[lostintheir20s]

I don’t really expect any response to this and if I’m honest, this is the first time I’m admitting what I’ve become. I’m a gambling addict.

Feels weird to say out loud.

This post is mostly for me to finally admit to myself what I am and face responsibility.

I started online gambling last year and within that short amount of time I have, quite literally, lost everything. It started with an advert I saw on TV and I was working really unsocialable hours at the time – so I thought why not? A bit of fun to end my night on. Like so many others I got drawn in – I won £200, then £400, then £600. I couldn’t believe it. I’d made £600 off a £20 deposit and I genuinely thought I’d cracked the system.

I realised I had a problem when I’d basically spend most of my savings and gone really far into my overdraft. I put a GamBlock up but when that craving, that need, that “I can win it all back AND more If I just give myself a chance” hits – I always found a way around it.

Now over a year on I’ve lost all £3,000 of my savings, spent all £3,500 of a personal loan, fully maxed out my overdraft and have taken out 3 payday loans which all got spent on gaming within 48 hours of getting them.

Once again I received my monthly from work, paid my rent + necessities (THANK GOD) and then spent the rest of my pay and overdraft on gambling again. If I had £1 for every time I whispered to myself “just one more deposit then I’M DONE” tonight, then I’d genuinely be a millionaire.

I live with my parents and my mum knows that I use to gamble but she thinks that habit is long gone, so I can’t confide in her – if I told her my situation then I think her heart with give out with stress.

But yeah, once again I’m left with no money for the month (payday is 4 weeks away) and I’m not sure how I’m going to afford the bus to work.

I’m so angry I let myself get here. I’m so angry that I’ve become this person. I’m also incredibly disappointed in myself.

But enough is enough. I’ve put full blockers on my devices, deleted all possible gambling ties and I need to drag myself out of the hole I’m buried in or I’m going to lose myself forever. I feel like a hollow version of myself, just chasing that profit high.

If you’re still here, Thank you for taking the time to read this. Remember you deserve the best version of yourself.

[Dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

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