Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #11747
    livelife
    Participant

    Hello Everyone,
    I’m a 28 year old male living in Sydney, Australia.
    I have gambled ever since i turned 18, however, the issue only ever got serious in 2009 when i started to lose more than i could afford.
    In 2011 i got married to the woman who i believe is my soul mate.
    Unfortunately i haven’t been able to control my gambling and it has affected my life, my wife’s life and our life together. I promised that i would quit on numerous occassions over the last 2 years and while i did stop for varying lengths of time, i always fell back into my bad habits.
    I have been living a life of lie, hiding this problem from everyone and it has been a major struggle. It has taken it’s toll on my wife who has also been living a life she didn’t want and doesn’t deserve.
    I am now face the prospect of losing the love of my life and quite frankly, it scares me to no end.
    I now have to own this problem and work towards loving my own life before i can expect anyone else to want to share it with me.
    I’m struggling with the thoughts of no matter how i approach this, it may not be enough to save my marriage.
    I know i have to do this for myself, but the possible consequences are playing through my mind every minute of every day.
    I am now trying to create a plan to show everyone that i am taking responsibility and give them some confidence that i will come out the other side a better person. I am currently seeing a counsellor and plan to attend GA meetings. Does anyone else have any other suggestions?
    I haven’t gambled for about 6 weeks, however the majority of this has been due to self loathing after my wife suggested that we not make it through this.
    I want to become a man that people can depend on, have trust in and be someone that is enjoyable to be around.
    Any feedback or suggestions in this journey would be much appreciated.
    Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share.
     Life is meant to be lived

    #11748
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hi LiveLife, A Warm Welcome to Gambling Therapy
     Having found us you have also found a diverse community who can help and support you on your recovery journey.
     Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in this addiction
     Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer…
     To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or
    click here to see the weekly group schedule.
     For one to one chat you may want to try the live advice helpline. Click "connect" when these options become available.
     Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.  
    Take Care
     The Gambling Therapy Team

    #11749
    kathryn
    Participant

    Hi LiveLife and welcome,
    I dont know what you gamble on,  but my next step would be/was exclusion.  In essence, you ban from everywhere.  I am in Victoria and am blessed that my exclusion can be done all in one go, but i know in QLD that you need to do it one at a time, something i have written to the Prime Minister about but of course got blown off….
    Ok, im off course, i wanted to say that excluding and finding this site were the 2 major things i did to start managing my addiction. 
    The other thing would be perhaps to give total control of the finances to your wife (if you havent already) and be prepared to take a small daily allowance if you need it.  Being prepared to account for every dollar you spend is also something you need to consider.  It starts to rebuild trust and from what you have written you are prepared to do anything. 
    Its great that you are going to counselling and GA.  Addressing the addiction is so important, abstaining works for a short time, but finding the root of the reason you gamble can be the beginning of a new life for you and your family.
    LiveLife, well done on finding this site, it can be such a wonderful form of support, it has been for me and if you are prepared to do the work and be open to all possibilities you will be well on your way to a gamble free life.   It is by no means easy, but you are not alone in this.
    I hope to read more from you, 
    Love K x To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    #11750
    livelife
    Participant

    Hi Kathryn,
    Thank you for your reply.
    My main vice is online gambling on all types of sport. I have at some stage had an account with every online bookmaker available to ****** residents – however, they have all now been closed through self exclusion.
    We tried the finance transfer idea previously where i had a weekly allowance, however my wife eventually got sick of having to handle all of the finances e.g. paying bills, giving me allowance, ensuring money is in right accounts for mortgages etc
    I’ve since had my credit card returned to me and take care of my share of the finances again. Since this i haven’t gambled and it feels good.
    I’m scared about what will happen, embarrassed to have to be getting help and upset about what i have done.
    I need to work on a plan to show myself and everyone that i am very serious about kicking this problem and the steps necessary to do so.Life is meant to be lived

    #11751
    stan’s girl
    Participant

    Hi Live life,
    Have you suggested to your wife that she ***** to get help with this as well?  What I mean by that is to research and understand the gambling addiction.  Most people who don’t suffer from an addiction have no idea how it works and what it does to a person.  I strongly suggest she put as much effort into this as you do. 
    I was married to a man that didn’t want to "do the work" along side me and the marriage ended.  I’m now with someone that "gets it".  He understands addiction, how it works and what his role is in helping me recover. 
    Just a suggestion. 
    Also, continue to communicate with her and perhaps discuss counselling for both of you…a mediator often helps.
    Best of luck and please continue on this path you’ve started.
    CrystalLife isn't that difficult…people make it difficult.  It's simple, let go and move on OR hold on and stay stuck.

    #11752
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Hi live life you can get an online blocker for your computer called bet filter.. it will stop you accessing sites it may help you
    Chubby

    #11753
    livelife
    Participant

    Thanks Guys – is anyone aware of blocking software/app etc for iphone??Life is meant to be lived

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