a hardcore VIP member of an online gambling called ***

    He keeps apologising, making promises,  then lying and apologising again about his gambling. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I gave up since as I needed to save my sanity first but then I forgave him and I still believed he would be able to stop eventually. 

    But nope, he did it again. He can always find his ways to gamble while I’m struggling to protect him from gambling. It keeps happening with him crying in each episode that I feel like I’m getting used to the situation and see the whole situation as a game. I’m tired and want to give up but sometimes I feel challenged to fix him because I know I’ll accomplish the mission in the end though I know I’ll hurt myself. I want to leave him but I’m afraid once I do that, he’ll be worse. That’s the last thing I want. Fyi, he’s crazy about those money as he thinks he has to get all his money back in order to have enough saving for our marriage. I know it’s stupid and I’ve explained all I could to him but still he doesn’t listen. I suspect he’s under gambling black magic as It’s quite popular in Indonesia. 

    Do you guys think I’m killing myself? Is there anyone here who chooses to stay and keeps supporting your man and succeed? How about those who chooses to leave? Do you regret it? And for those who are recovering, do you think I’m doing the right thing? Any advice on how to help my man heal himself? 

    #6386
    charles
    Moderator

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6387
    charles
    Moderator

    Hi Viviwlj,

    You will no doubt receive a response from Velvet and other Family members who use this forum.

    I will give you my input as a Compulsive Gambler myself.

    I made lots of “promises” when i was gambling, occasionally I actualy meant them! I also played the crying card on more than one occasion. Basically i did and said pretty much anything to calm the waters until I could gamble again.

    Forget any words and promises, next time he is making them ask him what he is prepared to DO. Actions speak louder than words – I am talking about actions like getting excluded from that site, getting a blocker for his computer/phone etc getting to GA meetings, coming here to use support in the My Journal Forum. Full accountability; maybe giving you control of his money etc

    It’ll be his actions, or lack of them, that will show you how serious he is about addressing things. You might have to make some tough decisins – don’t make them based on anythign he says/promises.

    #6388
    Viviwlj
    Participant

    Hi thank you for the reply. You’re right. I said to him that I’ve forgiven him and will give him chances as he wish, but I cannot trust him anymore because the process is always the same. First step I’ll find out he just gambled aways all his saving. Then he’ll cry and regret his action. I’ll be upset so he’ll try to convince me again. He’ll be all motivated again to stop gambling. Then he’ll find his ways to the *** again ending up to the firat step. We’re getting nowhere. I feel like I’m walking forward alone in this relationship while he embrace his gambling account dearly. 

    But I can still support him as a best friend. Please wish me luck. Could you share to us the step-by-step you’ve gone through to stop your addiction, please? 

    #6389
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Viviwlj
    I think that supporting your loved one as a best friend is a fantastic way to move forward for you and for him. Your fiancé’s addiction will take you all the way down with it ‘if you allow it’. You are stronger than his addiction however and I think you are taking a very wise course although I suspect it will not be easy.
    It would be great if you could make the group tonight as it will be my last one for 2 weeks – it is one-to-one and nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
    Charles has written his story in ‘My Journal’ if you want to follow his path to recovery. For myself I know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled or I wouldn’t be here writing to you – I am willing to share more with you this evening if you so wish.
    Velvet

    #6390
    Viviwlj
    Participant

    Hi I’m so sorry I just noticed your reply. I’m trying to understand what group you mean here. Pelase wait. I hope you read my reply soon too! 

    #6391
    Viviwlj
    Participant

    Hi, thank you for reaching out to me! We live in different time zones anyway so I think it’d be great if there’s another way to contact you. Thank you so much! 

    #6392
    charles
    Moderator

    Hi Viv,
    Actually my own story isn’t in the My Journal Forum, though i do contribute to threads there. My own recovery centres around gamblers Anonymous.

    He doesn’t need a step by step guide – he needs to start taking the first steps – those positive actions rather than words. The most important advice I could give him, or anyone else, would be to use support – if we could do it on your own then we wouldn’t be in the mire in the first place.

    You can be his friend but don’t be his safety net – he needs to face the consequences of his actions or why would he stop gambling?

    My last thought here is that this forum and threaad is for YOU, to focus on YOU. he has support available if/when he chooses to use it.

    The groups Velvet referred to are the live support groups here. Click on “Support Groups” in the yellow box at top of the page, then click on “Check all the support groups” and you will see the full schedule.

    Velvet’s Friends and Family Groups are usually on a Tuesday and Thursday evening but she is on holiday at the moment. You would also be welcome in the “Drop In – All Members Welcome” Groups.

    I hope this helps.

    #6393
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Viv

    It would be great to get an update.

    Velvet

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