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  • #6402
    Tami
    Participant

    Hi all, 

    this is new for me, never ever met anybody with this issue.

    My boyfriend is romanian, he start to bet 2 years ago in his country, he met some group of people who were giving him tips who will win – football betting. they text him every day to force him to bet.

    Hi borrow money from many people. He came to UK, to make a money and send them to romania. he told me all his story after we were month together- living together. 

    I didnt think it can come back, i thought he realize that it was horrible mistake and he will never do it again. He did, april this year. He quit his job because he didnt like it there, but he couldnt find any other because it was before easter. 

    so for a month he did nothing. Bored. He start to bet again. He wanted to make some money, because he didnt get salary. But didnt bet just his few money, friends money, but also our money for rent and insurance. 

    I almost left him, but in the end he promised me that he will never do it again, taht he just wanted to help and make some money. I explain him that this is not way how to make money.  He found a job and he stopped bet.

    I also wanted from him every his salary on my account and i was sending money to the people slowly slowly. August 2018, starting to be weird, couldnt go with me for holidays, wanted money from me, my birthday totally sh*t. didnt have money for flowers or cake either. Monday the 3rd, my bank calling me, taht i have some weird transatcion on my account.

    He took picture of my card in the morning when i was sleeping and bet online 200 £, without me knowing. He stole my money!!!!!  I was just very very angry how he dare to do it to me, he tryed to calm me down that he won. when i came homefro, work he already slept. i texted him to move out, that he is liar. He went to work next day, in the morning he told me that he didnt win. I checked his mobile he bet last few weeks around 600£ online plus cash (dont know ho gg   gg w much). all together from april around 2800£ online, won 700£. he is owning to 7 people including me and my brother. I didnt wait and texted to his mother which is still in Romania. I call to GP and we have meeting with him on friday.My boyfriend doesnt want to go fo private session or anonymous gamblers. he admited he has a problem, but for how long he will know it? He is 24 y.o. i think is good chance to help me, either i dont want to be with him in relationship. 

    sorry for long story, i just dont know how act, what to do, and what to do next. His family is ‘feeding’ me with sweet word everything will be alright soon. probably they dont understand that steal money from another account is very serious thing. his friends are the same. Can you help me please? Tami

    #6403
    charles
    Moderator

    Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

    Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

    Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

    As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

    And on that note….

    I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6404
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Tami
    You are right; feeding a compulsive gambler with sweet words only enables the addiction to grow and changes nothing for the better.
    Why does your boyfriend not want to go to Gamblers Anonymous (GA)? Admitting he has a problem is a step in the right direction but sadly words come easy and only action brings about real change.
    I suggest your boyfriend doesn’t want to seek help because he doesn’t want to stop gambling but he wants you to stay with him – possibly for enablement. He has stolen from you and others and unless he is taking responsibility for these thefts he has no reason to stop gambling.
    Many compulsive gamblers do not accept they have a real problem until they hurt themselves enough
    GPs do not necessarily understand addiction, there is no medication to stop a CG from indulging his addiction – only acceptance and action changes anything.
    I suggest that you protect your finances, set up a private account for you for which he has no access or knowledge, keep your pin safe and protect your personal possessions. I suggest you find a Gam-Anon group, the sister group of Gamblers Anonymous and seek physical support for yourself.
    In my opinion, it might be good to tell your boyfriend that you are taking his addiction seriously even if he will not. We have a helpline on this site for you and also for your boyfriend. As he believes that he can handle his addiction himself then communicating with our Helpline anonymously will cost him nothing but it would be good for him to know how hard (impossible) this is.
    I believe that you are young, you do not deserve to have your money stolen and your life disrupted by your boyfriend’s addiction. I know he can control his addiction Tami but he has to want to do so.
    Please post again
    Velvet

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